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Lacey Clark Feb 2019
When I am fond of someone,
I've always hidden.
Locking eyes with someone I'm so curious about
just has this feeling that makes me want to hide.
I've always hidden.
Behind mom's leg,
behind my locker,
in the details of my lunch,
in my comforter,
in my headphones,
in my fantasies.
Lacey Clark Feb 2019
shame shares a tight border with shyness
both remind me of being a skittish mutt
Lacey Clark Feb 2019
I keep hearing that
in order to exist properly
amongst your peers
you need a strong sense of self.
I think that
the stains on my shirt
melancholic playlist in my ears
grumbling tummy
and agitation with self help websites
might be as good as it gets for my 20's.

and I'm tired of trying to be perfectly healthy all the time.
and I think capacity for constant self awareness is a privilege.
just want to exist and not worry about how I interact with people
Lacey Clark Feb 2019
Reverberations are the hard part. Navigating something that will inevitably flow through you as if you have any control. Think about it. Someone jumps in the pool you’re in, you have no choice but to let the waves and molecules orbit towards you.

It is what separation feels like. Reverberations of jumping into a pool. The waves lapping out until finally they blend in the whole again.
break ups and death
Lacey Clark Feb 2019
my cheeks light on fire often. like roses. roses on fire. warm summer winds.

when it happens I've tried to pinpoint it:

when i realize i am thinking about ***
when i sing the wrong note in choir
when i try on a form fitting outfit
when my friends are all laughing at once
when i see first dates happening
when i catch eyes with anyone
when i'm late
when the champagne lid pops off

whenever i step into the light it feels quite intense
Lacey Clark Nov 2018
I've lived somewhere between 40-50 homes.

The ones that stick out?

In Portland I rented a micro-studio. No individual unit kitchens: it was 'communal'. Bed came out the wall. Apt description: trendy, affluent, hipsters who want to live communally in theory, but eat out every day instead. Communal kitchen was empty. No one was ever home.

One house in Florida we had a pool and the neighborhood ice cream truck sold drugs. My neighbor took me to the mall sometimes.

In Wisconsin we lived above a bead shop that turned into a dress shop that rented out overpriced prom dresses to everyone. I watched middle-class flock to the shops beneath me. For being a town of 1,000 we had the coolest apartment because I could spy on the whole town and their frequent trips to the bakery.

In North Carolina we lived in a neighborhood called 'beverly hills' and the house was interesting, not very bourgeois as the neighborhood title suggested. I wanted to turn the basement into a gaming center for kids.

In Blank I lived in Blank, it was kind of Blank and I really liked the Blank. From this experience I learned Blank.
Lacey Clark Apr 2018
California ~
thank you for my birth
never did revisit you
except disneyland
_______
Washington~
thanks for being home
the body of a mountain
lungs like evergreens
_______
Oregon~
washington's tumor
your coastlines are far superb
please stay a secret
_______
Nevada~
my ****** noses
homeschooling and snowboarding
miss your tumbleweeds
_______
Ohio~
all I remember
three legged cat in forest
hillside four-wheeling
_______
North Carolina~
the blue ridge mountains,
guitar hero and hopscotch
made up for the snakes
_______
Florida~
fondest memories
most important, my first kiss
beach had a nice view
_______
Wisconsin~
how did I survive
must have been warmth from others
also my parka
_______
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