Is it really like how it's shown on TV?
Does he wrap his arms around your waist
and hug you from behind?
Does he kiss your forehead
and play with your fingers while you watch a show?
Do you tangle your legs together when you sleep
and does he like the way your hair smells like lavender?
Does he think about you when you're with your friends
and text you to ask what's going on?
Does he wait eagerly for a notification from you
and does he put on the hat you said you liked, that one time?
Does he take you to dinner
and hold your and across the table?
Does he look at you, and really truly see you,
and still think you are beautiful and good?

Why, oh why, does no one want this with me?
Are those things what people really do?

I've seen these things done,
in real life and in books and in poetry and on tv and
somehow the world goes on around me
but I feel like I'm missing a piece of myself

A piece of my heart is missing
a man is not that missing piece
nor is a man going to complete me
but I see people living like this around me
and I long for it, I yearn for it, I beg for it

I want someone to want me in the way I want them
I want someone to miss me and wait for me to get out of class
I want to know they are committed to me and only me
I want someone to count the days until we are together again
I want someone to love me and want me, so wholly

Why is that too much to ask for?

Why is that so hard to find?

today was yesterday and they lied about tomorrow.
it doesn't exist. just like you.
you are only one thing in a world of hatred recklessness.
you were never planned. you are nothing. let me make it clear.
i don't want you to think that you got it easy. because you didn't.    
no-one ever does. its a myth of constellations in the sky.
i want. * don't say it * it breaks people and keeps them in eternal darkness. you are asking for something they can't extrapolate from themselves.
what are you going to take from this. nothing.
you fit. thats all you need to know. you certainly don't fit in. but you fit. within a world of your own.
because of me. i wanted it to be perfect. it wasnt. it never will. and this is now my punishment.
take it from me.

yours sincerely,
past

Why does this constantly happen to me?
History repeats over and over

I would think I would be used to this
by now,
but yet every time it happens
I feel the same **** feeling.

When will it stop?
When will I learn?

I cry for belonging.

I cry for love.
How I long for someone to come home to,
For a man to care for me
For a lover to comfort me in my distress
For a cover of sleep to encapsulate me
Yet I have none of these things,
I cry for love.

I cry to be held in the arms of my mother.
I am so far from home,
I can see myself sitting with her in my bed
She looks at me the way only a mother could
She makes my heart slow at the sound of her voice
Though I am not home, I am so far
I cry to be held in the arms of my mother.

I cry to feel something.
I go through my scheduled day
With tunnel vision, the world moves on around me
but all I see is a haze of people who say they hate me
I cry to feel something.

I call myself,
The Melancholy Child.

I find myself
indulging with tangible objects
- Books,
Movies,
Food,
Music -
because intangible objects like
- Love,
Trust,
Belonging,
Lust -
won’t ever touch me
the way these
tangible objects do.

In the midst of it
You were there
Lingering around the shadows
Watching them prey on me
Waiting for the oppotune time
To devour them
Damaged beyond repair
You healed, elevated and cherished me
Restored my pride
And gave me a sense of belonging