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Stefania S Jun 2018
the way it percolates

driving us mad

bringing tears to our eyes

often heavy and sad

my neighbor claims karma

an act of simple fate

laughing i drove off

his words unaware of my morning escapades

an affair with a man

married in state

his wife wears a crown

of the knight that she made

his heart, may be heavy

his head overwhelmed

his pain numb inside 

mine a throbbing shell

under the dripping trees 

of the Old North State

our lips met


our bodies sought fate

tangled were our limbs

no judgment we laid

onlookers know not

their ignorance in spades

my jealousy gripping

like the pulse and the pain

our tongues lapping up

what others disdain

hands clenched together

a night full of waves

guilty some may cry

but please save your rage

i have no time for your misdirected pain

we work and wonder

our daybreaks heavy and claimed

years have gone by

what have we paid

mountains don't move

not like thrashing seas

nor do carolina skies

or the heavy florida heat

where will we be when the clock strikes time

beneath a hammock of oak

or a splintering of vines

tobacco barns in sight

the owl's swift decline

curving roads leading

rabbits fly by

empty nest for one

the other full and spry

moments of sanity

spared by lucidity

medication blurred thoughts

windows to the world

veins pumping heavy

words turned to swords

heal we must

but how do we know

if this is the pain of the stay or the pain of the go

anonymity for one, me, i don't care

i have no shame for my truth

no guilt left to spare

my journey, long, spirited and cold

my hands pumping blood

meant to eventually go
Stefania S Apr 2018

today, what about today?


tomorrow, drenched in heartbreak or sorrow?


tonight, my phone rings softly and i see the light.

sowing in the earth resists

grinding rocks

bloodied fists

who knows how many hearts have tried

narrow fields stitched with pride

rage or passion

seeds do grow

setting out across the snow

winter passed, spring anew

i wander alone

so do you

we greet and hold

hands so tight

lovers by morning

starry-eyed nights

echoes we recall

a summer it came

morning called

you whispered my name

deep and melodic

the back of your throat

inside of a capsule

we scribe

you drove

heavy weight

fibers of news

do you know how i write about you

i cringe and quake

missing the turn

your steering quicker than my ability to learn

damaged and broken

my rims are all bent

seedlings of hope

washed away and spent

flying from above

like a diving demand

your hand reaches out

it carries the sand

a tiny piece of earth

you watch from so high

my drowning demands

my inability to pry

barking i save

for the hollows of night

the moon a virginal witness

my massive plight

when will you set

when will we grow

seedlings we scattered

so long ago

some days there is green

if i glimpse in the light

the turn of your hand

from softness to right

empty shells some

no blooms they will deliver

but nothing is certain

not in the cold winter

my body the forest

my heart the sky

your love the earth

through my simple mind’s eye

wind me up

set me down

please just don’t let these seeds die in the ground
Stefania S Apr 2018
the line between the conscious and unconscious self; how easily i eek by and walk it like a tightrope, a never-ending circus act that defies the laws of physics and psychology all in one. studied and rendered, the darkness is forever intrusive and limits the layers of light as they fight for ownership, my spirit and soul far too heavy for a world gone mad with the weight of ego.

insecurity, maybe an aimless plight, its acknowledgment hardly anything new but still just as disarming. i watch myself cross the room, moving in direct proportion to the molecules that fill the space and i wonder how much of it i consume, where exactly do i begin and end. how much more can i become without becoming nothing?

laughter, a gift; an art form; a defense mechanism, merely a guise to hide what falls below and leaves empty space between. i don’t make others laugh, though i wish i did, could, knew how. instead what i do is force them to think, to draw back, to discern. myself a mere vehicle, never the driver, though often wishing for the opportunity to direct.

love is in there too, it brews like tea leaves, ghostly images fallen to the bottom of the cup. no one knows how to read them really, not even me. i am forever in the processing, the guiding, the questioning, the limitless bounty of loss that has plagued this span of existence. i know how to love, but like the winter, my snow suffocates the seeds and forces them into hibernation.

