i get obsessed too easily
staring at the numbers
1, 2, 3
waiting for a new one to come up
for each number is a person
and for each number is a heart
and a mind
telling me, "you're worth it
"this is worth it
"your work is your worth"
and it makes me happy
sometimes
all the time
depends on the time
sorry,
this poem isn't that great
but numbers are, aren't they
1
2
3
1
2
3
1
2
1
2
1
1
1
.

all i wanna be
is not me.

so for now be humble and happy
learn to love others as they had loved you
work hard, stay inspired, and wonder
i hope that you’ll always be true

there are many more things that are scarier
than the loss of the smile and your laughter
so be kind, and be gentle, and helpful
and we will get through this together.

she's pretty and kind and funny and i like her
and some days i think she might like me too
she's got a cute laugh and a nice smile and pretty face and nose
and every time i look at her she glows

she's imperfect and flawed and sometimes i don't like her
and definitely at the beginning i didn't
but for some reason i still like being around her
and all the things about her

i don't know if this is just a crush
or love that loves just the idea of her
but she's pretty and smart and funny and kind
and i think that's enough to want her to be mine.

and why is it that the people who seem so far away
are the people who make you smile the most?

today, im feeling blue, blue, blue
in every single hue, hue, hue
not that it's anything new, new, new
not like it's never because of you, you, you.

Can you promise yourself to be happy
even when everything isn't meant to be?

Can you promise yourself to be happy
even when there's no reason to be?

Can you promise yourself to be happy
even when everything points to the other direction?

Can you promise yourself to be happy
even when it's means having to be like me?

there are days that are long
and there are days that are short
there are days that feel infinite
and others just not so
there are days that bring pain to my chest
for reasons both good and bad
and there are days when crying is all i can do

there are days that feel like nights
and there are days i just want to sleep
there are days that **** me slowly
doing my job for me
and days where life is all i want
there are days i don't want to leave my bed
and even more so my house
even more so my friends
even more so myself

there are days where i don't want to live
not because i want to die but because living is a bit too much for me
those days make me drag my feet across the floor
and force myself to eat something
those days i just wanna be by myself
forget about friends
forget about school
forget about the world and create my own
a tiny little space where it's just me hugging me
a tiny little ball of "you don't have to be"

on days like that i wish i really could
on days like that i wish i could run away from the world
and pretend as if i'm not a part of it
on days like that i wish i could be alone
and pretend as if there's no one around me
on days like that i wish i had the freedom
to be free from every you, every she, every they
every day
every day

every day there are days and theys that make me want to sleep forever
and every day those days and theys keep moving on and forward
and i watch them leave and go away
as i keep myself to myself on my bed
on days like that
on days like this
sleep is something i love to take over me.

days without
are the worst kind of days
because they remind me of the time
when were still here
when we used to laugh all the time
and never be without a smile
even when i had trouble to

every day without
keeps me regret ever meeting
because people cry as much as they laugh
and made me more happy than anybody

all the days without
keep reminding me
that aren't here anymore
that can't speak to me anymore
can't sing to me anymore
can't smile to me anymore

days without
tell me that i can't live without
that i don't want to be anything without
that i am nothing without

love,
still love

i
j
k
l
m
n
o
p
q
r
s
t
u.

how can i smile,
when happiness has been taken from me?
how can i give,
when all has been gone from me?
how can i laugh,
when humor means nothing to me?
how can i live,
when my life has slipped away from me?

on days that seem so fast
it's the slow things that keep you going
stop, smell the flowers, they say
even if the road is so far away

i'm happy right now,
for better, for worse
and i find it quite liberating
i'm not doing anything
i don't do much anymore
and yet i still do

i still do a lot of things
but not because i must do a lot of things
but because i like doing them
i like doing them and it's fun to do them
when no one is telling you you have to

happiness is a word that's very difficult to describe
or so so many people say
but walking a slow pace
and living life as if it's long
looks to me like a happy face

my friend told me,
"life is short, but we've got time"
and so i'll make my life mine.

it's hard to ask for advice
when you feel like you don't deserve it
it's hard to want to be happy
when you've never been anything like it
it's hard to want to change
when you feel like you can't ever
it's hard to want to feel whole
when you can never keep it together.

i will write in the way that I used to
and i will smile in a way that is true
i will fight for myself and my love
until happiness becomes my virtue

i will breathe all the air that comes to me
even if poison is all there to give
i will write, i will fight, i will breathe,
i will live.

the farther you let
the corners of your lips
reach high, high up,
the more painful it is
going down, down, down.

why are the ones closest to you
always the ones that hurt you the most?

let's create a flame
from the fire in your eyes
let's create a flame
from the truth in our lies
let's create a flame
from all happy cries
let's create fire out of ice.

i miss you, my life,
my love, my inspiration
i miss how easy it was
for me to stay happy in elation

i miss being alone
and not caring what people think
i miss the way i write
and all the smiles my words would bring

i miss that life of no worries
where laughter defined the world
where i could be myself and no other
never minding the hurt

i miss the future that should’ve been mine
if things hadn’t turned out this way
i miss the way the trees used to dance
before all the leaves flew away.

