Sometimes I wonder,
Sometimes I ponder,
Why do I love her.

At one look she's valentine,
and the next... she's somebody else

But like a spectre on Holloween's day,
its all but a mask.
A mask that someone else used to wear.
A mask filled with fear, grief and pain.
Masks that fills up the small dents in her heart.

I ran, she glimpsed, I reached, she smiled.
A great story it is. Yet another,
I ran, I reached, an empty look from her face.
A story that makes me cry and kneel to the Lord.

It's a difficult love indeed and temptations are real and big.
Yet, I could not find a reason to steer and drive away.
And against all logic, Love compels me to stay.

The love that compelled my savior to be hanged on a tree.
A love that never gives up,
a love that is defined by no other word than love it self.
Is the love that keeps me going.

It is because of love, that I could not let go.
Because, my savior himself did not let go.
Even at times that I betray and spat him to his face
He did not let go. He held on, He struggled.
He pulled me, He embraced me.

My Rabbi once thought me,
that love is both sweet and deadly.
love in its ultimate form, will lead one person to die.

"Die to self" my Rabbi says.
Until when can I die to my self?

Scarry as it is, I am ready to die in the name of love,
Scarry as it is, I am ready  to die to show one person love,
To lit the light of hope in her, to light back faith in her heart.
As great purposes awaits her, to be a sign of hope is a great pleasure indeed.

So am I crazy enough to lose the world in the name of love?
Sadly, I'am still incapable of loving like my savior does.
For he is perfect and I.... am being perfected.

We are of no comparison,
He was innocent, yet I was guilty.
guilty as accused.
I am but a  mere speck of dust compared to His glory.

O how can I find love in the eyes of my valentine?
I cried out and He answered,
"You don't" He says,
For  love is not about you,
but it is about dying to your self

With this love that I recieved,
I am on my way.
Fighting fears, lies and struggles,
I am on my way.

As love compels me to be,
Therefore I concluded that
I.... must be..... Half-Crazy.

i gave my pound of shylock... see, objectivism would like me to be accurate claiming it was not a pound’s worth, exacted to the precise .1 gram of weight... but that just breeds confusion, and where’s the joy in that?*

you were already chosen as the vessel of apathy
and gauged out eyes,
heartless economics built around insects,
and there you were being told:
make not your vessel a poured in content of a *****
but a russian girl of worth,
because, let’s face it, these girls experience daily
abuse that cannot be given a historical relevance
for all of humanity... choose a ******* to enter the empty
vessel of your content worth from apathy
and you’ll have to allow a crucifix of you worth too -
choose a nobler kind of girl to give your missing beating ***** to,
so she might quench something apparent in you...
but then she does opposite and you’re left as the *****
with sweet mammon whispering into your ear
about all the glories of the staged life to receive
bounties of rubber, plastic and dust of the entertainer’s stage...
then imagine being psychoanalysed on every page turn
just so that someone can have a job without having met you...
all the local prostitutes decided to denote me as the devil...
i just started wearing sunglasses when looking out the window at night.

finally this moment is here, I've been watching
and waiting, I've been hearing it all along
in between your words, in the center of the stories
you tell so eloquently, so clever, so wise

there is light in your right eye, some shadow in your left eye
the evening light is sweetly illuminating the magnitude of loneliness
some feelings need at least two people in order to be bearable

you sat and listened you looked deeper into your body
language receded, obscured itself like the moon
sometimes there is no need for words
something more important needs to be created
in between bodies and minds,
the flow of connection, of true partnership

the waves started, the waters of loneliness surfacing
you cried your tears and I cried mine
as I listened to the silence of tears I understood: this was the moment for a few simple words: I see you, I am here
there is no falling deeper than this for now
truth, this scarry creature, was there in your flesh and in mine
your loneliness was like a sea without horizon but the shiver of depth  like a voice without screaming, a bird without flight

perhaps this tango with tears will fill your lungs with innocence
as you imagine a new horizon, a new architecture for happiness

I see two green leaves breaking out of earth
After long years of dormancy
A chain reaction is starting
Cuffs are breaking lose

No more cages
This shark can dive to uncharted depths
No more shackles
This eagle can fly to uncharted heights

My weaknesses cower at my strengths
Now I smile through the pain
My positive principles
The umbrella through the rains

I hurt in the dark
My soul was hurtled and I was losing the fight
In ways so dreadful
Dreams turned to nightmares

I was ******* in my insignificance
Daily doubted the benefits of my existence
Now I take my steps with confidence

It is morning now and a flower is blooming
My night was gloomy
Now so brightly the sun shines
And heavens cannot resist my goodness

Even though the scars may remain forever
And my scarry past be forever disturbing
I rhyme to say thank you mama
For you helped me win

Because you needed a ***** in the House.
A sweet *****,
An awful *****,
A lousy *****,
A dreadful *****,
A lonely one,
A hopeful one,
A very very brave and powerful:
Real Hateful one.
A scarry *****,
A mighty *****,
A tired one...
A ****** filthy 'son of a gun' one!

