My first ever taste of love was for a girl with messy hair,
And a sweet, genuine smile-
A girl that I yearn for,
That I shared a redamancy with,
A girl I would give anything to get back to.
I fell for her as if the Earth had stopped its rotations,
And my knees couldn’t help but fail me;
And in turn, she too fell for me.
My first love was a girl with a laugh
That was as spectacular as the finale of a firework show,
And her eyes shown just as bright.
Dear God, they were beautiful-
She was beautiful.
Although she didn’t always believe it,
She smiled and thanked everyone who complimented her,
Because it made her love herself that much more.
My first love was a girl, and for that, we received quite a bit of hate.
We weren’t in a relationship per se,
But the society around us disapproved of our affections;
And at first, she didn’t care.
We didn’t care, but the stress seduced her, and she started
To bite off so much more than her precious self could stomach.
It overwhelmed her and pushed her away, and she took off on me,
A runaway bride fleeing the scene
That she had so carefully put together.
I still wait for her to return.
I’ve found new love, but I need her as well—
Without her, I’m never going to feel completely at ease.
I just miss her so much;
I miss her open mind, her voice, her optimism.
I miss her gorgeous hazel eyes that never stay the same shade,
The ones that portrayed her innocence like stained church windows.
I miss her smile, her laugh, the connection we had,
And I miss the girl she was before she let those around us
Poison that beautiful mind of hers.
I hate that I took her for granted.
I hate that I let her slip right between my fingers,
Hot sand slipping out of my shaking hands and burning me in the process. I feel her everywhere- I see her in the innocence of children.
I hear her voice in every early 2000s song she used to adore.
I see her in every picture from her childhood I catch a glimpse of.
I see her in every pair of blue jeans that I own; she haunts me.
I see her in every window I see that reflects back at myself.
I see her in every passing mirror, see who she is now,
And occasionally I catch a glimpse of her innocence in my eye once again. My first love was a girl, a girl with messy hair and hazel eyes-
A girl who, at one point, shared my name and face.
Ever since she left, I haven’t looked the same;
I haven’t been the same.
Before I let anxiety take her place,
Her charm was impeccable and even I loved her.
Once upon a time, I loved a girl who shared a body with me-
I loved myself, not in a self-centered way, but in a humble, lovely way.
I wait for the girl that I was before I fell apart every day.
I wait for her and I keep my heart under the highest security;
I keep my smile intact, just in case she’ll come back,
To make the curve of my lips completely genuine once again.

I never expected to fall for you as hard as I did
It was as if I was free falling out of a plane without a parachute,
As fast as a baby falling asleep in its mother’s arms,
And as deeply as the Black Sea
You are my sun,
And I revolve around you

~sdr

I love when you speak to me softly
The words falling from your lips as sweet as honey
Every syllable pulls me deeper into a dream-like state
Your voice, as soft as cashmere, comforts my soul
I could listen to your velvet voice forever

~sdr

Every time I look at you I see the future
Your hair a light shade of grey,
Crows feet beside your bright blue orbs
I could not imagine ever spending the rest of my life without you,
Nor would I want to
You are my first true love,
And my last

~sdr

running in the hallway of memory
pictures mounted on the walls
bright smiles and entranced fidelity
evolved into nowhere to turn

anxiety refreshes the past
from musical pieces once treasured by a passion so strong
I believed so unbreakable
would later prove me a fool

septic jealously
tangled grabbing
dry eyes and painful tears
destructive wounds
unhealthy affinity
would result in an addiction of abuse

too early to understand
denial and anxiety befriended me
I refused the truth
forgive me that I refused what was better for the both of the us
feeling regret I didn’t take action sooner
too late to change havoc being dealt

three years ahead in time
I wonder where you are
do you still think of me?
after all I’ve caused?
or do you not?
questions roam from time to time
I wonder if yours do too

together we are not innocent in a court of law
both criminals that have been charged
with a love so dangerous
needing to repent

do you remember?
the songs? the touch?
my lips?
our intolerable dependency?

I’m reaching out to you
in vast space of once was
tears once cried
tell their own story

Fell in love with you, not too long ago
Never got to ask your feelings or say this before
But you knew it well, I knew it too

Remember the time? when our eyes first met
The times I saw you smile, with your face all blushed
The breezy summer evenings, with air was so sweet

Remember the night, when I bid farewell to you
You were in your sweet teens and so beautiful
Had to leave, not because the heart wanted to

To express it then, never quite had the guts
The world around me was larger than my life
Had to come to terms with it and learn to live

Didn’t knew it was true love or infatuation
It took me all the years to figure this out
It’ll be hard to find another one just like you

Lost you in time, but memories will be mine
In my dreams, in my nights, in my life
Forever and forever, that love will shine

I’m always trying to outrun the demons.
They take the form of you leaving
And they keep me awake by whispering
About a future without you.

But sometimes I wonder what would happen
If we ever outrun them.

Maybe one day,
I will wake up to the sunshine peeking through
My sheer, white curtains on a saturday morning
And the weight I carry will no longer be
The possibilities of you leaving
But the weight of your arm resting across my body.

Maybe one morning,
I’ll be lucky enough to be the one who awakens
Next to your sleeping face
And I’ll watch as the sun tickles your skin
And your eyelids flutter as you rest.

Maybe I’ll be able to reach out and run my fingers
Along the side of your face and when you
Don’t disappear before my eyes,
I’ll take in a shaking breath of disbelief
That we actually made it.

Maybe.

Sleepy Stupor,
Please stay a while
If you're the only one.
I lay here, still, and smile
At dreams of someone

Sleepy Stupor,
Please stay a while
Please don't let me come to
But folded sheets talk so loud
And him to I so few

In the midst of each moment, I looked up to you
I tried to make you believe, that you’re among the chosen few
What is it I wonder? Is there something I did?
Or was it something I said?
Please swallow the pride you hold, and tell me what wrong I did?
Remember, when you looked out the window, and found me looking at you
You might have wondered, what is it that dragged me to you
I tell you now, that it wasn’t the shadow you casted
It wasn’t your pretty face, nor was it your cute smile
O hear me my dear, I tell you the secret now
It was your eyes that did the magic
It was your eyes, which jolted my soul
It was your eyes, that gave me a glimpse of the paradise
It felt like a ray, penetrating the cage I lived by
It was oxygen to a man about to die
I saw HOPE in those eyes, a hope to live by
Hey, tell me this?
Was the journey we had so bad, that you didn’t even wait to say goodbye

Remember the first time, when your lips touched mine under those million twinkling lights
It seemed like a dream, but was the dream just mine?
The birds singing the songs of love, tell me that you didn’t hear those.
Tell me, did you not hear the whispers of the cold air?
The whispers that said it’s all too true and real
I felt like I was in heaven, but was it not true for you?
How can you push me away, after everything we’ve been through?
I try to write about you, but I wonder, were you ever mine to write about
Well now, the more I write about you, the more I drown myself
The more I think about you, the deeper I hurt myself
The ink runs dry now, just like my trust and belief
It was just yesterday, but it seems a million years have gone by
Hey, tell me this?
Was the journey we had so bad, that you didn’t even wait to say goodbye