i spent too long addicted to pain
i still bury myself in it compulsively
too long wanting it

happiness has filled me
slowly pouring in
in the form of you
sickly sweet and incredibly good
in the form of accomplishment
in doing something good
tiny bits of happiness coming from
here here and there
things i didn’t see before
people i didn’t know
like you

pain isn’t cute to me anymore
isn’t poetic even if i lace it through my poems

life is still bitter but constantly reaching for sadness tastes so much worse

happiness isn’t a something you choose but now

its an option

and that’s so much

To know

To know hate
You have to love first
Or understand the experience from a relativistic point of view
Eww

To know love
You have to open the word up and not judge
Even though I wouldn't call that true love

To know happiness
You have to experience sadness, anger, and all the above

To miss something you have to either be aiming or have a target in mind or have it and lose it over some period of time

To know
Is hard to define
Because you need know the opposite

The problem is we tend to forget what knowing accomplishes

What knowing what the real problem is

If knowing is the problem them
Should you reconsider experiencing from the start again

Believing you have a choice in the matter
Knowing what your value is

And even to know that
You have to experience
The thing that makes you know

Consciousness

If I had met you before everything happened you would have been
an icy shock through my veins,

but after everything I've been through, im numb to the cold.

How does happiness fare
I asked to a man
For he exhibited a broken smile

"Every once in a while" he said
I can feel warmth of a thousand suns
Only to be extinguished by the rain

To see the blossoming petals
Dance eternally in the wind
Only to be clouded by the dark

The broken man smiled
For he removed his mask
"Every once in a while"