A painting in red
And finally silence
An infinite flat line
I am not dead
There is no violence
Trust me I am fine

They say repetition makes you remember things easier.
I forget what his face looks like every now and again I forget what his face looks like every now and again I forget what his face looks like every now and again I forget--

They say if you say a word too many times,
it loses it's meaning.
I'msorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry
sorrysorrysorryso­rrysorrysorrysorry.
Please staystaystaystaystaystaystaystay.

They say if you say something enough times...want it bad enough, it'll come true.
He'll come back to me, he'll come back to me, he'll come back to me.

They say that sometimes, if you love someone, it means you have to let them go.

But if I don't remember,

who will?

Felt the pretense behind closed eyes,
  composed vibrations of rhetoric              
   freelancing in executing ignis fatuus

drank the kool-aid of your own grandeur
   a punch drunk conviction's onus
   in false pretenses of a  mislead head trip

a study in contradiction's convulsions
    simmered of half past lucid judgement,
   junctures of reality submersed
      in cloudy formations
        impervious to reasoning*

...a saga written upon piqued skies of indifference

See that demon
She's a hydra
Her faces they multiply

Piercing light
Made of truth
Cuts down her wicked lies

I was caught once
In that succubus' grip
Tell you then life was sad

Happily, I'm freed now
And I know that I will never go back
Yes I know I'll never go back

It was hard times
living that lifestyle
Witness crimes your best friends make
I was lost and lonely
Dosing off my last mistake

You'd find me beaten
And I'd be crying
Over the little bit of milk I spilt

What you don't know
What I won't say
It's something that I would never admit

See that demon
She's a hydra
And I'm in round 3 with her
She's winning, and I'm quitting
But the girl don't know all my tricks
Because I'm fooling
Make a feint move
Then swing those words with all my might

listen (Honey listen to me)
Very closely (This isn't working out)
I'll tell you all that I have learned(we aren't the same people we were)
when they call you (and I've got to go)
To come home (I'll never forget...)
It's valuable if it's what you yearn.(Goodbye)

Drove away, broke the breaks
Closed my eyes... where am I now?
Perhaps I've sailed
too close to the sky.
Rowing and rowing,
unminding the splinters.
To bleed just a little
And bleed more and more.

If I'd fly an airplane,
I'd explore the seas
To chuckle underwater
watching a submarine burn.
Went a little insane
or so I was told.
Said they'll build me a fortress,
but they'd call it an asylum.

They'd always visit
when most are fast asleep
Running back and forth
as their tails touch the floor.
I love how their eyes glisten,
clustered stars in a black hole.
But they only saw me once
through the window on the door.

Freed at last!
Or so I thought.
They gave me shelter -
the finest they had.
Pinpointing I was happy
whilst their words deny
So mute the sound,
see how they open their mouths.

Maybe I was stable
so they let me be.
But the more I stay,
the more I drift away.
They may see the goodness,
but I only see the sins.
Crawled back to my asylum -
**the place where I should be.

Contradictory feelings...
The buzz is insane.
Squealing with excitement,
Although I feel ill.
You are extraordinary...
I want a closer look
I wish for better luck.
Come here, darling.
You don't have to
Hold your tongue...
I can busy it otherwise,
If you'd prefer.
I know I would.
We are so close
In distance,
But not quite there yet
Emotionally.
If I reached out to you,
Would you take my hand?
Take my hand,
Until you understand...

A word i can't seem to remember
A feeling i can't evade
A home whose address i have forgotten
A grief that i always carry with myself
A sleep that forsakes me till late hours
A dawn that breaks a wink too soon
A flower that just won't bloom
A thorn that never falls
A sun with its light too dull
A moon too bright
A smile that never reaches eyes
A frozen tear that never melts
A melody of my mother long erased
A horrible selfdegrading voice that won't leave my head
A silence that keeps storming
A storm that silences all our hearts' pleads
A you i can't seem to stop writing about*
A me that never crosses your mind*

-A.K.

I AM NOT A KILLER BUT MY LOOKS ****.
I AM NOT WHAT YOU WOULD CALL DANGEROUS, BUT YOU WON’T FIND SAFETY PROMISED HERE.
I AM NOT ELECTRICITY OR EXCITEMENT, BUT SECRETLY MY SOUL THRILLS ALL.
I AM NOT YOUR SONG OF LAUGHTER, NOR YOUR MUFFLED GIGGLES-BUT I PROMISE TO PAIN YOUR STOMACH WITH MANY.
I AM NO MARVEL, NOR SOME GRAND MASTERPIECE, BUT I AM THE CREATOR OF MY BEAUTY.
I AM AND AM NOT SO MANY CONTRADICTIONS.
I WILL DECIDE IN THE MOMENT.

I long to travel,
but for a place to call my own.
I wish to find true love,
but for solidarity.
I dream of spontaneity,
but of stability.
Everyday, nostalgic,
but dreaming of tomorrow.

Praying for simplicity,
if not for contradiction.