have I become mundane?
are my “I love you’s” monotonous?
am I just a hopeless case?
I try to have an optimistic outlook
but as days pass, everything comes up empty
and I don’t know how the hell to do this
I’m making it up as I go and nothing works
and I pretend to know what I’m doing
but in reality I’m flying blinded

I knew the moment I saw you, that you were the love of my life
seeing the way you glow when you smile,
and how your eyes almost squeeze all the shut when you laugh,
makes my heart skip a beat.
you stole my breath away with the sound of your voice, a voice so calming and true.
you mesmerized me with your thoughts,
and I was captivated by everything you said.
you left me inquisitive, curious and yearning.
I could never help but be freed from my burdens and worries when I was next to you.
your warmth enveloped me like a kiss,
and I could never get enough of it.
I promised myself right then and there to love you.
I whispered gently, so gently that only I could hear,
that you were the love of my life.

there’s a strange haze that settles in my chest
between my ribs and deep in my heart
lies an enigmatic pile of debris
my finger can not pinpoint the culprit
I debate whether it’s shame shoved in a body
or a tainted memory from years past
all I know is it troubles me
leaves me suspecting the state of my confidence
from where does my dilemma stem?
maybe an action from the ***** of uncertainty
a cocktail of apprehension and regret
bottled up and serving two
no sense is made of the mixture
it leaves a bitter and sour taste on my tongue
and an aftertaste of humiliation

am i enough?

my greatest fear is your own mortality
the mere thought of your breath leaving this world
frightens me too much to fathom
I pace and yearn to know you’re safe and sound
abhorring the ease in which these burdens fill my space
an overwhelming longing for clarity occupies me
an my chest tightens with horror every passing second
an unexplainable terror making home in a bed of lies
it knows that I need you to sleep
I toss and turn, unable to stay still
until I know that you have your breath
the light fades to a dark distress, deep anxiety flooding me
anguish cradles me with lullabies of deceit
and all I can do is lay as my hands cover my ears
but external sounds blocked do not block whispers inside my mind
all I see is a collection of neurosis
my own inquietude steals my breath like a thief
I lie awake and shake with dread and trepidation
until finally I’m on my knees looking above me
“please, let him have his breath” I cry vanquished
“all I ask is you keep him shielded from all harm”
I hope that you still have breath
that you inhale, exhale a breathe of peace

I’ve no one to share
the joy that is in my heart
no one will listen

is silence stronger
than words that end up empty
or do you hear them?