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Renae Aug 2023
She was an open book
He was illiterate
He kept trying to
slam her shut
She didn't know
how to deal with it
She tried to give
him a summary
he wasn't listening
She tried to make
It about him
he called her boring
Finally she turned
the page
and began to write
a new ending
Renae Aug 2014
For even if
I were engulfed in darkness

That darkness

would eventually be filled
with the light of truth
Renae Dec 2018
I focus as I peer into my mirror
Twin image of me standing there
In silence no words are exchanged
I suppose there is nothing more to say
All my breath has been exhausted
My heart exposed
My mirror image laughs at me
Just out of reach
He likes it when I lose
Renae Nov 2019
I face the mirror I see in you
My grip loosens from my rope
Where I tried to tie us in a knot
Renae Apr 2014
Smooth out the wrinkles
before I sleep
don't forget
to tuck in the sheet
chill the fluffed pillows
sprinkle soft scents
floating light as air
off to sleep I went
Renae Nov 2013
I picture his fingers
.           lightly dusting over my body
.                    like a feather....  in every curve.

.                          Caressing my every imperfection
.                                  as if I were completely irresistible

.                    I imagine the kisses as pure and honest  
.               as sweet dripping honey,
.                      luscious and inviting, sweet.

.                       Our embrace is graceful, tender,  
.                              thoughtful; delicately wrapping  
.               like a satin fabric
.                       lingering quietly draped
                                                      so so soft............
.                                               ­                    I imagine
Love
Renae Jan 2014
A home mostly cool with a slight constant breeze makes me uneasy.
The fire rages but my arms are weak to lug and haul anything substantial.
The trips are often and the pieces are misshapen, still they create warmth and for that I do not dare make a complaint.
Always I am surprised at how the wind seems to find it's way through the painstaking MacGyver'ed covering. The seals do not seem sealed.
I do hope my bones can rest by the firelight long enough to make the rest worth it all. Then again my choices are lacking. I think I'll have a coffee with my blanket.
Renae Apr 2014
And I suppose you are all mine.......

I mean...... since you seem to always be there for me......

I imagine you have no time to play..........

I mean...... to play the field, or find another
smile, another love, another flower to pick

To give......

I mean....... for anyone who looks your way,
who loves your charm, your kiss, your touch
.                                         .........only me.......
I don't really know what I mean anyway
Renae Aug 2023
I might die tomorrow.

I am 5, & I don't know my family. I was born like this.
They say my life is in gods hands,
but I don't know what God is? God if you are there, will you please send me an angel?

I heard angels are beautiful.

A lady came today, she said I was so pretty. She told me she would take  me somewhere special where they would take care of me, is she your angel?

3 days later I was on the ocean, shoved into a train car on a boat. All of us, children,
we need baths, we need food. She lied, we are not safe.

Oh no! Where am I?
This place doesn't look clean,
this is scary, now I am in a cage like an animal!
We all are, all the children around me, they are crying... they are not safe,
we are so sad,
they are hurting.
Where am I?

It is so dark in here, it is so cold. Please bring help,

I might die tomorrow.

Please send me an angel.
please send me an angel.
Renae Sep 2016
I'll be the first
though it's hardest to admit
What you say?
Impatience

Like a predator
Ready to pounce
In an instant
A sharp Crack
Stab of words!

So Impatient

Still.....

