Aching in the ocean of loneliness.
Does anyone truly understand?
Being stuck in time on a loop
in a sea of people, feeling
even more lonely in their presence.
How in the world on this planet earth
of billions, how do I feel so alone?
I long for an understanding look,
an embrace of friendship.I read and watch
stories unfold of a hand of friendship
always extended standing by their side through
all the bruises,pain, and tears,yet
their faithfulness is tested and they are
always there for their friends.
King Solomon wrote the proverb that
there is a friend who is closer than a brother...
I long for that closeness.
I long to celebrate true love in friendship,
where you walk together through hardship
and you see two set of foot prints walking
together in the sand.
I look to the Heavens to please answer my cry.
I need a true friend.

for a moment i couldn’t remember your last name.
for a moment it started with a different letter,
was spoken in a different tongue.
for a moment i had forgotten it — that is, if i ever knew it at all.

you used to be so clear to me.
you were, at a time, tangible —
so much more than a memory.
i loved you then and i could say that i love you now but
you cannot love a memory.
not in the same way, no.
you cannot talk to a memory,
nor laugh with a memory,
nor live with a memory.

and so i keep you
frozen in time,
a fragment of the past.

like ashes in an urn i put you on the shelf,
never to be disturbed,
only to be put on display.
i thought you’d be safe there.
i thought that the ashes in an urn don’t disappear because
what more can ash crumble down to?

but today,
for just a moment,
i couldn’t remember your last name.
today,
for just a moment,
you slipped away.

and now i wonder if i ever had you at all.

(a.m.)

I was thinking love,
You were thinking leaving.
You were moving on
And I was still believing.

Life is ever changing
No matter how it starts;
Some of it is wonderful,
Some can break our hearts.
We start out like a storybook
Two souls that meld as one
Everything we choose to do
Becomes our special fun.

Going out and staying in
Are legendary loving things.
Today it’s easy to ignore
Tomorrow waiting in the wings.
So, I paid very little mind to
That you chose not to talk
And never quite got around to
Holding hands when we walk.

I was thinking love,
You were thinking leaving.
You were moving on
And I was still believing.

At first even in wintertime
My heart was warm as toast.
Sitting by the fireside snuggled
That was what liked most.
I was storing up memories
Of every single loving day.
You were figuring how you could
Quickly go your own way.

I was thinking love,
You were thinking leaving.
You were moving on
And I was still believing.

The feeling of riding shotgun in your car isn't a memorable feeling.
Less than
Stopping at all the shops we used to visit again, once hand in hand now three feet apart.
Watching the moon set over the mountains at seven in the morning, with a broken bone, a broken heart, and a cigarette lit between my numb fingers.
If past lovers are lessons, I learned yours the hardest.
Your brown eyed girl now has a fire in her eyes.
I will use it to keep him warm.

In a cloud of smoke you mask
At the bottom of a bottle she masks

If you are not recovering you are dying
A phrase I have taken to heart
Tattooed on every bone of this skeleton inside of me
Despite its harshness, it's beyond true
If you are not recovering you are dying
Naturally, it didn’t offend me until I learned it was supposed to
I often sit and think of you for hours on hours
Wasting my time, as most people do on thinking of those they love who do not love them in return
It is the bittersweet past time of humans
Coffee shops are stained with more than coffee stains
I wonder how many chairs I've sat in that held someone else broken off of the ground
I wonder how many salt water lakes I have walked over when approaching the barista
My coffee burns my tongue
But no other feeling lingers worse on my mouth than the feeling of your lips
I have taken understanding that love does not mind giving scars
Remorse was never it's best attribute to conscience
We must know that in the midst of something wonderful chaos is making blueprints
Planning attack like a predator that has not eaten for days due to the winter
Nutrients to keep it alive have been hiding in trees and under snow
It is the middle of December and I ache for nothing more than your warmth
No amount of coats and sweaters can comfort me like your arms
Wrapped around me like a Christmas present
My coffee burns my tongue
But the flame of his words pressed against my skin
I do not love you anymore
Does not amount to the physical distress my body undergoes
My coffee burns my tongue
And I have not eaten because I am too full of a love
How strange it is to feel so empty but so unable to consume
Like a vase with no flowers
I am waiting for something beautiful to offer me meaning
And though waiting is not deemed to be the worst
The hands of my clock are leaving bruises on my wrist
My coffee burns my tongue
But in a few hours, it will heal
And I will taste cold coffee as the heater in my car warms my hands
If you are not recovering, you are dying
And at this point, I fear I will not see tomorrow
The dew on my window will not meet the ashes from my cigarette
Tomorrow I will not make it out of bed
Tomorrow I will not go downstairs and make coffee
It will not burn me
Cause I fear I will already have burned out

you are not allowed to call your sadness a drug,
it is not your ****** or your ******* or your **** it is
a bottle of painkillers that are prescribed to you,
it is an anchor that makes you drown
it is a lifeline made out of ribbon,
but it is not a drug you are not reliant on it to breathe
you know how to swim you do not need those
painkillers they are not yours you can survive you are
stronger than what you make yourself out to be
because you are not addicted to your sadness you are
bigger than this and it is okay to feel like your sadness is
a tsunami that swallows you whole it is okay to
drown into an abyss of darkness at night it is okay to forget
how to breathe it is okay to stumble and fall and relapse
a few times it is okay to break the mirror because you don't
like the reflection but it is not okay to turn the safety off,
it is not okay to run a knife over your skin because
the cool of the metal calms you down it is not okay to
practice a melody filled with screams and sobs as you try to
sink that is not okay please do not think it ever will be
and just because you are not a drug addict does not mean
you do not need rehab, therapy isn't always as bad as they make
it out to be in the books, do not be afraid of your voice you
will not be pulling a trigger if you speak he will never hurt
you again, i promise, just tell someone what's going on i know
someone will listen the word abuse was not meant to be
branded on your body you do not deserve to be this
unhappy you do not deserve to rid all your insides of any
substances trust me when i say you are beautiful, please know
that all storms will pass the color blue has many different shades
and if you are  a hurricane then know that you still have
an eye in you, do not give up never stop fighting yes you are
worth it and remember that everything will be okay,
because you are not your sadness

(h.l.)