My biggest fear in life
has unfolded before my eyes.
I feel so misunderstood.
They don't see the tears I've cried.
Peoples lack of grace and compassion have violently pushed the wind against me.
So far they bend me.
With rejection and comments and their own projections.
People just want the quick fix
so they can return to their lives.
They want someone to blame
so they can take a side.
But divorce is messy,
traumatising and dividing.
No matter the cause,
people will find their cause.
You can look at the surface.
What was said and what was done.
But it goes deeper than that. Your values and world are being undone.
You look to me for the answer,
for honesty and explanations.
But when I give it,
all you hear is justification.
That I possess no remorse and that I have no compassion.
You want to see me burn and
regret all of my actions.
But I won't.
I refuse to cower to power.
Every since I was little, this was always my mantle.
I stand strong in the face of the deepest adversity.
Amongst my best friends, mentors and even some of my family.
For all this time, I know in my heart that I've chosen love.
And I refuse to be mistreated, neglected and judged.
You can focus on how I went about it, but I'm still figuring it out.
Sure I messed up a couple times, and you're using this as your out.
You say I'm in the wrong, when I'm just living my life.
I'm trying to move on, yet you find fault that.
You don't want to deal with it.
Deep inside you want to run.
Maybe it's undoing your own security and you're questioning your own life.
You won't admit that I might be right and this kills you inside.
Because then you'd have to face your demons and then you cant hide.
For once it consumes you,
the bomb your life is fake.
You won't be able to forget it,
you won't be able to escape.
You see me living my life, authentic, happy and free.
This makes you uncomfortable.
This isn't meant to be.
For you have a value.
My mistakes should make me **** of the earth but I came out on top, you try to attack my worth.
But I know I'm worthy of love, this you can't take away from me.
For it comes from above and it comes from within me.
For people like me, challenge people like you.
I inspire so many, but others feel hatred or envy.
For these relationships that pull me back and forth,
Trying to remind me how hurt they are what a mess I have caused.
They're not for me. In fact,
I'm convinced they're against me.
For if they loved me, they would forgive me and accept my apology.
They'd see my heart.
That I kept quiet to protect my privacy, but also to protect the hearts of everyone around me.
For you didn't need to know, the details only brought you pain.
But your pride made you nosey and now you're suffering when you strived to gain.
Do not put this on me,
This was your call.
You cornered me into spilling, the impact is now beyond my control.
You need to take responsibility and stop blaming me for your issues.
We've barely spoken, how could I be responsible for you?
Stop looking to me, I'm not the source of your depression.
It's the people around you, your fear and your suppression.
You don't want to admit it, but you're surrounded by evil.
They're only out for themselves and the proof is right in front of you.
There's no patience, no self control or goodness.
There's no humility, no understanding or gentleness.
There's no faith, no respect or kindness.
This isn't love.
Don't play it off as righteousness.
Love seeks to understand,
to forgive and to restore.
Love is patient, it protects and removes all ego.
Love is all that matters.
The most powerful force in the universe.
Love is what I fight for and
I will lose it all, to find it.