i let my hair down for you
because that's how you like it
tousled in my face
imitating life's chaos
a chaos we cling to
because we don't know any different

still telling ourselves
that we crave stability
but we know how the story goes
seeking comfort
loathing change
forgetting that our comfort lies in pain

imposters we've become
pawns in our own game
having yet to learn
that bliss only follows
those who let go

enduring a new kind of angst
but only for a moment
then letting it pass
and living to adore it

asked this blue thing 'bout how it feels to feel,
see, i can't grammar correctly
incoherent with emotional controversy, i believe
that my humanity is now a political catastrophe
******* it, stop policing me.
dare i live my life without an explanation, how?

rearrange the order for my indignant tones
just as you misinterpret every other word

an answer to every probing curiosity--a light word
for the darkness in your intentions.
speaking in tongues, how is it that this isn't over yet?
i'm getting ... inconsistent, irrational, yellow
like sparks flickering, a pinwheel of doubt

and red for the spin of insecurity, insincerity, breaking
the protocols for social interactions,
because you tell me i am not allowed to feel, i feel

scared.

All my friends got friends
Every single one of them
I’m afraid I’ll become a hinderance
As opening up might show my lack of strength
All my friends got friends
While all I have is them

So, how do I cope?
How do I reject jealousy when it wants to comfort me?
When it assures me that alliance benefits me?
When it asks me not to resist?
When it’s presence is so enticing, I can feel it’s breath down my neck, intriguing me more than scaring me
How do I cope?
When they get to experience life outside of our ensemble
Get to see corners my sight won’t reach
Because those experiences are unique to their memories
Memories I wasn’t invited or welcomed into
Memories that didn’t make sense for me to inherit
How do I cope?
When anger sneaks into my morning coffee
The heat burning my tongue and leaving me with a lingering bitterness
Stealing my voice and replacing it with its own to yell that only I can provide happiness
For so long, I’ve tried looking for different things from different people
Distributing parts of my trust to different pieces of the puzzles
So that their whole could make me but their individuality couldn’t break me
But what happens if I stopped at two?
What happens if only two pieces to the puzzle held that much power between them?
And why is it that bringing the two pieces of puzzle together left me so lonely?

I liked his unwavering
ability to have courage
and how he was more bitter
than me
for it

-em vidar

painful memories
encased in a troubled heart
waiting for rescue

if you think writing about you
makes you the one in power
then you are so wrong cause'
you are just another piece
of my unsung song.

if you think leaving you
makes me constantly sad,
then you are so wrong cause'
you are just another story
that I left unsaid.

When words fail you
silence smothers you
fears surround you
you borrow inside yourself

Just Remember
I am
Here for you.

When times break you
Routine boards you
Sorrow takes you
You blamed yourself

Just Remember
I am,
Here for you.

When the days seem
Longer,
And your smile seem everlasting
Eyes as wide as could ever be.

Just remember
I am,
Here with you.

Save some snow for the sunny day
Get the pitchers, collect the rain drops
Trap the heat for when it turns gray
Make the foundations sturdy
Lest the wind blow it away

Two times shall he hit the rock
Three times shall he pray
The sky; the gates of rain to unlock
His crops, a drink for the day

The trials of friendship
The prices we pay
Defend yourself from envy
And keep your pride at bay


Be thankful for family
The good, the bad, the ugly
The ones who leave,
The ones who stay
Tomorrow's not promised, so love today


The days of the week from first to last
Some for work and some for play
Some days to eat and some to fast
To curse, to bless, conjure or pray

Keep a smile for the gloomy days
For it is in itself sublime
If all things go, pray love to stay
For all times -
Tomorrow and today