3am, everyone is sleeping,
In a dark room sits a girl in bed shaking.
Looking for anything to numb the pain,
And quiet the heavy thoughts in her brain.

She has never had this brave idea before,
She goes and sneaks in her brothers drawer,
Pulls out his sharp army blade,
And runs to the bathroom where reality fades.

From an old art set she finds her own tool.
Continues to treat her stomach and thighs cruel.
She discovered this way to cope in 9th grade,
And now in 11th doesn’t let her scars fade.

Life feels too heavy.
Too many worries.
Too many pressures.
Too many responsibilities.
Too many hardships.
Pain.
Despair.
Hope turns to despair.
Happiness turns to numbness.
Calmness turns to pain.

Too fast.
So bleed.
Bleed.
Bleed.
Till everything is silent.
But it’s not silent.
It’s not working.
Making me panic.
Why isn’t it working?

Lines marked so neatly
Parallel to each other
On my leg horizontally
Each of them redder

Like pencils lined up
Neatly in a row.
Without any breakup
All perfectly so

Some are faded
Some fresher
Some lighter
And some harsher

Drawn carefully
To bleed and stain
Makes me have safety
To feel the pain

the thought strikes
clings with its whole might
just take the blade
before old scars fade
fighting to keep the thoughts at bay
just cut the inside pain away
hugging my tear soaked pillow
drowning in my sorrow
I shakingly sit up
Reach for the blade where it was last put
I know I shouldn’t be doing this
But the pain I cant help but miss
It silences how I feel inside
I don’t always do it to die
Just to do at least one thing
That no one else is controlling
I really want to now
To stop I don’t know how
So I give in and take the razor
Raise my pant legs and hover over
Bring the knife to my skin
Till my legs get crimson
When im done with my thing
My poor thighs sting
Now I don’t focus on the inside pain
Or feel as insane
I just let the bleeding
Do the healing.

I will never
hide
my story.
perhaps
a warning,
or a precaution of what not
to do.
but frankly,
I wouldn’t change much.
It really did make me stronger.
allowed me more empathy,
let me see
into a little
bit of horror
others go through.

don’t you dare
judge scars,
be grateful
you’ve been
trusted
with their
story.

I came
to the conclusion
one line at a time
tripping off
commas that
I thought
left me breathless
but turned out
they were
*******
the life
out of
me

i lie in my bed at night, as the voices grow louder and louder and louder
consuming everything around me as i press my blanket to my ears, trying, desperately, to block out the noise
i need a distraction
something to take this pain away
the sharp sound of the scissors
blood clots
stabbing pain
scars on my wrists
                   you deserve it you deserve it you deserve it you deserve it  
                             you deserve the pain, the hurt, everything
                  you deserve it
the voices grow louder
                   you deserve it
and louder
                   you deserve it
and louder
there is no escape.
the dark creeps in, infiltrating everything, its teeth bared,
gleaming dark obsidian
and charcoal until it consumes everything
until all you can do is
cut

My heart goes to the people out their,
                                                            who write their pain on their skin.
This goes out to the addicts,
                                                 The people who starve to be pretty.
This goes out to the victims,
                                                 Who need to hear that it isn't their fault it never was and never will be.

I write my pain on my body,
                                               Reopen the scars of the past,
                              It hurts to think, breath, write, wake up.
                                       Why does it hurt??
           Please god make it stop,
I'm begging you
                            I can grind the glass to my face erase my eyes,
                                        Eat the glass and disappear from the inside,
                                                    But,
­It all feels like home,
                                   Cutting is,
My security blanket,
                                   And their trying to, take it away from me.
                                    Their sending me away.
          Why?
I need to cut myself they can't take it from me.
               I NEED it.