He hath me,—
And I doth love him,
For he is my armour;
He will assail our giants.

Curiosity come forth me—
When I saw him between two walls,
With glances of his eyes,—
I swallowed the anguish inside
Thinking he was a *****—
To be lured by his style.

Never I will bend for him—
Nor even breathe with him
I live for a certain pride—
Which he hath made me reside
To his shelter;—
Into his bones.

"Doth not tremble,
For thee will be covered—
With flesh and soul
I will hail thy body
Just be with me,—
And forever be thy slave."
–He spoke to me
   He was not cunning
   The humor faltered in his words
   What lonesome he ever bears—
   'twas that fear trapped inside him.
    
I gazed upon him;
With that moment—
When rays blend with blinds--
As the air clamors heat,—
I shared my blood,—
For rush is true when pressed.

Smiles ever genuine,
Hands never been this comforting,
Hearts fluttering like a dream
Oh, how free I am in thy heart.

As I imagine running barefoot with nature;
As thou art wonders of all beings
Everyday, a summer breeze;
Every night, a nightingale
I sigh staring the waves—
Hoping no one could find us.

Reach me, as I reach thee;—
Be ever relentless,
For forged stories will be our bridge
It may be built with guilt,—
But longer, it will prevail with our love.

This is our reality—
Where people will dissever us,
And utter foreboding tales of youth--
What is a youth,— If vehemence is unseen
Youth is a waste—Without making love
The world is aging,— So as passion disperses.

With this place,
He vowed to me,—
And held me to believe,—
Where warmth and tranquility hovered within
The echoing sounds of besought grace
Cannot compel the laws of the society,
Whilst the voices dispute us,—
We will live and weep here,
'til those who art not born yet will embrace us.

The dim will be illuminated—
By fervid shall marry serenity,
As rings, as lovers,—
Eternity will be hidden.

An emblem of reborn and death
A clandestine, forbidden to be free,
Where caves doth not mourn misery,
For the wild howls art sacred.

i can see you, you know
i can see when you look at me for just a hair too long
your wandering eyes when i wear a shirt a little too tight
or even your own brothers sweatpants

your laugh rings in my head like a bell, matching perfectly
with that smile and
those eyes
blue, not like his
yours are soft
his are icey

you have the same parents, there's only 15 months between you
youre closer to my age, but i have a thing for older boys
so the older brother it was
we weren't even friends
not even before i met your brother
maybe your eyes fall on my body because i look like her
i look like most of the girls you mess around with
modestly curvy,
mess of brown curls
tan skin, brown eyes

i shouldnt dream about you the way i do
i shouldnt think about you the way i do
my thoughts should most definitely be focused on the other "S" boy
in your family

i get too excited when you're going to be around
even though you make me so nervous
i could choke on the tension in the air
it's like being allergic to chocolate
you cant
you wont
you shouldnt EVER
IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE CROSSED YOUR BRAIN
but you just want a small bite
a nibble
just a taste
a single
sloppy
backseat
taste.

that's a lie though
a fantasy that never happened
i fantasize a lot about you
oh yes
and im glad im the only one with a key to my brain
i dont want anyone to have the slightest PEEK
inside the
Simon vault

most of my fantasies are so innocent
so elementary
it makes me
wonder if i ever even grew up
"maybe, just maybe, he'll look me in the eyes today"
"possibly even nod my way"
except the Simon i know doesnt do that
he doesn't even acknowledge me
ever

ive been told his only personality trait is drifting cars
sometimes my head wanders to
possibilities
but theyre so forbidden

sure
ive thought about everything there really is to think about
not only between
girl
and
boy
but between
friend
and
friend
once between
crush
and
crush
innocent kisses is all i think about
never more
i feel like im betraying the other "S" that way

i thought writing this would make me feel better
but instead i can feel 20 pounds
slowly lowering down on me
im getting hot
definitely not needy
hot under his sweatshirt
no, not Simon's
im not ******* stupid
i could never seek him out

Spencer wants to know
i want someone to know
not Spencer, not Karly, not anyone
Simon.

maybe its because of the faulty answer
he told me when someone
told me
anonymously (******* **** ****)
that he's got a crush
that mess of limbs and laughs and ..very.. little wit and
(god that smile will be the death of me)
on me
me
me
i guess i look similar to her
brown curls and tan skin and brown eyes
similar height, weight, cup size
hell, even our ***** are the same
we both wear loungewear like its regular clothes
same sense of humor
but like
ive got freckles, trauma, i overshare
shes fine, as far as i know

i need to drop it before i manifest feelings back
before i manifest your thoughts back to me
i dont know if i need them or if theyre the last thing i need

you were forbidden to eat,

yet one look at your crisp red skin sent me into ecstasy

instead of sinking my teeth into your imagined taste like i was tempted to,

i instead took the role of protecting my dear ones from your poison

this task made me keen and aware to your attempts,

of emulating a sweet apple for them and i to eat

despite the graceful attempts to resist tasting you,

i did take a careful bite

only to find out,

you weren't the poison everyone had warned me about

these secrets and lies
can only take us so far
love me openly

Everytime I look back to the days I had you to hold
Not that I did any way just dreamed of doing so
The day I confessed my love to you
You ignored me does it mean you didn't want me
You never answered the questions I had only said you didn't know
Now my heart is bleeding torn apart in the undying love I still have for you
Why can't it just go away
I don't want to love you if it means being in pain
But I'm lost in your unrequited love

i remember watching the sunrise with you
i couldn’t help
but get lost
in the depths of your eyes
tinted with the golden sunlight.
you felt forbidden.

i remember picking up
the glitter after the party
and every time our hands met
it felt like
i was touching paradise
but then i remembered
you were forbidden,
and i had been forbade.

maaaring pwede at maaaring hindi,
lungkot laban sa ngiti,
ikaw laban sa ako,
tayo laban sa mundo.

sa bawat sandali na nakakasama ka,
ang mga ngiti sa labi’y ‘di maipinta,
ngunit sa kabila nito’y may mga humuhusga,
mabuting itigil daw ito dahil hindi tama.

ano nga bang dapat na gawin?
sa mga alaalang ginawa natin,
mga bugso ng ating damdamin,
itutuloy pa ba o pipilitin na lamang pigilin?