Each earnest and every chosen
Nit-picked word ready
To carefully clasp cautious ears
And carve out a particular path
This persuasion, both cruel and great
To bend a mind and heart ,
And push it down your choice of fate,
Entrance, enthrall, enhance, abate,
Convince you, and sell you
And a signed, written, and binding
contract controlling you, make

if i had the energy,
maybe i'd cry over the fact that
i can't get the words to flow in this paper,
this assignment, this tiny grade
swimming in a lifetime of letters and numbers
all meant to determine my worth.
if i still had the energy, the perfectionist
buried inside of me would kick in and critique
the work; it'd tear apart the letters and mangle them
until they came out sounding somewhat intelligent,
until everyone glosses over the fact that this
paper clearly has no point, no direction
(like my life)
and no energy leaping out to greet the reader,
a.k.a. my professor and literally
not another soul.
if i had the energy, i might care
that this reminds me a little too much of three years ago.
i might try and figure out what the **** to do
in order to make myself care.
then again, if i cared,
i wouldn't be in this position in the first place.
if i had the energy, i'd stop here
and fling myself off the roof - at least,
i would, if i didn't think dying would hurt
like hell and death wouldn't be terrifying as ****.
if i had the energy, maybe this paper would already
be finished, and i could be sleeping, instagramming,
living. but the energy and my soul are dried up,
and the words won't come,
and i keep clacking on these tired keys,
a desperate prisoner trapped in dizzying
whirlwind college days.

You can't survive on energy drinks and all nighters alone,
You need someone to love you too.

And I think it's time to face facts
That I don't really want to meet anyone new.
I just want the friends I had back when who folds what what time are you coming if you're even coming at all
was all that ever mattered
I just want you.

Hello, my darkness,
I found you at last.
I stifled the blinding lights,
And delight in your soft kiss,
Your velvet cloak pooling in the corners,
And the soft silk touch of the moon
Glowing silver behind your eyelids,
And your fathomless depths
Bleed like ink, and I breathe you In like smoke,
out like water from the abyss.
You surround me with your touch,
you fill me, even as we cut delicate missteps
In the sweet, swaying, firey silence
For I am as mystified with your cool secrets,
As you lay entranced with my light.

God's green earth runs full between us
Late nights spent sipping on new wine and dreaming of all the ways we capsized
I don't sleep in anymore
I just chase your memory down the hallway
And I memorize all the lines you were so proud of
Rolling off my tongue in admiration of your thin limbs and Forrest mind
It's a shame the cancer stars hung low over you
In a way I guess it made sense
Retreating to your best friend sleep less and **** up
It's a pretty thing to grow up
It's a pretty thing to love the moon girl after she leaves you to gather dust
It's a pretty thing to have given your all only to find you turned to dust
Right down to our devotion we are the same
Steeped in isolation and dead leaves we were born out of the same fabric
And though the wall runs through our hands it's still thin enough to hear you sing
And I save all your shimmering tunes in the hymnal under my bed to sing for a better day
And in a different way
I'll chase you down again.

I used to write about smoking cigarettes
and stealing bottles from shopping centers-
about love that never deserved to exist,
and people who would now not recognize
the shape of my own being.

it's conflicting to constantly know
who you are today cannot compare to tomorrow;
and the thoughts that cause feelings of brilliance
are only echoes of past stupidity.

I'm supposed to hate myself for what I've done.

My bones should snap under the weight
of my own guilt, but there is none.

Perhaps I am incapable of feeling sorry,
even for myself, since no one else ever did.

Maybe I can't control my own demons,
because I never kept them in chains,
and it's only a matter of time
before karma catches me.

You will never understand what it took
to love You again,
and I will never comprehend why
It all left it in the first place.

We hold a thousand memories,
but the hundred I have molded on my own
burn and singe-
the sounds of your unanswered calls-
over and over-
releasing myself from a speeding car window,
losing myself in the bed that was never mine.

What would you say
if you could see the looks
on all of their faces?
Contorted and blurry by my own incoherence
and their inability to understand:
"Who are you, now?"

But I know myself.
I know I hold the anger of my father,
"You're pathetic" and "burning bridges"-
The loveless love of my mother.
The ability to disconnect from my own mind,
that has hindered me useless for so long...

You don't know me, and if you did,
these petal like lips would lay untouched, You
wouldn't believe in love
that the truth that created
the depiction of me,
would **** you.

And so I sit in silence.