.
i cut my hair instead of myself
i refuse to go back to that

Many a people hand out
Flowers as Bandaids
Mistakes made, Lying sick
A bouquet is thrown in the mix

I wish I could hand out flowers
But I know that would be strange
Sunflowers to the girl I once loved
To show her life has meaning
Lillies to my stressed out mom
Who deals with the mess that is me
Daffodils to the boy I'm with
An apology for the stress I give

Flawless white roses for my son
An early apology
For the endless mistakes I am sure to make

I've been scratched and pinched and bruised
but none of those things came from you.

With you, I hang up the phone
like I’m taking a bandaid off --
swiftly and quickly.
They say that way,
there's much less pain.
Which is strange, because
I'm still able to feel some pain,
even if I pound on the "end call"
button to make not talking to you
less painful.

I collect so many beer bottle caps tonight, I decide to make you a necklace
Reminding you constantly how I am reckless
I string them together with my teeth so rotten
Hoping if you wear it, I won't be forgotten

But one measly necklace just simply won't do
I need something more impressive to give you
So I collect all the cigarette butts from my night
And make you a bracelet to make you look right

I'll make you a suit out of my used bandaids
I hope you like stuff that is all handmade

Dear heart
Of him you are
But in you I see
How you have many scars
Of times when you were opened to wide
Opened to fast
Opened with an invisible knife
Which was then ripped out
To leave a mark forever.
So many scars and stitches
And bandaids and bruises
And so many broken pieces put back in.

And I am so sorry.

Dear heart
You beat in the both of us
For the first time there is this new feeling
Something so foreign and different.
We don't understand
And we don't know how.
We open up to early like normal
But this time it seems different.
That's what they say everytime
But this time its the truth.
Something is so different.
I am careful of his wounds
I clean his scars
I take out his stitches.
I put on every single bandaid
And am careful not to rip them off.
I forgot hearts could handle so much.

And I am so sorry.

My dear heart.
I took so much time caring for his heart
That I forgot that you need to be cared for
And that you too have unhealed scars
And you too have bruises.
I took so much time healing his heart
And forgot to heal you
That when his heart was beating normal
It beat so loud to try and find its echo
In the chambers of another heart
But you my dear heart forgot to beat loud enough
And so he didn't hear you
And went to another beat.
And you were left with another wound
And no one to sew it up.

And I am so sorry.