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do a checklist before beginning:
helmet
harness
shoes
carabiners
webbing
cords
oxygen canisters
fuel
food
etc.
check weather reports.
set up a base camp.

in the helicopter
the blades reminded you
of the ceiling fan
in the hostel
in Bangkok
last year.

all right
up you go
(as your father once said
handing small you
onto the monkey bars)
this is it.
the world now boils down
to snow
ice
crevasses
ridges
storms
wind
whiteness.

at the summit,
you're as winded as you were
when she left you.
you needed a challenge
and here it is, so
pose
for a picture
plant
a flag.
be Sir Edmund for a minute

but
Tenzig Norgay knew
that everything
worth having
was
back in Lukla
Kathmandu
Casablanca
or Hometown, USA.
even the cat
knew that.
why didn't you?
Sir Edmund Hillary was famed as the first (white) man to climb Mount Everest. Tenzig Norgay was his sherpa.
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Eight years old and
Mom is screaming
At us that we just
Don’t understand
Just why she hates
Our dad
Reason
Has died in the
Hands of anger
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Six years old and
She doesn’t know
We haven’t had a
Real conversation since I
Was 7
I confide in my
Brother now
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Four years old and
My dad is upstairs
On a call with her
We pretend not to
Hear the hollering
Through his phone
I turn the music
Up
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Two years old and
I stare at it as
Though it’ll set me free
From the conversation
The confusion
The constant
Later I cry in the shower
Not knowing
How am I going
To handle what will
Eventually turn into the
Rest of my life
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Not there yet and
I don’t see them kiss
Don’t see them hug
My brother knows
Something is wrong
He also knows
I’m to young for
Carrying the burden
Of why they go
Away on Thursday nights
The hole in the
Stained glass window is
Eight years old and
Hope has left I’m
Not sure when it’ll
Return to me
I wish for the love
To last this time
i got woken up
before the sun could rise.
furniture scraped the floor
as the moving van arrived.

my father shed tears,
kissing the cats goodbye.
i was only seven
when their divorce
was finalised.

the next time
i was eight,
only six months
wiser than before.
my mother said
it was all a mistake —
we couldn’t live
like that anymore.

there were no cats
to bring back.
belongings were sold.
when we moved again,
we snuck out
during the day
so my father wouldn’t know.
it was better that way.

we lived hidden
in a half-house
under a tree,
as if the branches
could smother
the echoes
of the screams.

my brother returned,
shaping a new family
with a girl.
although a bit crowded,
for a moment,
i swear we were happy.

in between the bags
and the weight of living,
i jumped into
the arms of a boy
who gave me an out.
his smile felt like escape,
but left me empty
and dry.

a decade later,
i found a house —
not a house.
a home.
in a country
i was meant for.

they didn’t speak my tongue,
but accepted my love,
even the way i failed
and learnt.
the love was unconditional,
and asked for nothing
in return.

it took sixteen attempts
to find one i could own.
and now that it’s mine,
i never want to leave.

if i made a move,
it might stir the darkness —
the kind that still breathes.

sometimes.

and i need
to let it sleep.
this one is about the places we outgrow, and those we fit in.
August 12, 2025
This divorce has existed
for a long time.

Even if you grieve for it,
grieve more for yourself.

It’s time to release
all the filth you let pile up here.

Do you remember how you suffered?
The anguish of feeling alone?

You were always playing a role—
you, trying to make it work
every
single
day.

Yes, there were good moments,
things that were genuine.
And maybe longing
will walk beside you forever.

But the poems you wrote
two, three years ago
don’t lie.
You weren’t lying to yourself back then.

And back then,
you were already yearning for healing.
You spoke of the pain
of having no one.

Yes, you hoped he would save you—
though you didn’t know it consciously.

But you saved yourself, in part.
That job was the first breaking point.
And now, this marriage—
is the second.

