I'm sorry mom and dad I know I've messed up bad, I should've, should've done, should've done better.
I'm sorry mom and dad for all the time I had to get my life, to get my life together, but I didn't

1993 you gave birth to me, sweet little baby girl had the world at my feet, before I could even stand.
Cradled me in your right and your left hand a precious bundle of un-made plans.
Hopes and dreams of bigger things, a bright future so it seemed
But that light grew a little less bright as I grew up we began to fight.
When I was 13 I was so **** mean, running away had nothing more to say then I hate you.
But that's not true now
I just don't, I just don't, I just don't know how to say;

I'm sorry mom and dad I know I've messed up bad, I should've, should've done, should've done better.
I'm sorry mom and dad for all the time I had to get my life, to get my life together, but I didn't

You never talk about me to your friends
Because you must be so embarrassed
I dropped out of college without any plans; I moved back home I couldn't even pay rent.
I was living on your couch trying to figure it out, cutting myself up, tearing myself down.

I'm sorry mom and dad I know I've messed up bad, I should've, should've done, should've done better
I'm sorry mom and dad for all the time I had to get my life, to get my life together, but I didn't

I'm sorry that I couldn't buy you that house upon that hill
Or take care of all your medical bills
I know I didn't make you proud; I should've been someone by now but I never figured out how
I'm sorry that I couldn't buy you that house upon that hill
Or take care of all your medical bills
I know I didn't make you proud; I should've been someone by now but I never figured out how

I'm sorry mom and dad I know I've messed up bad, I should've, should've done, should've done better.
I'm sorry mom and dad for all the time I had to get my life, to get my life together...

I'm sorry mom and dad I know I've messed up bad, I should've, should've done, should've done better.
I'm sorry mom and dad for all the time I had to get my life, to get my life together, but I didn't

Sincerely, Your Daughter

I gave up on tears
Long ago, so I will let
The sky cry for me

I'm feeling Upsetti
          Can't eat spaghetti
Cause
           I
             Don't
                       Got
                               Any
:(

Please say something, you implore
wearing a halo of uranium based fallout
lift the silence wrapped around your ghosts
hurt me
hate me
hit me with it.

Silence never volunteered itself as a barricade
it slipped its way into gaps left
by broken plates
broken bones
broken homes.

You are not the first to implore me
nor the first to disappoint me
but mutually assured destruction is a two way street
and I can't reverse the nuclear winter in my bones
just to appease the guilt you feel
for bombing everything we had.

I'm so good at hurting myself
Chasing after things I know I can't have
It's no good for me, you're no good for me
I can't talk myself out of it when you keep looking at me the way you do
I'm turning away, no more hide and seek
I'd rather be firm than week at the knees from someone who doesn't deserve me

7 months, hopeful possibility
Scraping my head and heals every step of the way
Speeding to reach the destination
Only not to get your attention
But to be let down
It's comforting to know there's a better fit
But when you bring her around I can't help but clench my fists
Joyful endurance
Avoidance at all costs
Boundaries drawn

I'm enough
More than enough
You don't determine that
I have more to offer than you could accept
There's only so much space available when you're already toxic
Incomplete, growing indifferently
There's something about brokenness that is so limiting

Honesty over deceit
Spare my feelings
Confusion and second guessing is not the way it's supposed to be
This thing is supposed to be easy
Falling into place
Just trying to find that corner piece
It's just not fitting together
When the middle part is missing
Love without heart isn't love at all
Infatuation in the imagination
The harder the fall

Words like sand, I've choked on each
decide my mouth is where I'll keep
those sentences I dare not say
'cause I don't want to anyway
There's something deep that's holding back
the sense of what I think I lack
that's making me feel stuck in skin
walls that I'm not truly in
I question who I am in here
and what I see inside my mirror
Is this what I've worked so hard for
to settle into nothing more
than what I know and not the chance
to learn new trades, to make my stance
If so, then I shall not drink wine
to cleanse this scratching throat of mine
'cause there's no point to speak aloud
when all I've done is settled down

i wrote a poem today
at 3 AM
it was not easy
i do not know how to start it
sentences, words, fragments
are messed up in my head
I wrote a poem today
in the morning
it was hard
asking myself
why was i even writing this
i wrote a poem today
writing my heart in words
they just threw away
i wrote a poem today
i needed a reason to write
and i had it
it wasn't the right one
i wrote a poem today
i gave it to them
i handed my heart
on a silver platter
and they didn't say anything
i wrote a poem today
i gave it again
and they showed me a new one
it wasn't mine
i wish they said something
anything
to say that my poem was good, or bad
i just needed to hear something
from them
but they didn't say anything

At the basic stage of learning a language comes pairs of most commonly used antonyms,
words meaning opposites of each other like the earth and the sky,
far away and close by,
love and hate,
metaphorically speaking even you and me.
Except, sky begins right where earth stops,
so if you really think about it only the soles of our feet are truly grounded,
while our heads have always been in the clouds.
Distance is subjective, so depending on how fast a ride is or the resolution of a lens,
sunsets and full moons are that much closer than a lover's touch.
Love and hate are not two sides of the same coin,
or the extreme ends of the same spectrum,
but rather the same side of the same coin,
exuded by the same people at the same people for the same reasons,
interdependent,
coexisting,
one defining the other.
Well, I suppose that leaves you and me.
As in it literally leaves you and me out,
metaphorically speaking,
figuratively speaking,
theoretically speaking,
you and I aren't antonyms after all because,
as it appears we do not define each other or anything in between.
Like the ocean and a bumblebee.
Here I am calm and blissful with sunlight bouncing off of every wave,
dramatic and roaring, heightened with emotions soaring,
bearing an infinity of life, continuously giving, nurturing and upholding,
but all you want is honey;
metaphorically speaking.