Your mom still calls me pretty
even though I pretend you don't exist.
I know I've loved you forever
built a house and a bed out of sticks
then burned it all down
like a candle to the wick.
Look at you with such admiration
and I start to feel sick.
Sealed by doom, in 2017
healed by your lips.
Seeking out a brand new lover -
it's you that I miss.
Made out of nerves like second hand china,
always shattered like this.

I hope you'll choose me
repair me, take me to your place
know this rejection is something
I must finally meet face to face.
Calling on your landline, late and weary
it's like screaming into space.
Drove around in a circle
because you always know what's right
with the windows down, I'm blinded
your smile so unbelievably white
and I wish I could stop feeling
like I'm such an ugly sight
maybe then you'd want me
and I'd have less to write.

Plaid apron on, don't stop to think.
I cooked all Thanksgiving just for them
dishes are now piled in the sink,
staring a bit too long at the carving knife.
With the countertops glistening with spillage
I'm wondering what I want from life
some sort of contentment, I cannot envisage.
My dad hates his job
my mother loathes her body
and I've learned everything I know from them
every loan and distracting hobby.
Imitation is the finest form of flattery,
I compulsively copy.

Candles flickering,
smells like pumpkin and clove
my sisters arguing in the living room
a *** boiling over on the stove,
it's scalding water seeps right into my mind.
I have no place here,
I hear the ticking time.
Turkey was fattened up all year
and now our dogs crunch on the bones
wonder what they are wishing for
are some things better left unknown?
Brown leaves are falling, with a final breath
they say it will be a hard winter
I'm not sure what is left.

I remember stories, told through grey smoke
recited slowly, under shadowed eyes
as the old, dry toad croaked,
in a rickety melody by my side.
Forgotten romancers would carve
hearts into the husk of pine.
One was told,
time after time:
Two lovers, a yellow scarf,
we are both the same, headless and blind.

Lose all sense when we meet up
I pray you'll rescue me
chase away my sorrow and bad luck.
Rain always seems to pour most
once I'm building my shelter
my poor face as pale as a ghost
and my urgency, burns like a summer swelter.
I need you like the river needs it's bending
to love you is natural,
a broken bone must go on mending.

So take your weathered hands
lead me to the forest
I cannot see, but I feel its stirring.
The finch and the blackbird, chattering chorus
brain dead trusting, so alluring.

Tonight
the moon flashes a cheshire grin.
I've been walking miles and miles
just to see where you have been.
I'm by your house, I'm at the old creek
places we used to love and we used to speak.
It's a reverie, it's an illusion
emotions from a fire that burns to expulsion.
Chasing away the demons and the regrets
you've crucified my frame
and I know you cannot forget.

To think,
I've been talking with you in dreams
I need to meet you again
and figure what they must mean.
Going to bed early
and losing so much sleep.
I'm dancing with you all night long,
come on, answer me.

The coyotes were killed off years ago
but they still howl the same
and sweet dew settles on green, green grass
soon as mourning doves call your name.
I've been ready for forever
but you still want to play games.

Your lips whispered a curse
and brushed against mine.
Soft, like sparrows' wings,
inebriating as wine.
I know I am lost now,
wandering so many city streets
wondering if you'd find me here
and take me off bare feet.
I am calloused, I've become raw.
How can you, so far away
remember me at all?
The street lights are turning on now
it will soon be dark.
Tell me how
to live without a heart.