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Roro Aug 2020
Sweet melting ice cream
Sunrise beamed in blue and pink
Snowflakes drizzling, a silent scream
Soft pillows for her cheek to sink
Scents filling her nose like a sweet stream
Lying in her same bed
Eyes open but not awake
Senseless to her frozen core
Not sure if it’s all fake
Her reality now a distant dream
Memories of the world she made, erased
The rainbow sprinkled donut that was her life
She couldn’t recognize or taste
Derealization can make someone feel the world and life they built around them is not real, like living in a hazy dream in an unrecognizable place.
thoughts just slip away
suddenly the whole world around me is spinning
and i’m stuck behind an invisible glass pane
i look down at hands that are now no longer my own
lights are blinding, voices overwhelming
demanding and persecutory
everybody hates me, i need to hurt myself
time is somehow suspended?
i can’t control it
screaming but nobody can hear me
i know that they’re all out to get me
running- not sure where
apparitions of the future
i’m dying
the darkness engulfs
Emma Schelonka Aug 2020
Heavy weight on top of me
falling asleep
Eyes weak and droopy
Body in cement
My spirit floating on top of my lifeless body,
Death is that you?
Why must you come and visit me but never take me to your home?
And yet you won’t let me leave
I want to let go but it seems you have me entranced by your numbness,
I want to be light as air,
Not heavy like a boulder.
I want my spirit back
Why did you take it away from me
Why did you take the vibrancy
Why did you take my eyes to see
Let me go or take me with you
How I feel when I disassociate :)
Ale Jun 2020
My body disintegrates
in front of my own eyes
And I slowly flow into the air.

I can see everything from up here,
from the bigger image
to the tiniest of details
The wind carries me through towns,
parks and houses,
oceans and deserts,
through the lives of many.

I live vicariously through your life,
your problems are my problems,
your feelings my feelings.
You mold my shapeless existence
around yourself.  

I am the scary waves
fighting against each other,
I am the sun
that burns your skin,
I am the rain that soaks
through your clothes
and leaves you cold and lonely.
I am the sunset
that softly paints golden the afternoon,
the moon that shines where lovers meet,
the worn out,
brittle pages that fill your heart with joy
and make your mind wonder.
Im am everything that exists
and ever existed
and I am nothing at once.
I am an empty shell
Resting at the bottom
Of the lonely, dark ocean floor
I feel nothing,
I am no one.
I didn’t pay much attention to the structure of this poem, sorry. Unfortunately, I waste the majority of my time asking myself existential questions that are always detrimental to my mental health, and there are times where I feel like am nothing at all.
Noura Abdelrazec May 2020
they keep running out like roll film before me
pictures clicking away faster than i can see
never repeating old faces flashing by
who are you? perhaps seen once in a lullaby
projector is strangely static - the cartridge drops
still it’s going and it’s going and it never stops
nothing! nothing but it’s all over my fingertips
smudged on my forehead and dripping from my lips
i cannot perceive these silverscreens
tangible airs or figments of my dreams
going and going until it tears and rips
nothing! endless nothings all over my fingertips
Gracie Apr 2020
Slowly options are being restricted
My body tells me I just can't
I must find alternatives to my habits
And I just wish that you could understand
It may seem trivial
To mourn something so little
But its not as simple as it seems
I'm angry
I'm sad
I feel helpless
As this illness takes more away from me
Sometimes I just wish I could do things everyone else can.
Julia Jan 2020
i made you up
inside my head
all i can feel
is regret

and love for you
but is it you?
i don't think
that it is true

i made you up
inside my brain
you're making me
go insane

i fell in love
with the idea
not the person
i need to meet you

i made you up
inside my mind
i feel like
i'm losing time

my love is just
a complete waste
of all my energy
and your space
i fell in love with you without even knowing you
Julia Jan 2020
what does silence sound like?

it's the sound that surrounds me
every night i lay in bed
without your warm embrace
and wonder why i'm so sad
my brainwaves are incoherent
my fingers have gone numb
i haven't left my bed in three days
how i long to feel your touch
the sounds that no one dares to break
at 3 am in a lover's grave
brushing the hair away from my face
but you don't even know my name
and it's all just a dream that i made up
i wonder if i am actually awake
or if i'm stuck in a perpetual nightmare
counting the days until you hold my hand
Monet Echo Dec 2019
I’m here.
I exist.
There’s nothing to resist.
I’m not happy, not sad.
I don’t remember how it feels to be mad.
I’m not melancholy. Not depressed.
Not thinking about what comes next.
Just here. Just existing.
So please stop insisting
That I’m upset or unstable.
I'm just sitting at an internal table.
Watching life happen with an unattached view.
Don’t worry, I’m fine.
It passes with time.
No, it wasn’t you.
I promise, I’ll be okay.
I just can’t feel today.
But... it’s better this way.
It’s just my mental defense.
No I’m not tense.
I’m indifferent to everything.
Yes, everything.
I’ll be fine tomorrow.
I promise it’s not sorrow.
Just let me be today,
and tomorrow you’ll see I really am okay.
I wrote this while having an episode of derealization. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically when you detach from reality (although much more scientific than that). This is more than just “zoning out.” Its almost like a dream. It’s having the inability to feel absolutely anything. Often times my senses feel muffled. Everything just seems fuzzy, distant, and unreal. Indifferent is the only word I’ve found to describe how I feel in the moment accurately, because every other word I’ve tried implies emotion, and there is none during a derealization episode. Sometimes when this happens I don’t recognize my own body as me. It seems like I’m trapped inside a foreign body just watching life happen. My body goes into auto pilot and acts normal, so usually no one even notices. However, sometimes if it’s a really strong derealization episode, even my body doesn’t function properly and I seem withdrawn and depressed. This poem is supposed to be me reassuring someone who sees me in that extreme state that I will be okay. That I’m not depressed, not mad, not sad, etc. But that I just need time for this feeling (or more like lack there of) to wear off. I wanted to write it with an air of patience, due to my inability to be annoyed by people’s questions while I’m experiencing it.
sage silcross Sep 2019
I lost sight of myself
a few hundred miles back
And down here it's hard to fight
the gray hue of a panic attack
I've been looking so hard for an exit to u-turn
I missed the coruscate skyline of you that I yearn
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