Because I am my father's child, forgive me whilst I observe your character without allowing myself to fall for you pretences.

Because I am my father's child, ignore me as I ignore you watching me, you thinking that I cannot see you watching me.

Because I am my father's child, hold me back when I replay my past hurts in my tone.

Because I am my father's child, observe me as my doe-like eyes observe the beauties of The Father's world for me.

Because I am my father's child please pull me out of my tornado of self doubt and self hatred when you see a cloud of darkness over me.

Because I am my father's child, do not bother me when my face seems distorted with confusion, I am only dissolving into my thoughts.

Because I am my father's child, ignore the voice you hear when I think I am alone, at times it is the richness in my own tone that I  wish to hear the most.

Because I am my father's child, do not be fazed by the guttural sounds of my prayers, it shakes the ground because whatever I bind on earth is bound in heaven.

Because I am my father's child, please think before you spit words of despair into my face, he and I are still healing from how our father's treated us.

I’m broken

The heaviness of expectation,
The overwhelming weight of it,
Has broken me.

The tension,
Pulling me in too many directions -
Tight and unrelenting -
Has broken me.

The rupture is silent,
Like watching a vase fall,
Colliding with a tiled floor -
Shattering -
While you stand outside,
Watching through a window.

Debris flying,
Chaos ensuring,
Yet serene silence.

The type of rupture
You always keep inside.

Because if it is allowed out...

Who will care
For everyone else
Who is broken?

Who will clean up the debris?
Who will pick up the pieces,
And reassemble?

So for now,

The vase remains in pieces,
Placed together -
But not mended.

There is no time.

Except...

A broken vase,
Simply placed back together,
Cannot hold water.

It cannot fulfil
Its purpose.

Eventually,

The pieces will collapse...
The room will flood,
And everyone will drown.

I must mend.
I must repair.
I must become...
Whole,

Again.

Your words left a crater
A crater that cannot not be filled
You were old
You were sick
You were dying
You were fighting
Fighting the battle you knew you would lose
And the words you last spoke.
The last words that your voice ever carried
The words you spoke with your last breath
The words you said in a whisper
They haunt me,
Yet they comfort me
        "You're special to me and I hope you know I love you dear"
You paused and looked out the hospital window
        "No matter where you are. I will be watching from the sky."
These were that last words you spoke
and they broke me
I want you back
But the reaper was there waiting for his chance to claim you.

When the connection isn't right,
All the actions and pure intentions can lose their significance,
Crawl out of your  fantasy world and live.