Hey mum, Hey dad
What happened
Those sparks that were send
Ends up dead

tantrums and fights
Aren't you tired
curses and shouts
Pain have rised

Eyes filled with tears
I'm watching with fear
Falling apart like my home
Without realizing I'm far too gone

~a.v.

Sitting
Waiting
Watching
The walls melt around me and I am left in its puddle of creamed colors
The floor is weak beneath me and it moans with threatening cries
This room I've built is falling apart
The only shelter around for miles is quickly being reduced to rubble
And all I can do is sit there
Waiting
Watching
For it crumble down once more

I try so hard to catch your eyes,
Those ones that remind me of the sky on a hot summers day.
I melt like a popsicle on the pavement when they look at me.
And your skin,
Such a light complexion that it reminds me of the comfort of a snow day.
You are mix of seasons.
But you see the warmth is only in your eyes,
And the words you speak.
When you smile ear to ear,
I can feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest,
For it wants to beat with yours.
But all your words are flecked with ice from your heart.
So as I get closer to you,
I am slowly freezing myself inside out.
And yet I cannot grasp why I don't compare.
Why am I not ever good enough?
Why don't you love me..?
~P.S.

Please tell me,
I'm going to be okay.
Please tell me,
You won't turn me away.
I need you now,
More than ever,
Because I feel like I'll fall,
But this time,
I don't know how hard it'll be.
Please tell me,
There's some hope for me.
That I'm not a disgrace,
A freak,
and a pest.
I just want to be normal,
I never wanted this.
So please,
I'm begging you,
Please tell me,
You'll still love me,
Even after all I've become.

had we wrecked
am i okay
what about him
he was there with me
we were okay
it was all fine
then something happened
i can't see
why can't i see
where is he
i reached out
he hasn't grasp me
the sails flowed with calm jerks
the wind pulled us along
but the wind has stopped
the boat does not move
the currents have changed

am i dreaming or is that drift wood

It's all coming down again
The walls that I had started to build have fallen
And I am left with nothing but utter contentment as I gaze across the rubble
I study the wreckage and discover it is not similar to the past
There were no people involved nor consequences amongst the debris

This time the loss was internal
This time it will be kept quiet
And this time it will meld to the depths of my heart and soul to create the person I will become

And I will rebuild again and again,
Constructing new walls to form new cities that either will be torn down or built up

June 6, 2015,  Saturday, 1:08AM


Traces of your being hidden in the back of my mind comes crawling back at midnight. I thought I was over you leaving but, I guess, at least I tried.
You once told me you'd never let me fall and you'd be there to hold me if I ever want to cry and fall apart, and I trusted you.

Well, I'm afraid I'm falling apart, and you're not here. You left two months ago.

Please just save me 

Just save me from myself 

Because I'm falling hard 

The pieces are too far apart

I can't pick them up quickly enough

Until I crash again