I am who I am-
whether that is good or bad
I still can't decide

I ate my own heart out
and I’ve never felt better.
Empty chest but my soul is full-
regrettable actions to fill the hole.
You can see it upon my face-
from these far-too-gone eyes
to that ****** crooked smile.
Don’t love this creature for it
has found peace in destroying itself.

Daybreak
Sunlight washing over me
The end of senseless tragedy
Letting go of pain

Dry spells and misery
Inflaming all my past regrets
For a while, lived sight unseen
Another mile, on a vacant road

Never thought It'd feel this real
Like I could a life in memory
It's been a while since we parted ways
But all those days still seem clear to me
I know the future is fixed in place
But it never felt that way to me
Ever longing for simplicity
Never feeling real

Secluded out here, In the passing trees
Wreathed in light of gaias halo
Through shadows washing over me
In the calm, quiet calamity

Another fantasy I can't fulfill
Or live up to, as evidenced
Imagination of the heartless soul
I never can forget
Nursing wounds that could never close
Something crawling up my throat
To watch the rain fall inside my head
From my bedroom floor

Don't wait
Why would I lie to you?
As ash peels from the coals
That bittersweet hanging rope
Don't you want to let it go?
Cause it's never getting better than this
There's no going anywhere next
Think of something you love
All things you held close

Daybreak
Sunlight washing over me
The end of senseless tragedy
Letting go of pain

It’s terrifying
when you get hit
with a revelation at 2am
that you can’t picture yourself
five or ten years into the future
sharing a cosy suburban apartment
with the love of your life,
with a family to call your own.

A down trodden path.

A rainy night.

Muddy boots.

****** hands.

Marching on.

And on.

And on.

Tear stained cheeks.

Eyes filled with terror.

Hopeless,

Lonely,

Broken,

and

Defeated.

Bad days come and go
they weigh me down
they're heavy on my chest
they're a strain on my breath

Bad days come and go
they tire me out
they're a fog I can't clear
they're the blur in my eyes

Bad days come and go
they wear me down
they're cuts against my skin
they're the weariness in my bones

Bad days come and go
they come and go
they come and never go

It's just another bad day

Right?

In my last days
No goodbyes will be spoke
No sadness will be felt

In my last days
I will be numb
I will smile all the same

In my last days
Nothing will matter
Nothing will seem real

In my last days
No one will know
No one will stop me

On my last day
I will write a letter
I will load a gun

On my last day
There won't be tears
There won't be regret

I will be free
On my last day

Twenty two years
No fun, no revelry, no fame
Twenty two, nine years past thirteen
No more hope
No more dreams

Like the match brightly lit
Illuminating the darkened corner of the room
Slowly fading as its snuffed out
As the flame meets with the end of its stick

And so it is that that which is by my own guilt and pain
For the you can’t change the past but strive for a better tomorrow
Yet the future is all to much the same.

Nothing more now for all that’s left is time
Watching left hand move forward
As the days of my future
Slowly fall by the wayside

Its pain of the morrow
The feeling that persists
The edge that tears the hole
The demise of any hope thats left.

Silhouette of the reaper
Shadow of my fear
Branding me with
Thoughts of my own demise
Our fragile moth wings
Incinerate when we touch the light.
-2019

Buried 6 feet below in the loamy soil
Repressed in the grave
Coffin, confine
Sink into the dark pitch black
Resurface as memory
The night calls
The knife murmurs
Earthen tang
Blade strike
Leave the recollection
And envisage only briefly
Tracing the scars along thy face
A roadmap of thoughts
A construct of humanity
Life
Love
Death forevermore.
-2019