I've laid on my back
And taken you willingly,

Because I thought I was powerless...

And you thought you were powerful.

But if you look closely,
You'll find we're the same.

Just two sides of a coin...

Who can't see each other's face.
And don't know each other's name.

The fear
The terror
The nightmares
Every night
Always the same
I'm afraid
I'm so afraid
And I don't know why
I have no bad history
No reason to be afraid
And yet I am
So very afraid

You were once my sunshine
Shines through my face
Hiding all those disgrace
With your innocent looking face

You think I'm a joke
Maybe I was always a game to you
Don't be sad when I disappear
Acting like you didn't know
You're the reason I'm feeling this way
Extra pain
Time to break away
From your enchanting spell
Why do you put me through all this hell
Yeah you're hurting but you're not the only one
I'm choking up
Holding back the words I hate you
I won't do to you what you did to me
I won't degrade you
If you get stabbed in the back
You're not supposed to pull the weapon out
But I have to let this thing die
You cause me physical and mental pain
Verbally, with your mouth
And I want out
So I pulled out the dagger
Don't cry now
I gave you a chance
And you pranced all over it
Because to you I'm nothing
You never loved me
So goodbye
I'm staggering back
But I've made up my mind
Why is this so hard for me?

he really is mean, you know
really, truly mean
and i know
yes, i know
so why do you keep sleeping in his bed?
it makes no difference
and you, you know this
you are not a person
you are hardly a body
he is so mean
and you fall asleep crying
(you've been crying every day)
but i, i love him, you know
and yet tell me this -
is this love you harbor
worth all of this ache?
this ache you can't escape
you know how to though
but you wait
you wait and wait
purely in vain
but i love him
and he loves me
but he is so, so mean

it's 23:53 and if i were to swear that this would be the last poem i write about you

i'd be lying

pain is a far more sustainable fuel than happiness;
it keeps the poet's engine whirring

and darling

all you've ever done is hurt me

00:01
i spent six minutes contemplating how much damage you caused,
the way you ran me off the road, swerving down dark paths i'd never known existed before

i didn't receive compensation for the emotional whiplash you left me with

the words "i love you" make my nerves twinge

wanted you to see
your detrimental effects
wanted you to experience
the ways in which you were hurting me
wanted you to say, 'i'm sorry'
and mean it
wanted you to see
everything
that destroyed me

i think you traumatized me black and blue
black and blue
black and blue
all of the bruises
they are free from my skin
but not from my head
you traumatized me
black and blue
black and blue