I rather have the world hate me
Because I am fat
Those horrid few extra pounds
That are not in my head

I rather want them to see me as a monster
With the body of an elephant
With the claws of a lobster
And with the head of a pelican

Than a person with Autism

I rather have the world hate me
Because I am a witch
A disgusting heathen
Who befriends spirits

I rather want them to see me as a heretic
Who dyes their hair with unholy colors
Who's style is alternative
Who's had multiple lovers

Than a person with Autism

I wish I was normal
Because I'd rather be all that above
Than an autistic individual
That no one loves

AAAAAAAAA
I type
To my friend
I'm happy

AAAAAAAAA
I yell
At my screen
I'm angry

AAAAAAAAA
I think
In my head
I'm going crazy

One letter
With so many meanings
How am I supposed to differentiate?
I'm sad

I can't tell
If people are serious
I can't tell
If people are mad

I can't tell
If we are enemies
I can't tell
If we are friends

It's black
It's white
But never grey

It's one
Or the other
But never the same

AAAAAAAAA

I got a little break
From standing all the time
But I got no break
From the sounds and lights

One time I had to unplug the fountain
So I would finally have silence
But the cats had no water
So I went back to trying

A little break is all I need
To get back on my feet
Because the world is louder than you think
And for me that noise never shrinks

Sometimes I hate this
This thing that I'm born with
It causes so many unnecessary fights
It causes so many stupid problems

I can't go to a regular school
I can't have a regular job
The moment I say the word autism
I've already had enough

I don't know what the positive sides are
Of something that makes me so different
I only know the negative parts
Because that's the part that makes me conflicted

Why would I love something that has ruined my chance for a normal life?
How could I accept something that refuses my acceptance?
All they tell me is you need help
you need help, you need help, you need help

And I get help
The people who help have helped
But even though I can function better
No one can take away this internal anger

I feel inadequate, I feel dumb
I feel sad, I feel numb
I can't speak of my emotions
although I got feelings all the time
I wish there was a potion
that made it possible for me to speak about it in an other way than rhyme

I wish I could say what was really on my mind
I wish I could say how my autism makes me want to die
I wish I could say I love myself in any shape or form
I wish I could say that I can conform to the norm

But I can't
so I play league
And then I get mad
When they say "autistic screech"

Because it's so hilarious
Living with this everyday
Because it's so hilarious
That this will never ******* change