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lib Sep 2020
skipping rocks and skipping meals
magazines are teaching her to eat less, no matter how she feels

models on instagram, tiktok, youtube, and twitter
setting unrealistic expectations with their photoshop and glitter

in size two jeans, hoping to squeeze into ones
it looks like she's living the dream, but in reality, it's not a good one

1000 calories or less, isn't it nice?
she's living in an eating disorder nightmare disguised as paradise

she's losing weight, but not feeling as though she's won
she doesn't want this anymore, when will this be done?

she's dropping pounds, but feeling so shattered
compliments left and right, but it's hard to feel flattered

she's eating nothing at lunch until she's too light to function
the cafeteria starts to feel like a dungeon

feeling sick when she eats "too much"
kneeling in the bathroom using the toilet as a crutch

and then she overcompensates with exercise
when will the people around her start to hear her cries?

things are out of control, it's becoming too much for her to handle
her world feels as though it's starting to dismantle

her mental & physical health is deteriorating as she loses the weight
when will they see what it's doing to her? hopefully before it's too late
this poem is about a young girl affected by eating disorders and missing out on some of her childhood because of the havoc that these problems have wrought within her life. it's also about the negative influence that social media and magazines can have on people of all ages, but especially on impressionable kids and teens.
T Mar 2019
In a mess I created,
Drowning,
Cannot get out,
Breath bated.
Petrichor Sep 2020
Bones piercing through bloodless skin
Bluish vessels winding their way....fueling my body
With what?
How to draw hope from the vacuum of my stomach?
But this is just the surface fire
Beyond are burning debris,
Coal black ashes lining the path to my broken soul
Victoria Aug 2020
I hop over her toes like rocks in the river
keeping me steady and dry
I tiptoe over her shin like a fallen tree
connecting a crack in the valley
I stride up her thigh, like climbing a sand dune
I stare up at the face I'm so desperately trying to reach
Exhausted I fall asleep in the crook of her hip bone
preparing for the rest of the ascend
I wake to climb her ribs like rungs on a ladder
and scramble up to her collarbone seat
I sit there a moment and look at the body
I'd just explored on feet.
I stand on her shoulder
and walk up to her ear
start planting thoughts in her mind
soon enough this giant will faint
and become my collapsed playground

Though she is so tall
and I am so small
not many can fight my words

Look at her

She's already put the fork down
Bedroom’s painted fisherman’s blue

There’s a cut out of Hayden Panettiere naked in a pink bikini with a hula-hoop on the back of the door

Copies of British Vogue desperately hidden underneath the bed accompanying an empty bottle of Glen’s

Manchester United duvet cover and matching pillows to boot

The bin’s filled with pre-packed home-made lunches from the last six months

Wardrobes a collection of ill fitting blue jeans bought for me by grandmother and football jerseys for teams that I’ve never even heard of, yet let alone see play a single game

Uniform ironed and sitting out ready for school on Monday at 8am sharp

***** clothes cover mostly all the floor smelling of Lynx’s finest even though there’s an empty laundry basket just waiting in the corner to be used

Inside one of the woolen blazer’s (that is way too big for me) pockets a single unopened ****** and an AES 256-bit encrypted USB stick

An old PlayStation 2, with a single controller; games including FIFA years through 2004 to now, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell, and GTA.

Blood red shoplifted lipstick that’s now melted hidden in the little secret compartment at the back, meant for network expansion.

Artemis Fowl, Alex Rider, and Harry Potter all adorn the bookcase

Physics, Maths, and IT textbooks remain firmly closed on the desk in addition to a smashed phone from me and Daddy’s last “physical altercation”

Lady Gaga’s “I Like it Rough” is playing in the background on repeat…
Nola Leech Aug 2020
When I was 130 pounds
I was always jealous of my 90-pound mother
One day I told her I wished she was fat too
Instead of telling me I wasn’t
She said “that’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me”
my mom didn't have an eating disorder, she has always been naturally skinny her whole life, she is 96 pounds I believe
Nola Leech Aug 2020
Apple cider vinegar boosts your metabolism and reduces hunger
I didn’t realize I had an appetite anymore
The feeling of food makes you sick when you can only imagine it coming back up
Spilling word ***** onto nice freshly cleaned carpets
Teeth stained, hospital gowns
I Need some mouthwash
If nobody knows about the problem that means it doesn’t exist right?
If no one can see your face, hallowed then you don’t take up space right?
Wrong, “you’re too fat, you’re too fat” You scream into the mirror
Haunching over the toilet, trying, crying to stand back up but no words come out and your legs won’t move for help
My illness is hard not to hate somedays when your throat is sore from five times of binging and purging today
Six rounds each
Maybe more if you can stomach it
Your nose will smell it and you’ll gag up more
Your mind  is the worst weapon you can use against yourself
Counting every calorie as a new way to punish yourself for existing
You’re so afraid of taking up space that you will resort to slicing your belly in half in order to achieve inner peace
Baby, it doesn’t work that way
Listen I know that somedays you look to see your pretty skinny friends
And you feel bad about your body and how one of your thighs could barely fit through the head of her skintight t-shirt
But I have been there, I have seen **** you couldn’t even imagine
Girls who want to become bulimic or anorexic, get ready for your teeth to wear down and chip from the acid from below your belly
Rumbling with the force of regret, the food you just ate but didn't want the weight
Get ready for the hole in your throat right next to your tongue down your esophagus
That burned its way coming up as it did down
Get ready to see your mom or your dad walk in to see you on your knees praying to the gods above as below anything over the throne,
Get ready for the disappointment, the extra eyes, get ready for the tears the fears
Why can’t you just eat? The rehab, The relapse
Get ready for hating your body, lack of control
The spiral
Get ready because ana and mia don’t give a **** if you were happy before
Because  they just want to be skinny
Vale Luna Aug 2020
There is a dead girl in the mirror
She breathes rapidly,
Her heartbeat vibrates her body,
Palpitating whenever she stands
Skin stretches thinly over her ribs
        darkens under her eyes
        turns grey on her legs

She scowls at the pinch of fat on her belly
Preferring to be scolded,
But knowing it will only leave her more
    shortwinded - lightheaded

She understands she is dead,
Counting the months before her collapse
Only hoping to see herself become a skeleton
Before they put her in the ground.
Anorexia ***** fyi.
thomezzz Aug 2020
I gave food the power in my life
and watch it completely destroy me.

“Does it pick me apart piece by piece?
Or does it eat me
in perfectly portioned bits?
Does it scarf me down?
Or does it daintily
pluck at me with lush lips?
Does it stay awake at night?
Or does it just
eat me completely carefree?”

I wonder why I gave it all this thought
and why I let it turn into such an assault.
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