I’m memorizing every contours of your face,
Like a blind girl tracing her fingers on a braille,
I’m memorizing how your voice sounds
And how it tinkers when you laugh,
I’m commiting to memory every facet and feature of you
For I know our days won’t last
And I’m just that kind of girl
Who keeps on forgetting
her ex-lovers faces and names
So when that time comes
When our ways will part
I hope I’ll have enough memories of you
Tucked in my mind and my heart,
memories, I will never
unlearn.

Thank you, ex-lover
For teaching me my true worth.
For showing that you cannot love
Based on a smile.
And thank you, *******
For teaching me to stick up for myself.
Because if it wasn't for your insults
I'd be defenseless.
Thank you, ex-lover
For cheating on me.
By doing so, you gave me a chance
To leave.
Thank you, ex-lover
For ruining me.
Because falling to the bottom only
Made me climb higher than I was.
And finally, ex-lover
Thank you for being so cruel
Now I know certain traits
To keep an eye out for and to avoid.

7 years and I still think of you
7 years and I still think of the memories
our memories that smell of dust of the past 7 years
still uneasy to forget the trail of dark cloud on my bright clear sky
it's not the lost of you that I'm trying to forget
but maybe it's the lost of me
you, the subconcious thief
of my sanity, pride, and sense of self
you made me question everyting I thought I knew
everything I thought I learned
you make me question...

7 years time flew by in the limbo
7 years as fresh as yesterday
as fresh as these clean washed sheets but not me
as I still smell of you
of the dust from the last 7 years

For old time’s sake
I read the book you gave me
I read it
And then read it again
Hoping I would find traces
Of what used to be

But all I saw were empty words
And empty memories
I read it
And then read it again
For God’s sake
I’m still trying to forget you

He's embarrassed
His ears are always flustered when he is so

He laughed
Reminded me of the time passed
Yet he looked happier today
I can't be happier

Shouldn't bother
Yet memories linger
Although hopes fade
And expectations are forgotten
Care chose to stay

I shouldn't bother

Sunk into the sink again
With only a bottle to keep me company
Playing a game of poker with my shadow
While my mirror-image is trying to avoid me

I went over to the corner
As if somebody had told me to
But despite my wicked ways
I won’t take two-faced lessons from you

With every other ticking of the clock
Another heartbeat skips away
But I’m not the man to cry for all things gone
People they come and go anyway

It’s been six long days
Since you tried to get my attention
And despite my hand’s habit of giving in
My head is immensely immune to rising tension

So I swapped the happy holiday memories
Forever captured in a motionless scene
For movie heroes and nature’s splendour
I choose what never was over what has been

I do forgive you that you won’t forgive me
That is the natural order of things
But I must admit that I lack the rigour
Of fully clipping this pretty bird’s wings

So I choose the path of cowardice
And put you in a dusty box inside my head
It’s much more easier to forget you there
And clutch unto make-believe instead

It’s been six long days
Since you tried to fight your way back in
But all I need is the comfort of loneliness
The illusion of doing it right, mixed with a sip of gin

I used to think that I used to think
That you could not be forgotten
But all it takes to make one humble
Is yesterday’s ghost
To shatter the illusions we hold dear

For the past is a vicious beast
Always looking for a fight
To end the peace of present day
To end the promise of the future

To proclaim its hegemony over what once was
What now is and what might be
As it mercilessly sends the deadliest of assassins
Memories of what once was good

I used to think that I used to think
That you could not be forgotten
But all it takes to make me humble
Is yesterday’s love
To shatter the illusion that I hadn’t lost

If I grew my hair to my knees and dyed it to the color of the wind, would you still recognize him

If I pealed away at my fingers to make them look thinner, would you still be able to remember them

If I never walked into the sun again and took an eraser to my skin, just to be a bit lighter, would that be enough to disguise him

What if I even change the way I speak, a whole octive higher or perhaps lower, would his voice still be familiar

What if I make myself shorter or taller, with reconstructive surgery, do you think then you can be fooled by him

But what if

I break my nose and reshape it
   Take my lips and deflate them
      Gouge my eyes to replace them

Would that make a difference

What if I told you that you never had to see him again, that he can be different, he can be better, he could be anything

Would you believe in him





No...
But thanks for trying

I refuse to miss you
Staring into the picture of you
Escaping to the memory of you

Laughing about what I said to you
Struggling to recall the sound of you

Laughing
Singing
Your heart beating

I refuse to
I need to

Not, what could have been
But, what has always been

My love for you
What I have learned from you

The way you draw out your cry of excitement, before you roll into your vigorous laugh
How you play with notes alluringly whenever you sing to me
With my ear up against your chest I always hear your heart beating my name

I refuse to miss you

Its just a picture of you