he looks to me
like a song played in full-volume
in a concert hall miles away
thousands of fans screaming for him
singing his song in his name

he looks to me
like a spark in the dark sky
like a firework still not quite there
a burning warmth that doesn't hurt me
love that's meant to be shared

he looks to me
and i look up to him
but his eyes are miles away
a mic in his mind, a song on his lips
a thousand hearts broken that day.

lately, there's been a boy
who's been in my mind for days
been around me for seven years
and more
some days, i think i love him
other days, i think he loves me
sometimes, i think i don't
other times, i think i'm just talking to myself
telling myself
all of that could be true

he's in love with someone else,
that much is true
and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't sad because of it
even though i have no right to
it makes me wonder if i really do love him
or if i just love being around him
calling him mine
even if it's not the way he calls her "mine"

these days, he loves me,
looks at me
as if i really am the one
makes me listen to his favorite songs
listen to his soul
talks to me like he wants to tell me
everything
everything about him

is it true? tell me, is it?
or does it actually matter?
do i love him? or do i not?
do i want to love him? and if so, why so?
loving him, and loving what could be him are two different things
and yet, are so alike

love is odd, love is strange
he is odd, he is strange
i am, too, i am, too

he confuses me, in more ways than one
i wonder if i confuse him, too.

her hair is dyed brown
her eyeglasses round
there's a pink tint to her face
her fashion is chic
there's blush on her cheeks
my heart's in the middle of a race

she smiles at me widely
genuinely and politely
and her laugh is all that i need
i'd run my fingers through her hair
and let mine go down bare
if only she'd let me

she hugs me from the back
and whispers in my ear
"how are you?" everyday
if only that were true
the kind of truth i want it to be
if only she'd kiss me that way

for she loves me, she does
and i like her, i do
but it's not the same if it's not the same
yet even 'til now
my own smile hasn't changed
and it's the same because it's still the same

so i don't really mind
that my mind's still on her
and the way hers isn't on mine
'cause in these words that i write
and in the dreams i've at night
if she's there then i'll be just fine.

one day i will leave this world
this world with four walls confining me
i will make wings that can fly and turn me
into a person so humble and wise

i’ll be free from rules and regulations
and one day this world will be mine
one day i’ll grow my own way
one day i’ll grow in my own time.

why do people say
"a rainbow is smiling through"
when the shape it forms
is a frown?

there’s a character in my story
whose heart got split in half
used to be the brightest little ball of energy
until his heartbreak spelled him sad

i was worried when writing this character
he felt unrealistic and made no sense
until yesterday when my heart got broken
and suddenly he and i are sharing the same dance.

i’ve replaced happiness with obedience
a smile with fruitfulness
laughter with silence
emotions with effectiveness.

i wish there was a way
to rewrite a song
that's already been written by someone else

i wish there was a way
to make right what was wrong
and forget about what happened then

i wish there was a way
to find out where you are
so i could fall in love again.

songs fill up my mind
sing to my ears until
there's nothing left to think
nothing left to say
nothing left to hate

songs fill up my days
sing to me until
there's nothing left to think
no more room to think
no more

dear thoughts
dear sadness
please, leave me be

dear,
leave me be.

i find that i write the best
just after a fight
just after i've cried
just after the tears have fallen

doesn't matter what story it is
happy, sad, mysterious
funny, tragic, ridiculous
i will always write it well

because any story i write
after a fight, after i've cried
is a story that gives me the most comfort
because any fiction

is better than this.

how critics
are merely
onlookers.

sometimes i wish i could just wish them away
the people who live in this house with me
sometimes i wish they would go away
and just leave me alone to be

sometimes i just wanna live in my own world
at night when no one else is awake
when i can be myself and be free in being myself
and not worry one single bit

i want to be alone in my being alone
and not think of anyone else
more importantly, i want them to shut up
so that i wouldn't ever need to hear their voice ever again

i hate the sound of their voice
i hate it when they speak
i hate it when they tell me things
i hate it when they talk to me

i just wanna be alone
i just wanna be without them
even the sound of their laughter is awful
it's disgusting me

i hate it
i hate it, really
i can't even write this stupid thing
because their voices are too much

i can't find the words
the right words to express it
i hate it, i hate them
i want them away

i want them to go away
i want to be alone
i hate them
please go

please, just go
i want to be alone
i want to be alone
i want to be alone

i want to be alone.

why do you fall in love so easily
when love isn't easy at all
when love eases the heart
and hurts it all the same

why do you fall in love so easily
when love requires a you
and you can't find me
and i can't either

why do you fall in love so easily
writing words down in hopes that someone will get it
in a hope that can't be invented
hoping that it can no longer

why do you fall in love so easily
when love isn't easy at all
when your heart is fragile and so easily broken
when you're not even sure if someone will catch it when it falls

wish i could paint the sound of your voice
wish i could taste the laughter in your smile
wish i could hear the color of your lips
in a way that only i would know

wish i could heal a heart that's been broken
wish i could heal my own
wish i could feel their pain and more
so they wouldn't have to know

wish i could do the impossible
but impossible's the only way to go.