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Nobody May 2018
If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men ****** to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.
Love, Lovesick, cowardice, inexperience, love-lost, lost love, depression, sad
SangAndTranen Mar 2018
Hiding, running,
What’s the difference?
I’m still avoiding the danger.

Missing the “thrill”
Of death’s hand
On my shoulder.

Missing the weight
Of impulsive decisions
On my head.

Facing the music is overrated
When there is a mute button
At hand.

Leave me alone.
Stop injecting me with your fire,
Turning my heart into a thunderstorm.

I don’t like rain,
I don’t run into the snow.
Let me sit in the sun.

Blood or none,
Stay far away.
You are nothing
But trouble to me.

You’re shadowed by toil,
Stop telling me I’ll love the pain.
I’m not going to take your hand,
And walk into the chaos.

I think with my head,
Not my sword.
So I’ll count the days until someone tells me,
You got yourself killed.
Bit weird, as usual.
Merry Feb 2018
Death was in her lungs
And it was imminent
Every *******, gulping breath she took
Came with a bedside beg
Of release

I couldn’t stay
I couldn’t watch
I’m a coward
A traitor to the blood
In my veins
So alive, so healthy
To the blood
I received from her

A kiss upon her forehead
Her darkened skin
Turned to paper
Sickeningly soft
To my rough lips

Her suffering
Not dulled
By anything
Spirituality, science
People or family

A painful, sputtering sleep
In a clinical room
By the murky sun’s graceless light
On a cloudy afternoon

I forgot to say
I love you
But words aren’t enough
Words are meaningless
It is our actions
Which doth divine
Our true intentions
Our true emotions
And mine
Reveal only cruelty
And the absence of courage
For my Grandmother, may she rest in peace.
mt Nov 2017
i wouldn't recommend you spend your years like me.
No no.
I did learn a thing or two! It's true.
But looking back I was beating around off track.
Years with the machete swinging lethargically
For empty hours each day
Contented to sit and grow fat on red berries.

What could i have done to skip my fall tonight
through the ice of these memories?
Is it today that colours the yesterdays in my brain?
A dark arctic swirl.
Submarine windows, cracking panes

What could i do now to stop feeling the same.
Let those carcasses freeze over,
Breathe air on top

I would like to say I'm a caterpillar
Become butterfly.
But that's not how humans work.

As I look through windows to the past
I whisper that they're growing pains.
Can I love my skin, as I stroke my scars?
I hope these feelings do not last.
I'm not dead yet, is my refrain.
Those bruises you once left on my hips
didn't look so good on my arms
I wonder how they look
Now that they're on my heart
*You would know since you're the one holding it.
How long did it continue to beat after it left my chest?
Three Of Swords
That's what you are
SwordNPen Jul 2017
I tripped over these words so much that my knees
are scared with permanent bruises If I could say the words
that are caught in my throat I would be able to live with
no regrets. However I'm only half the man I pretend to be
so I live with three words forever lodged in my throat,
so if I could go back i would tell you....
.......that......I......
Atoosa Jul 2017
Could've Been
Almost was...
Lost your chance
To write the story of Us

You don't have what it takes to write a living masterpiece:  
courage, open heart, empathy and trust

I'm the most amazing woman that ever could've been yours...... if you were not so afraid to be mine.

We were to belong to each other and to God together.
But now you will have to settle for less because you could not bring yourself to be more.
Or perhaps it never could've been at all. Hard to know sometimes even in retrospect what was real and what was illusion .

"
Delta Swingline Jun 2017
I like to believe that I'm stronger than I am.
That I'm braver than I am.

And yet, I fall into cowardice like any other reflex built into my skin.
It's a program the world wanted to overwrite onto my story. Like I didn't have a choice about whether or not I wanted to be miserable.

And I want to be better.
Who doesn't?

I just... fall away. Like it's so easy to give in to what you've been exposed to. No matter how dangerous or vulnerable it makes you.

You just fall.

I drop into a broken conversation, it just ended with an "I'm sorry".

It feels so final.

Like the unsatisfying ending of a story you wish you could rewrite. Like you're in so much control, you'll do anything to keep that control within your grasp.

I didn't want this.

I didn't want the final result I got.
Nothing.

An open road, and being told to just go anywhere.
Anywhere but were you came from.
Leaving home, and not returning to the comfort of the arms that held up your body when it couldn't fight gravity, falling to the ground.

They pick you up like it's the only thing they were ever taught to do.

I wish I told them everything.
I wish I told them how much I could cry.
How it could make an ocean all on its own.

I wish I hugged them more.
Told them they were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Told them that I would drop everything to be there for them.

That I would write songs about them.
That I would write and write and write until we had no more jokes to laugh about.

So, I guess the writing and laughing would never stop.

I wish I said more.

I mean. I wish I said something.

I wish...

I wasn't so afraid of being here.

I was told to go back to them.

I wonder if they'd ever want me back.
After everything.

So how do I go about this sort of deja vu?

Being told that:

"Maybe one "Hello" will flip everything."

Maybe. But I haven't gotten there.

Not yet anyway.
I'm just scared of being honest even though that is one of the only things I have left.
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