Hello, old friend. How much has changed in the past six years? A lot. Yet here I am again. Heartbroken. If you’ll allow me, I’d like to spill my heart back out to you.
To the question as to if I moved on: yes. With the help of family and friends, I got through those dark days. There are losses that are far more heartbreaking than that of losing a lover. In two years, feeling as though I could not go on, I did. I learned resilience.
I learned to love me. I set new goals for myself. I stepped away from the things that weren’t building me up. I learned to push through every set back, every heartache, every disappointment. I focused on work and raising the kids the best way I know. I made new friends. I learned to enjoy being alone. And then eventually, I learned to love again. It was not easy. The walls around my heart were made of titanium after all. There were struggles and nights of self resentment for being so difficult to love. But it happened.
This time though, it was different. You see I am older now, my expectations have grown with me and this love, this new, exciting love was growing with me too. He was there while I was juggling work and motherhood, and I with him while reaching his dreams. We grew together. He was patient while we navigated a somewhat LDR relationship. He was in every sense of the word my partner.
How wonderful it was to be with someone who enjoyed all the same things. We shared dreams, goals, and aspirations. We encouraged, supported, and worked with each other to reach them. How different it was to be building a life with someone. And I said to myself: this is what I went through all that pain for; this is why good things fell apart. This was the better that came for it… UNTIL IT WASN'T.
It is amazing what the human heart and mind can handle isn’t it? How after three years of talking to someone every minute of everyday you can just stop. How someone who you shared a life with, all the goals and plans and dreams can just stop.
So here we are again. Six years later. The same, but different. I am trying to relearn resilience.