a girl without a garden, not one she knows how to tend alone anymore. my back more ache than muscle. my ego, an ant crawling up the side of a mountain. hubris once the feared fall no longer in the picture. think, think, think. too much though. always too much.
Stefania S Apr 2018
inside of my mind

where no one else goes

darkened and shady

brilliantly posed

flowers run wild

while fears plant their seeds

i quietly sit

spaced out and relieved

empty voices speak

notes too high to hear

other times louder

than a scream to the ear

windows glow yellow

the moon sometimes too

mostly alone, unless i think of you

i’m walking down roads

alone and afraid

an empty hand

a shovel-less *****

toxic is the blood

that feeds off my thoughts

memories and wishes

destroyed and distraught

a kiss far too much

an embrace miles away

waking and sleeping

night turns to day

victimless mind

how quickly you fall

under the spell

cast by the call
Stefania S Apr 2018
follow right

down the way

soft and lush

gardens lay

tender day

borrowed brush

the feeling of hunger

the feeling of love

my steps so silent

coy and light

wandering whispers

trees at night

golden glow

sun’s silky glove

chirps like gossip

high in the trees

me on the ground

heart skinned like knees

pain sufficient

tender touch

carpeted forest floor

where we rush

underfoot, i surely run

catching up

the rays of the sun

but who does wait

beyond the trees

trampled paths

fallen leaves

find my step

stay in line

don’t wander from the path

gilded lies

rings of age

too many to count

your heart swollen

down to pounce

wake me when it’s safe to leave

my footsteps behind

amongst the trees
Stefania S Apr 2018
maybe you won’t like

what i have to say

maybe it’ll only

serve to scatter the remains

maybe you’ll shun me

violently turning away

truth and honesty

not always easy prey

a manufactured truth

tucked away

honesty spoken by my heart

every day

dawns full of words

nights often grey

being mindful

respectful, far away

but love doesn’t care

distance no moat

what road did you wander

not the one that we wrote

simplicity in terms

vulgarity despised

my heart the gauntlet

trapped behind lies

someday’s are forever

never to appear

time melted long ago

your purpose its peer

what have you


what have you to give

where are the makings

the markings

the sieve

filtered out

safe enough to breathe

air open, closed lungs

dead leaves

winters passed, summers too

spring always the death

of me and you

we fight and we flounder

the blooms everywhere

except for our hearts

our heads

our chairs

i’ll sit and wait

i’ll saddle up for the ride

simplest of terms

no one can describe

barbaric torture

namely my own

fits of weakness

life turned to bone

find me i demand

hold me near

end what you suffer

embrace what you fear

scattered blossoms

crepes turned to white

willows that weep

far off and out of sight

fold up the papers

toss them about

let go of the plundering

give up on the doubt

once in a while

we are given the chance

the honesty of love

the long forgotten dance

so wrap me up tight

or silently let me go

without justification

i’d rather be snow
Stefania S Feb 2018
come home to me
leave the past behind
all of those pains and scars
you keep them breathing
and alive
feeding them
filet and lobster
with that they'll never tire
who could
the ground spins in retrospect
and nothing moves quite as it should
the tree limbs shake and crumble
the weight unbearable even under the owl's watchful eye
broken and lying on a bed of leaves
walking the night
moon high
us too
tears fall hard and we shout
louder you say
but i've no voice left
my shouts died with my last hanging
hands once soft and loving
now placed around my own throat
strangling out the silence
muting my words
my work, unfiltered
but only on walls that won't see the daylight
scars stitched haphazardly
opened up, projected
violent rage of reason
i am not the driver, nor the guidance system
my direction a vague notion upon a nautical spread
while you loop
tires spinning on dusty roads
the valley calls
but the signal always fails
silence the end note to my questioning
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