You leaned on me,

And I held on tight,

Cuddling together,

Just as friends,

On a Saturday night.

Your laughter warm,

And smile bright,

Your touch was gentle,

But never mine.

I stayed in the shadows,

Watching you shine,

Supporting you quietly,

Watching you thrive

I heard your thoughts,

I caught your tears,

And supported your dreams,

But I never became one.

I watched you reach out

For what I’d never be.

And you broke me gently,

Never your intention,

And never knowing,

But I know you felt it.

Our unspoken love,

Platonic or not,

It is forever growing.

When it’s three in the afternoon
And yellow is spilling through window panes
And a breeze is greeting my shoulders
And the grass is hanging on so tightly to the wet earth
That I think it might never let go

When familiar smoke lingers
In cool plum air
And the circle shrinks
And kindred spirits retreat
Into knots of one another  

When the heart of the world
Is beating
Much too fast
And all that I need
Is a quiet blank canvas

When clay turns to dirt turns to dust
And the pond dries up
And the thirst of the earth
Is finally quenched
By a divine downpour
  
When the rain comes
Like it was always meant to
And fills up my cup
And breathes life into the land
And laughter into my veins

When the stars peek out
When I hear that record
When azaleas start to bloom
When it’s time to write
That’s when,
When I am reminded of you

Never wavering
Always thinking
Listening
Feeling
You are a mirror

Built to be constant  
To be melded
And stained
With colors only angels dream in

Crafted to reflect
To refract
To rebuild
To redefine

You are a bleeding blue
And a mellow lilac
And a crimson blaze
All in one

And there’s nothing
Your magic doesn’t touch
Or your soul doesn’t cover
Like fleece on gentle skin

You are calm and chaos
And all the heat in between
There’s no river
You can’t outrun  

My heart has known yours
In seasons of warm
And seas of grief
And in droughts and storms and
Through freezing rain

So now all that’s left
Is the rest of this life
And the thunder
And the light
And your reflection looking back at me

I don't care what other people think,
the only opinion I need is my own.
And I form it in the echo chambers
of my cold and lonely home.

I don't trust what other people say.
I've been hurt by everyone I've known.
People are mostly out for themselves.
I'm better off working alone.

People don't listen when I talk.
Don't hear my dreams and fears.
And when I share the things I think,
people often disappear.

And when I give a friend advice
and they don't do what I say,
well how can I help my friends through life?
I don't know another way.

People and I have nothing in common.
They don't understand my pain.
I used to want people around me,
but now I just move away.

Please feel free to leave some critical feedback on the poem.

Love isn’t something you can give me in bills,
or count on fingers like something owed.
It’s not measured by bloodlines,
not because we share the same last name.

I don’t need money to know you care
I need your ear, your heart.
Love is the one who feels my ache without asking,
who knows my silence and still stays.

Blood may tie us,
but it doesn’t define love.
I choose the ones who hear my pain,
who see me without pretending to.

I have found them, once or twice.
A search that lasts for all my life.
Sorrow comes from such small numbers.
But the finding happens more as I wander.

I have found them. They have spoken.
They are aliens, but not from space.
Solar silence they have broken.
Voice of sunshine, ray of hope in this darkened world.
To light a path, or a hurtful past. I climb my way out at last.

I have found them.
They surround when
I call out into the night.
When I am truthful, when I set right
the seating of my heart
the beating tears apart
a door that stood for all of time, the eternity of the past.
And now the cold is in
it's this thing, it's fast.
Like crystal lightening,
it's heightening my senses,
and numbing the frightening memories of past offences.

I have found them, my forlorn friends.
My fickle feelings.
Their weary voices, honest.
An echo still believing.
Together we talked, words held forever.
I have found them.
And never will they leave me.

There's a
walk-in
dungeon in my head.
I go there to talk.

To the demons at my door,
the once I would implore.
But I just go to talk.

And I ask them how I
know them so well
yet so little about myself.
They say;
"Son look around you,
the flames they surround you,
you've been going through hell."

GUITAR CHORUS

A day,
or two,
running through my mind.
They said the pain would fade in time.
I should'a know that they were lying.
I should have know they were...

My friends, they're there, I know they care,
but through the pain I still compare,
their human flaws with the abuse
of a world that I once knew.

You’ve overfed me everything you had at your disposable
Staring up at me as I’m hanging from the ceiling.
Chocolate, syrup, honey, lollipops.
My belly’s rumbling.
It’s scaring me.
Sweat continues to wash over my pale face.
With trembling hands I try to tear my stomach open by myself.
And there you are waving a bat right underneath my feet.
“Blindfold on or off?” You ask amusingly with a growing grin.
The black fabric peaking from your pocket which you ignore to take out.
I’ve lost. My mouth sewn shut. I can’t be saved now.
I mumble uncontrollably as you raise for the first blow.
It hurts, my whole body is ringing of burning pain, as I swing around fast side to side.
You spin for another blow with your eyes closed this time.
You miss.
You do it again, eyes open.
Pain explodes faster everywhere.
I’m muffling praying to fall any second now.
“COME ON YOU’RE GREEEDY YOU KNOW THAT?!!” He shouts jumping from below.
“OPEN UP!! GIVE ME SOME!!! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING AND YOU DON’T SHARE??”
Tears are falling. I’m the one at fault. I’m the empath and you’ll do anything to make me feel this way, no matter what I do, it won’t be enough.
You overfed me and I ate so it was my fault.
You tried getting it all back but couldn’t expel it out of me so it was my fault.
You did your part, and all I did was intervene.
It’s all my fault.
It’s not you.
It’s all me.

My thoughts are disregarded like weeds
Just a bother in the concrete
Tried to be a flower for your enjoyment
As it turns out, I'm the disappointment

**** me out, one by one
But keep me around for the fun
When you bloom next to a ****
You look better than unaccompanied

Because my value is less
As it lowers your success
Compared to that of a flowers
My company just sours