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Eli Smith  Jan 2015
Monophobia
Eli Smith Jan 2015
Monophobia

Or the fear of being alone

Or the fear of waking up in the middle of the night by yourself knowing that you have absolutely no one to confide in.

From an early age I was taught that my self-worth was defined with how many people found me desirable.

I found myself hopping from one relationship to the next

As if the moment I found myself alone

I was worthless

It became my favorite game.

I soon figured out that the more you “put out” the more attractive you are.

Here, I will give you my body in trade for a momentary ounce of affection

Tell me that you love me. Tell me that you need me.

Your voice sung melodies into my heart.

I fell in love with your voice where you fell in love with my desire to please.

Giving you everything you want,

Until I have nothing left to give.

I should've known that the well is only worth tapping when there is water in it,

When you told me I was too fat for you,

I shouldn’t have immediately went on a diet.

When I found out you had been cheating on my the whole time we were dating,

I should have left you.

When I found out you were  going to be the father of another girls baby,

I should have kicked your *** out.

When you started treating me like property,

I should have killed you.

But I blamed myself,

Took ever bullet,

Every punch,

Did ever chore

Palms forward,

Ready for more.

They tell me that this is wrong

But they don’t understand watching three am pass by,

Alone every night,

They don't understand nightmares and insomnia.

I am told that misery is better company than being alone.
Connor Exodus Dec 2015
Last night I had a
dream, so definitely
indifferent from clouds
of thought which drift
over my sober-wreaked
mind.


I squint and shake
and shiver with
movements, so
statically paralysed.
Bathed in my pit
of sweat and insanity.


To fathom these
patterns of hidden
truth, libido,
won't do one bit.
It can't cease to
become.


If I'm not careful
enough or tentatively
scarce in a midnight
screech I'll be sure to
tell the world my fears.
Open to interpretation.
Sandy  Feb 2012
Monophobia
Sandy Feb 2012
Why'd I do that?
Not again.
Thought I was stronger,
I let him win.
My eyes see him,
my heart sees you.
I never wanted to be through.
Why not? Just once.
Wise words from a dunce.
The deed is done,
no warmth, no fun.
Shaky limbs, teary eyes.
No one hears my trembly cries.
A helping hand,
a caring touch.
That's all I want,
is it too much?
I know your story,
your faults, your glory.
You know my wants,
you know my dreams,
yet you ignore my silent screams.
Been down this road,
a deathly spiral.
Why can't I breathe?
is it viral?
The symptoms fade,
just like the flu.
Not gone for long
returns deadlier and new.
My chest pains are real,
but for you, I pretend not to feel.
I want a smile or even just a glance.
Hopefully someday I'll get my chance.
Forget my worries, forgot my creed.
This one night stand was nothing I need.
Would you hold my hand? touch my face?
cause my tears burn, its worse than mace.
Help me see, help me grow.
There's something I need to know.
In the morning will you be?
or will it just be a lonely me?
Sonorant Nov 2021
I. Phasmophobia
I am the innumerable gloom of dim, long-buried anthems.
In wistful suspension, I shadow over a living loft in silence.
Tethered between lines, my fog bleeds on panes in knocking
Hawking your dimming faces in the lamplight of my genesis.
Torn the tunnels of their astringed throats, a requiem is reaped.
— ”I was a shape moving rapidly, nervous at the edge of your vision.” -Cynthia Huntington

II. Claustrophobia
I am the small match ignited from the depths of your mind.
My walls blanched absent of evacuation, self invite into
Your personal and private violation, invading every fissure
With icy burns, solidifying your chrysalis on hungry bark.
Your frozen God of smothering doom, a willow devours you.
— “But then I remember the universe was closed, and so very small. There was really no where else to go.” -Peter Watts

III. Ommetaphobia
I am the stricken, scarlet cloth coalesced of cruelty and ichor.
These rawboned talons, cloaked thereof, overtake embrace—
In coarse delight— a piety of prisoners’ silver stark sights.
Perceptive cavities leak my garb as my artistic blade sweeps.
Plucked from the dredges of a briny skull, two diamond orbs.
— ”The hearts hushed secret is in the soft, dark eye." -Letitia Elizabeth Landon
.
IV. Monophobia
I was the cherished friend to you, my twine stitched in your grasp.
A golden balloon unaffected by tides of time and distorting gales.
Alas from this intimate atmosphere shot an arrow, poisonous
Where silently I erupt into a missing memory upon the wind.
As your curtains close, you breathe for me, without a hand to hold.
—”And all I lov’d, I lov’d alone.” -Edgar Allan Poe

V. Arachnophobia
I am the legion of soundless beholders aloft your dormant dreams.
An itch scattered over the crooked spine, arid for pulsing melodies.
This fruitful sapling beckons each dark, angular limb near your neck.
As my lighting strikes erratically, your foolish impulse slow to clutch
Creeping necrosis bestowed by the guardian who claimed your home.
—”The Spider taketh with her hands and is in king’s palaces.” -Proverbs 30:28.

