How can I possibly fix this misery
It’s like a non stop bleeding injury
That I constantly feel everyday
Is there a cure for it or some way?

I was so innocent then, now I’m unsure
How can I fix my heart that was once pure?
Am I still the same, is all this in my head
Life feels so fake from the books I’ve currently read

Its events that occur from time to time
Yet here I am making simple words rhyme
When am I going to experience what they do?
And when am I going to find friends who will be true
Jealousy arises within me as I see others laughing
Meanwhile all I secretly do is basically crafting

Writing words that appear out of nowhere
And after I’m done, I would simply stare
At the poems I’ve created which is my only talent
Yet are there any others that are somehow unbalanced?

The feeling of hopelessness drips in me
I wish I can view the world like in the past
And to be able to finally see
That friendships are likely never to last

Why can’t I see the colorful side of the world
To be able to listen to the words I’ve been told
My heart currently feels extremely cold
Can’t all this just be sold?
Maybe I just need an animal to hold.

The child that viewed the world as vibrant
As there were no given requirements
If I could return to these peaceful days
And forever be stuck, yet I wouldn’t learn the right ways

Life moves on it’s how we survive
Soon will be able to drive
The amount of responsibilities is hard to take in
Am I ever going to finally win?

Diverse opportunities come my way
Hangouts and current friendships that want me to stay
But I want to leave this all behind
Or maybe even wish for time to simply rewind

Where I used to love the little things
But now guilt is all it brings
For how I didn’t succeed my ways
Exams that constantly fill my trays

Pressure is adjusted frequently a lot
The damage in my heart that I thought I had fought
Which constantly returns one day around another
And when anyone asks I’d say I’m subtle
Battles I fight that never seems to end
Why can’t my mind just for once try to comprehend?

That the ones who truly love and already in front
So why am I constantly trying to hunt
Hoping to leave her cruelness all behind
But there’s still a missing piece I’m hoping to find

What if that piece was filled years ago
But it’s like I covered it up with heavy freezing snow
I’d first cared and asked as much as I could
For the ones who I cared about yet now I feel stood
Not by them, but by the one who I knew would hurt
So why haven’t I yet learnt?

My heart needs to be fixed as soon as it can
And I want to adjust myself a suitable plan
Afraid of pushing away the ones who have been there since day one
But of course I can’t just simply run

If my actions continue to stay the way it is
Life’s for sure gonna get harder than this
With college applications and constant regulations
Patiently having to wait if we receive any invitations
Scores that are required to enter
Yet my patience will soon surrender

All I can think about yet ruined my life
Hopefully one day my poems would be rife
When people who done me wrong return
To ask for help, I would never give them an intern

Confident as I sound
My heart still feels like it hasn’t been found
Trying to get over what she did
Wishing I could NEVER forgive yet god forbid
Peace is what one shall make
Even if they are one hundred percent fake
But why am I holding my life like it's at stake?

How to get over it is what I frequently ask
It’s simply a disturbing task
Undeserving of the attention I silently give
Why can’t I just focus on myself and let me live

Digging myself into a deeper hole
As if I have just lost control
Unable to explain the way I feel
But when can life finally feel real?

My heart pouring and bleeding
Trying to connect the words while I am speaking
However, the tears in my eyes just keep leaking
When it’s not me, but the thing that’s beating

Hoping to feel the sense of excite
Knowing that it was right
Now it’s impossible to enjoy what I used to
When will my time stop being so blue?

To deserve more than this is what I expect
But do I have any sense of respect?
As I drift away from the ones I love
Especially how I used to be above

Constantly giving advices to the ones who ask
How come I never use it
Is this another impossible task?
Or something I can rarely admit

This isn’t me
But who is she?
Is this the one who is calm and pure
Or the one that has been recently endured

Amount of things I am somewhat afraid
Numerous people who have had me played
Too dumb to notice don’t understand how
Can’t all this just leave me alone and end now?

If I lose him, I’d end myself
Not what you think so stop asking yourself
Through the amount of pain my heart has bled
Fake rumors about me will never stop being spread…

My confidence had somewhat decreased
And I however am not simply pleased
I just want the girl who wasn’t hurt
Change can really affect one as well as leave tear marks on their shirt

Failure is what I’m afraid of most
But I won’t tell anyone, so instead I’ll have a delicious well made toast

I'm a big target,
I don't fit the mold.

Does the fact I'm self contempt,
Scare you and your self admired stature?

Just because you will give confidence for popularity,
Doesn't mean I have to.

So move on,
I won't grieve myself due to you.

You must be drunk or high
If you think that you're the guy
Who's going to change this world
With a poetry supply. So why even try?
A couple of sly rhymes and a clever word
scheme won't mean a thing when you die.

So, throw that to the side
and allow me to guide you. Back to the carousel,
Go ahead, take a ride. Those feelings will subside
Once I've got you back inside. You might as well have fun
'cause you can run, but you can't hide.

There's not a single space
Where I can't find your face
And when you try to elevate,
I'll put you right back in your place
So don't make the mistake
Of trying to take a leap of faith
Cause we'll be here again
But, by then, it's too late

You'll wind up a disgrace
And make your poor mom sob.
You'll lose that one shot at that cozy office job.
You'll still feel alone, and you'll still feel worthless
And all this disturbance because you think
you have a purpose? All this to be a servant
for people who don't want service?

You must be **** determined
to make a fool of yourself, but don't worry
It's all cool; that's why I'm here to help
So, just follow my directions and stay
the planned route 'cause you'll get chopped down
If you try to stand out, and your words don't matter
So just shut your **** mouth!

...Listen to my voice, and this will all pan out.
C'mon, have I ever let you down?
You know who I am. I am doubt.

Overwhelming emotions buried deep within
With just one tap, it gets shaken, resurfacing once more
Confidence I've built, yet to grow
Crumbles down
Like sandcastles drowned by the tide's flow.

Quis sum ego?
Vir som.
Ego confido in me,
Est bonum?

No longer will I apologize
For the ragged edges of my Soul.

For I am
Wind. Fire. Earth. Water. Ether.
Elements which within I won't control.

Ravenous and beating wild,
Always enough;
My strong, yet tender heart.

For all these things
To be known as both
Moon and Sun

- For being Me -

I'm sorry aren't words
I'll whisper anymore.

©KSS 12/2017

be strong as a supernova they say,
glow bright,
excel through the endless night,
yet, even stars, in their final hour,
fade into murk, losing their radiancy.
replaced by the suns power.