What if I told you to stay away?
What if I hurt you?
What would you say?
Truth is I feel frozen inside
Like something essential wilted and died
It's funny because all the love I should be giving you
Is being wasted on the person who broke me in two
Only body and time is what you receive
When heart's been shattered can't wear it on your sleeve
Now when love tries to wiggle underneath my skin
I block it before it has the chance to begin
Or else I will surely pay the price like before
But I am bankrupt
I can't take anymore
My goodness has been stolen by someone else and for that I apologize
Trust issues run all the way to the bone
Though you have told no lies
I thought maybe meeting someone new would somehow relight the missing spark
You do everything right yet for reasons unknown my soul remains hollow and dark
I end most blessings bestowed on my life because I don't deserve relief
Caused problems myself so why should anyone else save me from my grief
Afraid to hear I am needed because I won't live up to expectations
Held captive in chains by ever present limitations
Work hard to accept myself with each one of my flaws
But self-hatred is a toothy beast that bites my self-esteem and gnaws
I used to believe I was beautiful when offered up the compliment
Can't help but wonder where that easy confidence went
I am incapable of self love because I am too broken
Inside the strength it requires will never be awoken
Much less courage it would take to love someone besides myself
I don't bother even reaching because it's stored on too high of a shelf
Sorry but the key to my heart is a treasure you will not find
The best I can do it to let you have a peek within my mind
I could tell you what you want to hear but I would rather simply be real
Let you know from the start I don't have any emotion left to feel
I never really got used to the sensation of being alone
Independence not a familiar quality because I **** when I'm on my own
I wish my favorite moments were memories made with you
Instead of with a person who no longer feels the same way too
It hits when I rise in the morning the hardest and realize again that he is not there
It's not that you are not enough for me
Nobody could ever compare
Was just never able to see clearly though I can tell right from wrong
If he is the devil then in hell I must belong
It hurts to watch you try your best knowing I can't share it back in return
Your admiration is a privilege given though I have done nothing to earn
And dream for a night of a universe free from past regret
There are times I would forfeit all my possessions just to temporarily forget
And break you is the last thing I want to do
But this can only end with one of us black and blue
The aching is inevitable
It's only a matter of time
Force of impact directly proportionate to the distance that we climb
I mean it when I say that I like you very much
Enjoying every second our skin gets to touch
There isn't much sensitivity left here in me
I've shut down my nervous system in order to be free
When all my needs have been neglected and ignored for far too long
Forgot what respect looks like
You treat me right and it seems wrong
Since birth dysfunction is the only home I've ever had
Different ******* up situations
But it never seemed that bad
So now that I am finally faced with something new
I doubt it assuming it has to be too good to be true
Sometimes I don't know what is wrong with me
Can't control which direction I feel
Like I am not the one behind the seat with hands on the steering wheel
I want more than anything to fall in love and see my eyes sparkle once more
But my heart is held hostage against my will by the guy I was with before
Maybe it's hard to let down my guard because I don't want it to end the same way
I am wise enough to know by now that  everyone eventually leaves one day
Whether it is by their choice or intervention from fate
Every happily ever after has an expiration date
Combine that with pre-existing insecurities and a truckload full of baggage
And you get an emotionally depleted wreck
Unable to recover from sustained damage
Been months now and wounds haven't yet began to close
I worry they never will
That the hole he left inside of me is a crater no one can fill
Is this emptiness all I'm destined for?
A ghost haunting memories?
Each minute suspended in solitude passes like centuries
Knowing I can't reciprocate everything you willingly provide
Is subconsciously tearing me to bits inside
I won't make you any promises I am unable to keep
Maybe we should call it quits before we get in too deep