in your backyard, a summer evening, daylight dropping low behind clouds and trees on the horizon, and light from the kitchen window illuminating a slanted square of freshly cut lawn. you and i, we drew as far back from your house with your parents and the rest of the world as we could, hidden in the far corners where we couldn’t be seen, leaning against the fence and smoking cigarettes amongst your mum’s rosebushes. this is where we liked it. this is where we filled fancy glasses and sipped stolen champagne - or you sipped and i quietly poured most of it into the garden, wondering how much wine it would take before it started killing the plants - and contemplated what we’d do with the rest of our days.
i had some ideas, and they all included you.

i emptied myself of tears, ran my veins dry of blood, and etched mindless scribbles into my head in an ink so dark that your face disappeared. i reached out to touch you in the black but you were never in reach, separated by borders both invisible and tangible. wanting your lips on mine, i murmured, stay with me, and wondered why you wouldn't.
only after did i notice the horror on your face; the bruises in the shapes of my palms on your chest, the shadow of my fingers lacing a cage over your heart; the words i'd carved into my own skin, an endless taunt begging you to go away, but it wasn't you who i wanted to leave, it was the monster inside of me.

the night he told me he loved me, he held me in his arms and said, "are you crying?" as he surrounded my shaky body, and i told him, "no, i just really do ******* love you, too."

Pin me down and tear me apart.
Don't worry, I'm not a piece of art.
I'm begging you to be mine,
Even if it means I'd have to be dying.
I have to belong or living's no good
Without your eyes telling me the truth.
Lie to me and tell me it's fine,
That in the end, you'll still be mine.

There was a girl.
And this girl wore her heart on her sleeve
Everyone saw this and everyone cared.

There was a guy.
And this guy wore his scars on his skin
Everyone saw this but no one cared.

Why would they?
She was beautiful, had a voice that made waking up worth while
He was beautiful too but you couldn't see that through his denials

The girl finally noticed the guy.
He was the only one who never said hi

She asked why he never cared
He answered "I'm sorry your majesty"

This went back and forth for a couple weeks
Until one day he didn't come to school

There was a guy.
And this guy hung a crown around his neck
No one saw this but everyone cared

The girl finally noticed the guy.
He was the only one who never said bye

''We should not speak
In turns.'', she said.
''Kiss me.''*

© 2014 J.S.P.

My words are empty.
They are once filled...
...within me.*

© 2014 J.S.P.

True love
Is a wanderer
Who refuses
To go back.

© 2014 J.S.P.