Today at a library I spoke to Jim. Such a pleasant 82year old gentleman born on the Isle of Man. As I got to know him a bit more, I found out that he hasn't spoken to a single person in 3weeks! He did mention saying hi or hello to people you normally greet, but nobody wanted to take it from there and spend the time of their day just talking. We spent chatting roughly 20 minutes and every now and then he would almost feel uncomfortable having me around, asking if he wasn't "wasting" my time.
It saddens and angers me, that at an age where everyone feels so connected, we have grown so detached and so distant from each other, even from ourselves. Even our own friends, our own parents and relatives, let alone strangers. We avoid being vulnerable with each other. We project what we think would gather more likes or more acceptance from the society. But by doing so, we are undoing the very basic of the basics. Connection. We are ashamed and embarrassed to project vulnerability.
It all starts with a simple hello. Outside.

I've had enough people to last a lifetime

When I try to be social
I miserably fail
I act like a butterfly
But all to no avail
So then I decided
To just hate them instead
Cause people don't give a ****
Unless you're pretty or dead
Now this pretty butterfly
Was really just a worm
Who learned the hard way
Of picking rose with its torn
Now she's digging into the Earth
Getting ready for her slumber
And if one day she succeed
She might just sleep forever


© Leigh Herondale  *September 2015

Picture an anti-social pessimist
who fears her own existence
should probably get a therapist
but that's just not in her element.
always has a Nemesis
She wants to be affectionate
but she feels unwanted;
desolate.

Lights off,
doors locked,
windows shut,
blocked off.
No sound,
no sight,
no love,
no light.
Sparks fly,
don't ignite,
separation,
blank life.
Years gone,
love lost,
never hurt,
at what cost?

I am a wall flower all on my own
I am much stronger when I am alone
Pity me not, for I am at peace
Alone in serenity I am at ease

It's like
the people of the world
are strangers to each other.
Pass by and you'll find
no wave, no smile, no hello.

They've got their hands full.
With their phones and their antisocial,
with their earphones that clog their ears,
blocking them from the world.
Just the way they like it.
With their makeup,
covering everything about them.
Even their smile,
even their eyes that once connected,
even their face they no longer want seen.

They got no time for others.
They spend all their days with their robots.
They got no time for interaction,
unless it's the kind with the Internet.

It's like
every stranger in this world
forgot how to be social,
how to be friendly,
how to be kind,
how to be human.

It’s as if I’m stuck inside a shell I can’t see out of.
I’ve never been able to even try to tear my way out because that is too much.
I dream of all these things inside,
But on the outside I can’t get there.
I know it’ll always be hard work and I’ll just have to try,
But I can’t force myself to be confident and have nothing at all to say.
I can imagine as many situations as I like,
Plan out some different possible future jobs.
Only I’ll never be able to get there,
Because I **** at social skills.
Right now I’m trying to figure out what to do,
Right now I can’t find any solution.
I’ll get there because I have to,
However I really don’t know how to escape from this zone of comfort.
It’s something that I don’t seem capable to fight.