I think today,
I'll cash out on a box of cigarettes-
To burn my lungs away-
A little thing to make me forget.

It's too bad that you love me,
For I've gone astray,
Maybe you'll see me,
On some other sad day.

Gloomy as the weather was my heart,
Alone was the cry of my soul.

Winter comes and goes,
But still was the heart cold and alone.

Smile was the first thought,
But cry was the truth.

Filled with negative self talk,
Oh soul, why so depressed?!

Deep thoughts and big dreams with no action,
What’s the purpose of it all?!

Handsome boys and coffee talks,
Haven’t we heard this story before?!

Winters come and go,
But still is the heart cold and alone.

The gleaming moonshine on your hair,
fragmented star splitters in your eye,
your smile repainting supernova's glare
appoint you the ruler of my sky.

Her dark circles two
In her eyes where
I dove deep
Into
Those black pools
In the center
Of doe eyed
Green
Irises the white cream
Eyes
Attentive
My eyes they studied
Made circles took me
My aura in
Undressed me
Wanted lusted
Sighed her two lips
Parted
Red lush
Almost agony
Time seemed
Sighs became touches of arms
Legs brushing
Dances in
Dim light backlit
From a fire
A flame a
Warmth sound and pure
Nature animal sure
A rushing waterfall a sky of no limits
A mountains tall majesty
A prairie fair spread
Before us
A feast
Of targeted greed need wanton
Abandon together
Just us
And heaven
Envying

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.