be careful when handling me.
my body was built with gunpowder,
and someone lit my fuse
long before we met.

be aware that at any moment,
I could burst.

you can run away now
and never look back,

or you can wait here with me
and together, we'll look up at the sky.

it's entirely your choice.

but, darling, if you can't accept
the chaos inside of me,

then you will have no right
to comment on
my beautiful explosion.

I have a mouth and I must scream but I have nowhere to.
I have eyes that wants to shed tears but I have no shoulder to lean on.
I have a body that seeks warmth and solitude but all I get is emotional thrashing.

I have a mouth and I want to scream but I have nowhere to go to.
I have eyes that are tired and want to close forever but I cannot do so.
I have a mind that is drained but all I can muster is a grimace to show for it.

I have a roof on my head called a house but it rarely feels like home.
I am speaking loudly but it seems no one can hear me.
I have eaten with tears spilled on my cheeks but no one seems to think I am not okay.

There is nothing but confusion which rests on my worn body;
A tomb of my own turmoil, emotions gushing forth.
Words are not enough until they become the flowers that adorn my casket. And even then, no one seems to notice the intricacy that made them.

I am a hollow shell of my physical body,
A soul haunting the living world asking for somebody,
But there is no one except for silence.

I have crumbled here, left crumbs to hint to a destroyed temple,
But there never seems to be anyone willing to visit my shrine,
To light a candle for this wandering soul...


Where do I go from here?

i went off grid
    in search of peace of mind
but guess what i found
      i found chaos awaiting me
in the fortress of my solitude
peace was nowhere to be found
         only broken mirrors on the floor
reflecting anxiety in every frame
the skeletons of paranoia creeped out of every closet i opened...

//Do you hear those silent screams
that echo in my mind,
as I sit down under the dim lights crying?
These silent screams have been
in my mind for years now,
but they fall on so many deaf ears.
You tell me you can't hear them
and I cannot cease to wonder
how will you hear them
when they're in my mind
and how will you know
when I keep telling you I'm fine.
But what do I tell you?
These screams have no words.
It's just feelings of sadness and darkness
that come together in herds.
Behind this smiling face,
lies a dark endless road,
bringing about an ounce of chaos,
every second a little more.
How do I explain this feeling
of void and darkness
to someone who hasn't
experienced it once?
How do I smile,
when my happiness trickles away,
just like water in your hands.
How do I tell you that
the pain isn't temporary?
How do I answer these questions
when I have no answers?
All I can do is
cover my mouth shut
to try and hush the
silent screams.//
~Swati