You deserve more.
I gave you love that you didn't deserve                                                          ­   and you gave me nothing in return                                                            Like  a fool, I chose to believe                                                          ­     that  someday you, too would love me                                                  No  pressure here, I was always waiting                                                  doubting  the truth ,that you weren't full of hatred                                 You  said I made your life more comfortable                                             I  say you, made my life more miserable                                                   Like  a  dog, I stayed loyal to you                                                                 did  things no woman should be asked to                                                   I  have been your lifelong slave                                                               shackled to someone who never gave                                                         I  have been doing the impossible task                                                             ­     that has taken everything I have                                                             ­   I've  been tethered  and  bound by vows                                                      that  you have broken before, then and now                                              My  love and hate are equally felt                                                             ­ I play the hand that I 've been dealt                                                           My biggest hope and my only prayer                                                           ­  Is that this all ends sooner than later
Open up let me give you a taste                                                            ­               of the hell in my life  that you gave                                                             ­        always right there is no other way                                                              ­    just shut up and do  what you say                                                              ­  I  stood  up and you flinched at my strength                                                 I've pushed back and kept you at arm's length                                             You  hate that the tables have turned                                                            You  get  to  feel  what  it's like to be burned                                                   All the power and all of your hate                                                             ­      Is  something I no longer  tolerate                                                 ­ My  decisions aren't up for debate                                                           ­     You've  held me down for long enough                                                     Didn't realize it made me so tough                                                            ­ Thank you for being so rough                                                            ­             All  it did was build me up
Getting ready to get rid of the biggest mistake of my life.
Shawn Oen Jul 9
The Hug That Never Happened

They sat in silence, inches apart,
Two aching chests, one broken heart.
A single word could bridge the gap,
But pride stood tall, a cruel mishap.

The morning light through curtains poured,
Like grace that neither one implored.
A touch, a glance, a soft “I’m sorry”—
Could’ve rewritten all the story.

She brushed her teeth, stared at the stream,
He watched the wall, lost in a dream.
Each waiting for the other’s cue,
To do what both just meant to do.

A hug—just that. No grand parade.
No speeches long, no debts repaid.
Just arms around and tempers softened,
The kind of peace they’d both forgotten.

But silence grew where love had been,
A slow erosion, paper-thin.
And lawyers came with suits and sighs,
To drain their banks and split the ties.

No scandal flared, no great affair,
Just missed connections, vacant stares.
The final line, a quiet shrug—
All for the lack of just one hug.

Now a year has passed, and so has he—
The boy who once sat on their knee.
He builds his walls with heavy care,
Afraid of love that won’t be there.

He flinches when voices start to rise,
He searches truth behind goodbyes.
He wonders why the warmest homes
Can turn to halls where no one roams.

His laughter, once so quick to bloom,
Now echoes softer in his room.
He says he’s fine, but in his eyes—
You see the cost of grown-up lies.

And they—the two who chose to part,
Now carry shards inside their heart.
Two separate lives that once were whole,
Now ghosted by a half-lived soul.

They fake their smiles, they learn to cope,
They grip at joy, they reach for hope.
But every quiet night reveals
A wound that time just never heals.

They’ll build new paths, they’ll find their way,
But something pure got lost that day.
For all the things they rose above—
They’ll never quite outrun that love.

Two people who will always ache,
For what they lost, and didn’t take.
And all because, when push had come,
They chose the cold and not the hug.

© 2025 Shawn Oen. All rights reserved
alex Jul 25
Eight years experience,
I’ll have you know,
Been working since seven
Kinda tired of it now.
No rest for the wicked,
so I’ve been told.
“Choose, him or me girls?”
“You evil *****”
“Leave, before I call the police”
“Get out the way”
“You can take the kids with you”
He doesn’t want us.
Please, girls
Daddy doesn’t want to do this.
I can smell the lies,
they flow like water now.
She looks at me,
make him leave,
don’t worry mama,
I will.
But then I look to my right
my sisters eyes
full of unshed tears.
No, I look away,
it’s my job.
Espantajo,

I kissed you
but my lips knew no remedy
for you, standing cruciform
  in a desert wind.

Espantajo,

wrapped in
  cornhusk feathers,
no sky knows you.

Espantajo,

I could not move you
from your place in the night.
   For you,
all things rise in the west
sleep in the west
make love in the west
and die in the west.
   You married a northern woman
like un espirito muerto
   appearing in a photograph.

Espantajo,

Face away from my house now.
I have blue glass
   bottles sleeping
in the branches all night
   to snare spirits.

Espantajo,

The same old wind
rattles you
   and you call it talking.
Silencio, ****** scarecrow.
If you can't love,
can't move,
can't hold a woman,
   what good are you?
Bri Jul 21
I watched love break
But did it ever really exist?

I don’t remember a time
When they didn’t fight
When hate didn’t seep
Into every crack in our home
Poisoning them and me

They’d made a promise
And they broke it
Just like they broke their hearts

A fairytale gone wrong

And now I’m scared
Scared I’ll end up like them
Scared my home will always be broken

I’m terrified of commitment
Terrified of promises
Because I know
I might break them too

Because promises
Aren’t always forever
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