It lingers on me
I am unable to deliver
demands you seek
I am stiff like a cold
hard drink held in your fingers
I sting
until I am tasteless
Impatience
Renae Feb 2014
I am not impressed darling
I am not impressed at all
with your high horse decisions
or the way you're keeping score
with your love of divisions
you set yourself up on the throne
to judge with imperfection
what you believe to be your own
Renae Mar 2014
It's amazing to me
how one small expression  
changes my whole world
Instantly walls fall down
I am back in a place of yesterday
When life was predictable
You were mine and I was
fearless........ of anything
Your important expressions
make my tears flow
effortlessly
Renae Jun 2014
Impressions rarely show truth
After all they are only impressions
Renae Feb 2015
Swepped away by moments of benevolence

Staring in a haze of emotions

Overflowing
tears of gratefulness

Overwhelming gratitude
for the royal excellence

Sunrise
and
Sunset

*I am in awe of you, Jehovah God
Renae Jan 2014
Supposing it is my way, although that is never the intended effect. Shaking the irrational awake is difficult as insensitive as words may seem, instead of causing adverse reaction the hope is to open eyes and ears alike, kindling a desire for change in thought and action. A new system of thinking. A new order of hope found in something real unlike the mythology of today. The idea of ignorance is faulty and study is imperative in order to dig for treasures stored in heaven. Love is real and attainable although blind love will lead to an unstable view of lose ideas of kisses and backing that doesn't exist. A realistic view is sometimes blunt and hard to even take a peek into with squinty eyes. I apologize.
Renae Jan 2014
Insomnia is a terrible thing causing one to become sequestered from reality.
Renae Jan 2014
If we can be nothing more to another we can be inspiring. To bend the brain a bit and juggle thoughts, is to create a fine painting in an open mind. As I spill out wisdom they'll clean up the spots and vise versa. A chain reaction of sorts and in my face palm I'll sip my coffee and smile to myself. We are inspirational.
Renae Feb 2017
Trust is a risky investment
It often backs me into a corner
So needless to say
Love does not come easily for me
Physical beauty is deceptive
Hair, eyes, lips, feet....
Meaningless, unless to serve
A purpose
Seeing, breathing & warmth
Clothing style...
shoes, hats, coats, scarves... accessories... fleeting
They only dress up the outside
So, now as we peel
back the layers of this onion,
We begin to reveal
The secret person of the heart
Here is where self love is possible
For here is where self love begins
Honest
Real
Giving
Thoughtful me
I am undefined
selfless really
These are just the beginning
Of my list
No
It's not super lengthy,
But the value to me
Is unmatched
Renae Mar 2017
For the life of me
I cannot understand the monotony
Chasing tails up and down stairwells
Ludicrous!
How can you call this excitement?
I cannot remember the last 5 minutes!
This dreadful spinning
Responsibility is heavy
Calling all my friends and family
Government mandatory
Legalized this circus
There is no way around it
you must have insurance!!!
Now they will label me
Certainly the wolf at the door
Stacking up bills
You can't afford to ignore
So maybe one day
IF you qualify
You can give someone money
When you die
I do not want to be an insurance agent
Renae Oct 2015
The **** is so thick
It is impossible to clean now
It has caked onto the walls
Sickening as it is
When you see it you close your eyes
Still it is there and you now know
You know as soon as you follow
Unfollow
It's now in your brain
Because without taste
It was in your face
Instagram ****
Renae Nov 2014
He would whisper
every sensual seduction
Tickling my ears with desire
I imagine we were in love
Dancing purely out of emotion
Taking us over as we'd drown
In eachother's arms
Tangled up in a stormy romance
His thunder
My lightning
Electricity sparks a fire
We were engulfed into flames
A passion more intense
Than one mind could behold
Burning out of control
We could burn down the whole forest
until it was finally a smolder
A burning smolder
No longer strong enough
The smolder turns to ash
Easly blown away by the wind
In my mind as vivid as the beginning
And still I wish, I imagine, I pretend
Renae Mar 2014
Of sadness and confusion
of dreams and hope
Of illusion
I read writings of pure honesty
in those stories
I see the ruins of you and me
Renae Sep 2014
A heart crushed
Craves love

