and if you're tired of the blocked calls with no answer, please know it's more than some punk kid with too much time on his hands. Please pick up. I need to hear your voice.
"Hello?"
yes. he's there. he's real. it wasn't all in my head.
"Hello...?"
oh right, that's what your voice sounds like. i'd give anything to have all those late night i love yous preserved in my memory
"Is anyone there?"
it's me. i'm here. i miss you. oh my god i love you. please don't go
please love me
please come back
*please.

The distance between you shakes the earth and you're just happy to feel something other than smoke from burning memories filling your lungs night after night. Well dear, at least now you're not as empty, but in the end you are what turns to ash.

I walk into your new home,
and the ground is always wet ,
because of all the tears wasted,
telling you to come back,
ever since she left,
you've been gone too,
you’re always staring at the sky,
but there’s something in your way,
you’re trapped,
but you've never felt more free,
you always compared her to an angel,
I don’t think you’ll find her this time,
your eyes are always closed,
as if her love is a dream,
you don’t want to wake up from,
but she’s gone.
So are you.
I still keep telling you to wake up,
she’s not there anymore,
maybe I'm the one that’s dreaming,
maybe I didn't see you try to catch her by jumping,
maybe I’ll wake up one day.
Maybe I won’t.
Maybe you’re actually gone.
You always used to pick flowers for her,
now you’re among their roots,
I leave the graveyard.

I didn't cry today
I can't write it in a resume or post in a status or sing it in a song
But I didn't cry today so maybe that means I'll be okay
Maybe the unprompted tears or sudden screams are over
Maybe I'll never sit in the shower hyperventilating
Because I accidentally pictured his eyes
Again

When I hear his name
It’s like every one of those horrible moments all rolled into one
It’s like every time I pick up the phone to call him
And the universe waits till the third digit to remind me that he’s gone
Because that’s what he is: gone
But I can't forget the way he held my face
Or his laugh at three in the morning

I avoid sitting in certain rooms
Because when I walk by his spot
It's like it’s mocking me
"You're still here and he's not"

So I'll celebrate the first day without tears
I'll ignore people who may mention him
And when I walk into the dining room
I'll keep my eyes on the floor
So I'm not reminded that it's no longer his chair
And he’ll never be there
Again
{bcg}

1,2,3,4
You weren't at my door.
5,6,7,8
No love to calculate?
My stars are gone, you weren't there.
You've got all of my love- all of my care.
Hey handsome, it will be okay.
Tell me how you are doing today.
If you are sick, let me make you laugh,
If you've lost interest in me, snap my heart in half.
Just whatever you do, tell me,
Cause for only my eyes can see,
The feelings that are burning through you.
My love for you only grows stronger,
Your days of pain make mine seem longer,
Because I wish I could help you.
I love you, Yes I really do.
You have all of me,
My heart,
My thoughts,
My spirit,
My love.
In which you own,
Through the love you've shown.
All I want to do is love you,
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want to annoy.
I just want to love you.
And if you come back, let me be the first to say,
Just how much I love you in every way.
I,2,3,4
There isn't anymore.
5,6,7,8
Coming back will never be too late~

Yesterday
I'm sitting in my bed
Thinking, "yesterday"
A few hours ago
It all happened
And it gave me hope
I hadn't felt like that
In quite a while
It was beautiful
Yesterday

It's been so long
A lot has happened
I spent less time on me
I spent more time on them
I lost me
In finding them

So I sat in the crowd
In the presence
Of friends and families
Haters and liars
Back-stabbers and betrayers
It didn't matter
This was my time
I looked at the wall
I saw a cloth printed
"Merit Award Ceremony"

I fell into a trance
While the guest speaker
Gave his speech
In half an hour
He would give me a handshake
One I truly deserved

I felt my heart sink
My spirit kneel
I could hear my heart beat
And so could everyone around me
I was shy
I wasn't used to this
I've always been smart
But lately
I had dimmed
A lot had happened

So this moment
Was the affirmation
Of my comeback
I knew this wasn't the end
This was the beginning
Only the beginning

You can never know
How fast a runner is
At the beginning of the race
We just believe
That they're ready
It is when they begin to pace
Accelerating
That we truly appreciate
I felt that way
Yesterday

My phone vibrated
I glared at it's screen
It was my mom
She sent a text
She had just arrived
To uphold my achievements

I felt someone pat my back
Persistently
I shot back to reality
I looked above
It was my friend
Reminding me
To get in line
The time had come
I stood up
Confidently

I felt eyes on me
Envious eyes
Of the other students
Who came
To witness the success
Of students like me

The speaker
Announced my name
I took a step forward
I walked up the stairs
It didn't matter
My failures didn't matter
The fact is I achieved
That was why I was invited
In the first place
To this pleasant ceremony

I felt deserving
When the guest speaker
Gave me my certificate
And shook my hand
We posed for a quick picture
I heard the crowd cheer

I stood on stage
I recalled whatever it was
That the guest speaker said before
I felt inspired
Motivated
Strengthened
I smiled at the thought
They will be seeing
A lot more of me
Here, every school term.

I can't get enough
You are becoming the air I breathe
The water I drink
The food I eat
My sustainment

But you'll be gone soon
I'll suffocate
Die of thirst
Starve
My oblivion.