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uselace Nov 12
does get easier,
it becomes
flowers on his grave
instead of sobbing
as it finally sinks in.
it's like training
for a marathon-
it ******* hurts,
at first.
but eventually
you'll be able to look back
and realize
the ache in your chest
has lessened
and you've come
so far.
everybody heals differently.
uselace Nov 2
it's been months since everything shut down
months since i had an excuse to dress up
and i've been aching for a reason to put on a suit-
but not this.
never like this.
because i have to relearn to tie my black tie,
over a black shirt
under watery eyes.
it's been months since i dressed up,
years since the last funeral.
goodbye, friend.
please know that you are loved, more than you could ever know. check in on your friends. i miss him.
uselace Oct 6
i'm tired
i'm so ******* tired.
i didn't ask for any of it-
not the scars, not the pills,
not the anxiety
or obsession
or disordered thoughts
i never wanted this.
because when you're thirteen
you don't think that within the next three years
you'll have four mental illnesses.
nobody ever predicts that they'll have a collection of cuts,
of failed recoveries
and subsequent relapses.
nobody wants to be a burden.
nobody wants to be trapped in their own mind
and i can't tell if it's depression,
or the eating disorder
but God, i'm exhausted.
i don't want to carry this anymore.
(i never did.)
you know it's bad when i'm writing poetry again ****
uselace May 5
i am still learning to love myself,
and this body
that has brought me through everything
(scars & all).
i am still picking up the pieces,
finding parts of myself
i thought were lost.
for the longest time,
i thought I wouldn't make it-
sometimes I still don't.
but I am still here.
still breathing,
as much as it may hurt.
i felt peaceful for the first time in months.
uselace Dec 2019
i give so much
of my love to the world
that there isn't quite
enough left
for myself.
uselace Dec 2019
i want to die.
i don't think
that i'm worth it
i know
it's not true.
i am a failure-
the voices in my head tell me
blades drop
and i listen
i love you,
people say
but do they?
the scars help,
i think
and as blood falls
i regret.
read it backwards.
uselace Nov 2019
the contrast
between skin
and blood
is like night and day,
if only night
was red
running down thighs
and day
was tarnished
and pale.
trust me, i would know
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