The poor ***** that got broken,
AWW!
The sad ***** and pitiful,
The pretty *****,
Oh my Word! Oh, my Lord!

The charming and the jumping,
The petty...
The wonderful and working.

The stupid ***** you can't live with,
The one you can't live without.
"Better dead than that bad"

The natural *****,
The great *****,
"You little *****!"
The unnaturally something *****.

"My, my! The ***** that was
Is still mine!"

The healthy *****,
The stealthy *****,
The common *****,
The extraordinary *****...

A proud piece of rotting ****.
Your people, chosen or not disrespect.

The rotting *****,
Romantic *****,
The famished *****
And thirsty, eyes wide open,
Thinking *****, the doer *****,
The coldest *****,
You trending *****!

You want them
All                                 !
You want them

The wealthy *****,
The famous one,
The popular, loved n' hated one
The lofty one,
Superior one.
The Princess *****: you'll have to work for her and her lawn.

The never tired *****,
The always hard to take,
The better *****,
The one to money-make
Come true
The never wrong but needed *****,
Adored, much worshipped
Set free, caught in a web,
A bottle of champagne,
A cup o' tea,
A thought for thoughtful a *****
Who used to be too thoughtful,
Too loud,
Too something this and that,
To wrong.

Oh, faithful *****
Caught by all ******* love
For Gold and money and Fame you fall,
You have to.

Oh, sick of it,
Oh, knowing-it-all!
Creative *****, what have you done.
Inventive *****, illustruous *****?

My teaching a good lesson *****,
Thank you for helping me around.

Because you needed an idiotic *****!
A parting one,
Departing one,
An angry gal, good, sorrowed one.
Luckily a ****** one,
A greedy, thirsty for clean waters one,
A helplessly dreaming *****,
A needy one, needing a good witch,
The learning for better
In sickness and health,
Cleaning the wound, help mending a heart hurt
- gal!
A helpful one,
Much funny one,
A stronger one,
A stubborn one,
One to catch worms
Like every other one.

A witchy ****** annoying bitchey
Because without *******, what would be?
Oh what this world could be?

Never frail, as you fail,
Keep your dreams firm, never curtail,
Keep moving don't derail, even if you trail,
Towards your dream, Keep walking like sail.

From my childhood highly rejected,
Without realizing myself, became isolated,
Something kept me **** slowly elevated,
A day came, with convenient wins, I blasted.

Delayed success put my life exalted,
Delayed failure kept me halted,
Someone knocked the door forcefully,
I opened to see him doubt fully.

I am your dream, he continued and told,
Put this mindset on the hold,
Get up, where you fell,
Get back to your work, all is well.

He told I am there, never worry,
Get up you can, but never hurry,
Success tastes like a sweet cherry,
From me if you become, more scarry,

I worried, my life was on a halt,
Failure was a painful pinch of salt,
I thought my life was on an end,
Later realized, it chisel, in the making of a legend.

My goals constantly delayed,
A question really kept me frayed,

I planned to give up and get back,
An inner call replied me to take up & come back,
With my life, failures played,
To my personal call, I obeyed.

A voice told me, don't leave! Don't leave!
Keep working on, believe! Believe!
To the life, never become a prey,
Like a champion, always rise and stay.

I understood slowly,
Failure does not mean to give up,
Failure means the courage to get up.

You sleep to rise up,
You fall to stand up,
You fail to rise up.

Never compare to your friends,
Life is full of injuries and bends,
Your life is lived on your own,
For a meaningful run towards a success crown.

You are unique!  You are unique!
Failure is ultimately ubique!
Run your life on your own speed and ways,
Failures teach you success always.

We carry with us our memories and our scars,
strewn across our beings like the clear night is, with stars
and like sailors in the wilderness, they give us a sense of who we are,
which direction we are going, where we came from and how far.

Drops in the ocean, we reach out for our anchor,
that thread that ties us to ourselves, our idioms and our rancour
but when the storm clouds gather on the night of the new moon
I tie myself to the mast, submissive to the jostling gloom.

I catch a glimpse through Lightning bolts, the darks fiery reprieve,
those scarry looming shadows of all the souls whom had to leave,
I'm stunned, abandoned to the whim of whipping waves,
on the tide of all those memories that have formed how I behave.

This is my new scar, but it's not one bourne from pain,
it's one that can sense the morning after midnight's rampant rain,
a mountain emerging from the ocean, to make it's mark in air,
before the wind comes round a-roaring and sinks it without a care.