the bed
draped, my
eyes
a glaze
the scene

teeth at my lip
a blink
maybe
laughter
tease you are
why not?

at my ear,
buttercup, pray now
won't be god's name you call to later

pain is
my heart pounding
my mouth dry
my tears hot and sticky

pain is
loss
poverty
loneliness

pain is
questioning
not knowing
hiding

pain is
any empty bed
an empty home
an empty heart

pain is
silence
your voice
my own

pain is
eating meals in silence
being overlooked
trusting the wrong people

pain is
missing someone i've never had
missing a woman i once was

pain is being broken
pain is peppered through days in small doses
pain is breathing fire into a closed tin can that fits in your pocket

yankee scribe
lunchtime, fitted sheets
sometimes the mask drops

let's be passion,
i exalt

yes, please
i would
i want to

spongy memory
prospecting

listen
long ago
slipstream

please
draw it shut

faded
bold
transcendent

and i rose
again
to work
thursday
and i'm tired
days
pouring
together
you, my friend
pained
worried
alone
no nurse here
comfort
hands
heart
play that song
listen
read
know
i am here
living
breathing
longing
leave that place
come
stay
live
i said it
sorry
open
disclosed
and i hope
silly
i
know
you are shocked
see
clearly
now
not the first
tremble
bow
kiss
and i hide

i become
a monster
enraged
projecting
reminded

my pain
an axe
guts
heart
soul

you laugh
silly girl
never
always
only

i smile
i know
same
pain
between

but still
i shrink
shying
hiding
plummeting

dear girl
you ask
who
when
never

and tears
fearful always
alert
guarded
wise

don't woman
it hurts
seeing
feeling
knowing

it's noise
it's static
eyes
heart
hand

i smile
he is
only
mine
ever

that night
remember
i'd dug a hole
sick, the sand cold and wet

you ****** me
the room spinning madly
my eyes silenced
& my mouth pained

your need outweighing my own
you are spent and my urge to die, passing
silenced, your heart betraying even there
beachside villa

an ode
i pray
at this break
of day

**** me
i ask
chaste
but vast

no need
to jolt
it will be
a fine revolt

family ties
stripped away
but only by
the break of day

morrow comes
hollow does
tricky look
sign the book

the heaviest part
the day so long ahead
again, i think, alone
and they laugh
silly, be okay with it
and i've been

eyes open
an empty bed
it seems
i know me
i've found me
i learned me

not enough
ghosts shout
that door still waits
undiscovered
be you, just be you
silence

but why?
i've broken
my body has forgotten
touch
smell
taste

morning shouts
rays golden
preparing
greeting the day
knowing
shine girl, just shine

woke early, too early
and thought of your power
its back, i hope
cool still, but the disconnect

funny, last night
youth, innocence, ignorance
craft beer about
and you

that war i spoke
it was all blood and death
and they smiled
i wanted you to know

today is busy
art has eaten me up
seder last night
and here i am, the catholic

my black soul, drinking
syrup it tastes
and i can't, i'd rather not
i'm lost

the table huge
and they put me at the end
i try to hide
but they see it, that **** light

it's a draw you know
transparent, though i shield it
sunglasses and bare face
and still, it persists

i'm laughing
my bare soul pressed
and these eyes
whose are they?

always tool long
i go, it's frustrating
i know
i'm sorry

******, again, the apologies
you do it, we laugh
yours is different
and my foot that morning

hearing the restraint
your voice, and i hate myself
i see your eyes, turn down
feedback masked as criticism

i'll try, you must too
it's a minefield
i've not the supplies
alone

buttercup,
he said

i'm back
and hungry,
drank too much ***
and want to talk art

laugh, of course, i do
i miss you
i want you to come here
i want us to laugh

please, let's write together
our dreams, they won't wait

i will, in time
summer is near
we'll eat fish and swim
the universe feeding us

but now, please
it's growing
i'm weak

call me a goy, i'll laugh
while that heart-shaped
crescent moon presses
my collarbone, tender
your beard rough

soon, we've waited centuries
already
time just circumstance

of course, but promise
no tricks
we'll not burn it
there won't be matches

dreams, they sit
peaking through open lids-eyes watching
sealed in a long pouch
an empty dream rests
black ink shines upon
its contents
unread and unearthed
silence compounds the
air between, kisses
never tasted, from
mouths never wasted
they walk past daily
fingers touching, eyes
purposefully avoiding
**** tear, it's there
she waits, collects dust
and creates for
an empty pouch
that keeps a dream

demanding
my time, yet an hour short
how?
i can't be plummeting these depths
swimming
viscous drive-by, shouting
empty

i throw my head back in laughter
daisy petals and rose thorns falling from it
she's powerful, they warn
and again, a mountain stream wanders by

i am none of these silly things you speak
my eyes ancient as the marble you eat upon
my tongue, a knife through your prize
a velvety spill of rich soil across my brow

long ago, before the sunrises and sunsets were captured
when the earth was young;
i was old.
lifetimes passed
and i grew restless, seeking new life-
a young woman upon my return
high cheekbones and piercing eyes
memories of the past, dreams really,
unreal happenings.
mornings marked by evangelical sunrises
nights of soulful exorcism-
and i breathed.
time rewound and i was a child;
my insides marked by colors and shapes
i emerged, this time in a magical fashion
lines disappearing, and in their place
bows and ribbons-
freedom-
rebirth.