VI. Agoraphobia
I am the ancestral abductor of this rotting womb you deem a shelter.
As the embryo held within, I contract you into tides and bid ‘swim’.
Directions devoid, beyond bolted doors, you plummet to my depths
Where you wish for comforts’ wind but mislaid the method to breathe.
My otherworld encompasses you, whilst I drink in your suffocating.
— ”Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.” -William Thackeray

VII. Ecclesiophobia
I am the black shepherd in martyric masque and a mitre casque.
A discrete imminent sheep cowers, hanging on the hook in my gallery—
My chalice congregates your pure liquor of laments for libertine luxury.
I rise where you fall and smother the lantern of your last mortal minutes
Instilling final grace in the stillness of your veins, my kingdom reigns eternally.
— ”Suffering can be a gift.” - Abbie Bernstein.
Naomie  Feb 2015
Monophobia
Naomie Feb 2015
My fear of being alone
Conquers most
My lips are sewn
Shut in fear
As the feeling of being watched
Dominates my senses
Eyes boring into my back
Seeping into my skin
Chilling my bones
And my body shutting down
Inside I just want to crawl
Into a corner
Where no eyes
Can peer maliciously into
My soul
Severe case of monophobia
Emerson Nosreme Jan 2019
You won’t leave right?
I don’t want you to leave
I hate being isolated
I do like to be connected with others
Whether it’s in the streets
School, work,
I do hate to be alone
Heck, I can’t be alone
Even if my own room or home
I need to hear my mother’s cooking
My father’s typing at his computer above me
My sister’s awful singing
My brother playing football outside

And your voice
Telling me things
Will
Be
Ok
Someday

Don’t leave.
Ok?
Definition of monophobia - Fear of being alone.
Ellie Stelter Dec 2013
How would you take the news of my bitter insomnia?
Would you feel conflicted knowing that could I sleep,
I might not still want you? I know that you’re just a heap
Of atoms tied together, cells powered with mitochondria,
And without you I am just succumbing to hypoxia.
You are nothing to the universe, just an ignorant sheep,
And were my head unclouded, no illusions would I keep:
I’d know in lucidity it’s just my acute monophobia.
But you are there still, hiding under my thin skin,
And you’re not going away, and it’s driving me insane.
How could I discount your memory, your incredible smiles,
Your hands rough like heartbeats, your eyes glowing like sin?
You are a heap of molecules, mere bone and membrane:
And your soul is a fire, your ardor drives me for miles.
AMBROSIA  Feb 2019
Monophobia
AMBROSIA Feb 2019
Monophobia: the fear of being alone.
Sometimes when I sleep in my bed, I think of where I would be if I didn't have a stranger lying next to me.
What I would be if I didn't seek comfort from every hand that reached out to me.
So many hands held bad intentions and so many hands held knives.
Knives that cut deeper than the surface.
The type of knives that draw blood.
However, I realized I wasn't whole the day a stranger I thought I could love drew a knife so deep into me and the color that came out was not red, but black.
Tar fills my veins.
Tar from all of the cigarettes I smoke after I leave an address I don't remember going to.
Tar from all of the dead bodies of loved ones I have lost.
My insides are black from trying to fill myself with temporary happiness.
If the happiness isn't permanent, then the temporary leaves stains.
Strangers leave stains all of the time of their body and secrets, but don't bother to clean them up.
You see we break people we don't know because we are unaware of how much they can take.
We never take the time to get to know someone before we are deep inside of them, but outside of their mind.
I left my heart at a stranger's house.
I went back the other day to ask for the pieces back since I didn't even bother to clean it up when it spilled all over their floor.
LoveLy  Feb 2015
The Pit
LoveLy Feb 2015
I have fallen into the pit.
And as I stretch my arms and hope for wing I remember I am no angel. Flailing through the air I hold my breath denying the loneliness in that hangs there. I am not lonely! I scream in my head though the only thing that  passes my lips are the silent sobs and gasps of the tears that streak my face. The pit is not silent. You would think with no one around there would be no words but the voices in my head say differently. They pick my every flaw. They strip me of my hope and inhibition and it is they who pointed out my lonely pit.  They  where the ones who pushed me into the pit in the first place, after all.
Monophobia. Philophobia.
Together they morphed and created a pit for me to fall in. And they mock as I begin to hope for a rescuer, I have to wings and they pit has no end.  I want to be saved but  I do not want to fall in love. It hurts too much.
Tired of being alone and too afraid to try to fall in love I stretch my arms out on more time.... As the pit takes over my heart....and pretend wing spring  from my back.   The feathers are onyx black  and i know better than to try the fly.
The pit has consumed me
and I have embraced its darkness.
EmperorOfMine Apr 2019
There's this weight that numbs my entire body.
I rarely ever feel awake enough to call for someone.
Smiling here and there, winging my existence.
Attempting to attempt to go with the unpredictable flow.
It's stripping the lives I invest in, bankrupting me of any connections.
Isolated by everything but darkness, seeping in, like an infection.
Neglected and forgotten, oh no, there goes my monophobia.
Rapidly repeating this cycle of depravity, what a f*cking tragedy.
My fortune is as fortunate as living but being brain dead.
Instead of ever really feeling here, disconnected, stuck in bed.
Like this evil aura projects a demon over the body of a moth.
I'm being abused by something, blinding me, i'm lost.
I'm no one's friend, no one's love interest, no one's first choice.
Not that I want that, but I only really ever just wanted love.
But the one thing I wanted, when I could have wished for anything,
Is the one thing that constantly gets taken away from me...
I just don't want to feel alone, forgotten, on my own...
There goes my monophobia...anxiety is elevating.
I don't have panic attacks, so where does it all go?
Building up an evil to consume my soul?
Trapped in a life built on feeling like a fool, not too good not so bad.
I want to scream, let my tears stream, but I feel stuck.
In the end, I can't even cry, I just move on...
And it laughs, playing with it's little brittle fingers
Watching me break and mold until I'm cold and too old
Like a moth with it's wings ripped off at birth with the wish to fly.
This evil thing is using me as a sacrifice and it wants me to die.
Katie  Apr 2022
Monophobia
Katie Apr 2022
The future is a place of terror to me,
Uncertain truths and dwindling returns.
The people around me fade out,
Or perhaps I'm the one lost in the background?
There isn't some international lost and found
Where old and new friends can simply shout
To allow me to return feelings I once spurned;

A future alone is all I can see.
101

— The End —