do you know how hard it is
to have a million thoughts in your head
but no words to speak?

to be screaming “help me”
but no one can hear you?

to be smiling
but having tears drip from your eyes,
betraying your true feelings

to respond to someone in your head
only to realize you never really replied

they call you quiet
but they don’t know how loud you really are

Sometimes I hope that someone might notice my difference,
Might intuit that the first approach,
The handshake, the "Can I join you?"
Is simply more difficult
And make the first move.
Sometimes I hope that people will realize the hand motions,
Foot tapping, slight rock of the body or toes
Are not merely a restless fidget,
Not impatience, nor disrespect.
Sometimes I want to be invisible,
Normal,
Neurotypical,
To be just another human being,
But mostly I wish to be accepted,
Autistic, quirky, kind, creative,
ME.

Acceptance, not awareness
Red, not blue
Infinity, not a puzzle piece
An autistic person, not a person with autism

A cue
I missed
A clue
I never gave you

Literate
In literature readings, yes,
Literate
In social readings, no,

I misunderstood
I was not rude
You misunderstood
I try not to be rude

I am sorry
I am so sorry
I try not to cry
But your words hurt

...I shouldn't be sorry
This is who I am
A strangely wired brain
Please understand better next time
I swear I will try better next time