We haven't made any gold
and are sitting in the stench
of 50 buckets of *****

Trophies surround us
from the seven-locked cabinet
as a battery around our happiness

Tonight we borrow luxury
for a debt to the future
and we drink to bygone days

We stuff gnawed bones
into our nostrils like jewellery
and eat comfort cake with whipped cream

The party is drawing to a close
the mattresses are ready
for after the drinks bath

Everything is oh so interesting, we talk
louder and louder, listen how superbly
we imitate animal sounds

On week-days, in the evenings, I pass
windows of people who know nothing:
the couple who've been kissing for ten days
and waiting people everywhere
Nowhere I find the grand beauty
I want to live for

I walk around to share my melancholy
memories of my plans and yours
We're having a good time
with pretended complacency
and we dedicate ourselves
to the sweet doing nothing

We chat and are distracted
After the first birds
I feel sad and incompetent
for the days in the bright light
the decay of our lives outside
the magic world of the night

There are days where the world makes me draw a blank, where nothing fits and all I do is think all ropes struck split-ended and torn no paths cross no links and certainly no endings. A trail begins and the hill drops down steeply low below my groans and moans of pain and distraught - I'm forced to appeal, to let them go. Jump! Jump! And I draw a blank.

Sometimes nothingness stares back at me; looming over me and my thoughts - overbearingly present consuming my mind until there's nothing left but this stark stinging sound scratching in my ear
I’m forced to itch an itch I can’t reach; unfulfilled and tense I’m annoyed and aggravated, in agony and anguish.

These days, which seem to last weeks, cut deep into the abyss of my memories;

who I was supposed to be. A dull glow of an image I traced in my mind steadily peering over my hollow body haunting all the squeaks and creaks of my joints.

I'm spooked by my naked brain bubbling pointless noise.

I lay lazily through my creepy trance as vines that held me tight debunk from my nerves. Painfully they un-tie my paralysis and I let my lungs pound the roof of my mouth with ghastly chokes of cursed air. Hours of mindless screeching.

I'm free!

My breath eases up
and my soul finally gets to explore
the deep universe I see
when closing my eyes.

The sky is dark and gray,
with little hints of fading rays.
My jeans are soaked from the stubborn rain
as I move through traffic’s lane.

Loneliness hums in quiet loops,
My mind rewinds old nested truths.
Perhaps this weather fits me well,
I mutter low, with no one to tell.

I too reach out for something true.
To hold, to keep, to carry through.
To feel, to fly, to simply be,
Like wind-swept grass that runs with me.

And maybe hope’s still in my chest.
A part of me that never left.

We met in a lonely place
A look of curiosity reflected on my face
You took the seat next to mine
With a camera-ready smile
I rolled my eyes and downed my wine
You were wearing my husband’s cologne
With a cheesy joker’s grin
You knew I’d be all alone
And that I was desperate enough to sin
I woke up beside you in some hotel
What looked like heaven was hiding hell
But by then you knew me too well
How I’d rather die than go off by myself

You took me to places I’d never been before
We stayed up all night living scenes of  folklore
I warned you about the coming storm, you insisted we’d be fine
That was when you whispered, “I know you’re unhappy. So am I.”
Your face imprinted in my mind
Tapping my foot, anxiously waiting outside
I anticipate your signal under the moonlight’s glow
To this day I still know exactly when and where to go

We proceeded to meet in dark alleyways
I never noticed how close we were to your place
Even with my guilt I still could never get enough
Who knew someone with eyes so gentle could ever be so rough?
Our spouses turned a blind eye, we took it as a sign and carried on
Now the line is blurred between what is right and what is wrong
My friends can’t resist their sly remarks
They notice the spark reigniting in my eyes
You mended my broken and barren heart
But you’ll never be mine

For 6 long months we lived in the shiniest fables
Sneaking out almost every night, I have the path memorized
But it didn’t take long before our land became unstable
It all came crashing down, I was crushed by the weight of our lies
When the sirens rang you were nowhere to be found
You left my cold body to bleed on the ground
The look in your face is all I can remember now
You were unhappy and I was your way out
You held my broken frame
Somehow, there was always somebody else to blame
Now I’ll never be the same
No, we’ll never be the same

Now I sit at our table all alone
Trying desperately to erase the markings you made on me
The place we proudly called home
Has become the setting in tragedies
I stare at my reflection and remember your touch
What once brought me back to life now only hurts so much
Our bed became my tomb
Now I can’t escape the ghost of you

All I wish to do is forget now
But it’s hard to when you’re plastered all over town
The secrets and stories we both passed down
Someday you’ll leave my mind but I don’t know how
They say you’re still nowhere to be found

Spacious silence, I inhale her sweetish scent.
She’s so close, here, internal.
The dawn reveals the horizon,
I can't help but breathe her.
Vermilion clouds disperse where
I will meet her again.

Stars twinkle elsewhere,
the darkness recedes and somewhere behind
I hear the last whispers of the night.
These whispers merge with the rhythm of my heart.
I was with her,
I surrendered to her gloom,
it covered my skin, I inhaled it.
Every beat of my heart resonated with her breath.
The stars faded in my eyes
and I slowly sank in her rhythms.

So high.
Pain no longer mattered.
I devote.

The sun will rise quickly,
blue and white fragments of clouds will fly away
to rain down and vanish into infinity.

Silence seeps in the sounds of a new day.
She is still on my mind.
Our moment is eternal.

She is glaring and majestic.
She lures birds,
makes them return again and again,
lie down on her flows and
slowly die forgetting about food.
Her depth is infinite.
Love.

The wind passes her power.
Storms, waves and the earth -
everything is for her.
She gives and takes back.
And only at the edge
I will look in her eyes.

She will appear with a cry of a rain,
shed unrestrained tears,
the wind will be lost in the agony of fire.
Her mad rage is frightening.
But few know her as I do.
Few believe that she is the love,
to which everyone is doomed.

She is riotous,
frenzied and mysterious.
Her gaze freezes the blood.

When the next night comes,
the moon will cover shadow with cold rays,
I will give all my feelings to its obscurity.

I bow down to her.
She totally fascinated me.

A gentle touch,
A faint smile,
she will smudge
the night sky.
She will weave a wreath
of clouds and stars.

She finally crowns me with that beautiful wreath.
Death.

The day commences, towards its end,
Twilight faced across the sky.
A cold night surges, unyielding to bend,
As the radiant hope, so high.

The warmth fades, no hope to subdue,
gloom rises through the skyline.
The pack returns for curfew,
Beneath stars that calmly shine.