Yet it can no longer
Trust
Without trust love cannot be
Renae Feb 2014
I shouldn't even care anymore
If gravity triumphs
I shouldn't even care
that my legs turn to forests
or colors no longer grace my face
I no longer eat bits & pieces
& I shouldn't even care
Renae Mar 2014
Gently placing thoughts in my head
ever so carefully
They claim I will pick up the pieces
I smile a sigh  
I want for all of their fantasies of me
I glance at the floor
My pieces are everywhere and so many
I think impossible
And then I hear his voice and see him
In my dreams
As I fall back on the floor again & again
I smile a sigh
Shake my head and close my eyes
They gently place
These thoughts of fantasy and bliss
All I see is him
Renae Jul 2014
Is that what you think? All a woman needs is a big ****** an she'll be good for the rest of the week? Lemme tell you somethin boy, learn this:
When she's up late at night staring out the window, thinking about you, she's thinking about the time you laced fingers; she looked up and you looked down and the firelight danced on your faces.  She remembers lazy footrubs, her legs on yours  when you fed her bites of your ice cream, each of you on either side of the sofa. That day on the beach when you said she was the most amazing girl in the world then you put a flower in her hair. She remembers laughing until her cheeks hurt, getting the inside joke and the way you winked. She remembers your crooked smile, your walk, your voice and your arms, every detail in your hands. The sound of your voice. She remembers every detail of everything but all you remember is the O. She would have loved you anyways.
Renae Oct 2014
Everytime I see your smile my heart skips
I melt inside just thinking about you
You are the perfect picture in my mind
I think I dreamt you into life
I pour out my soul to you hopeful
I get lost in your calm collected way
I love your charm and charisma
You shatter me into a thousand tiny bits
Renae May 2015
"Just a little while longer"
It is written
And though we stumble
Trip and sometimes fall
We are not wicked
Only a little bit bent
Misunderstood
Confused and broken
We weep and we hope
Yet we stay loyal
Because we know
It is almost over
Renae Nov 2013
Don't be a fool, it's commercial not holy,
Thankful one night, the next in a hurry.
Camp outside don't miss your chance
to fight over that TV even though it's the last
Watch out! You don't want to be trampled in the hurry!
Rushing in at 4 am the scene is so blurry
But you stood in the cold just to find the gold
The treasure sure to bring on the "oooh's"
But there's so many who're jealous
They'll cuss and consume you
No fighting now, tis the season!
But you got to it first so who cares what they do
Even though the debt is rising
Even in your pockets
Can't hide the idea,
there's no safe place to lock it.
The tradition's been there for centuries
If you don't give you won't get
but who really cares who's
in the most debt
We'll pay it off in time to go under again
But each year it gets harder to top your friend
And there's no family member more satisfied with ends
The gift card full of cash now that's the best gift!
For perhaps they can pay off a little
of their overspending
while the stores roll around in their profits of billions
And the average home is filled with silent depression disappointment of expectation meets the realization
There's so many unwanted presents
Then comes the dreaded texting and ignorance
sitting in a room filled with a cold sting of silence
after spending every dime you had in thoughtfulness
All with the very best of intentions
Sad but true
I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses so I don't participate, but I see the news and the youtube videos,  I also see the aftermath from friends and family who do participate.
Renae Dec 2014
I believe it's time
We say goodbye...

So farewell
My distant love
Goodbye for good
You'll find someone else
Like I supposed you would

This time you'd be different
This time you'd be true
Treat her like gold
Like a priceless pearl
Shiny and beautiful
Sacred and pure
You'll learn from me
What not to do to her
Renae Jul 2014
The giving and forgiving was easy
The want for your happiness
overwhelmed me constantly
I'm smiling as I can see
your need to be free
Remembering the bending
over backwards to please you
Only makes letting go easier
After all is said and done
I'll choose to keep
the good memories
Renae Feb 2014
It was you from the very first moment
You who caught my eye
You who took my hand
Who told me I was better
Who made me feel beautiful
It was you
You who took me to places I'd never seen
Who made me care
Who cared about me
It was you
You who made me cry
Who shattered my heart
Who dropped my hand
Who stopped caring
It was you who never talked
You who walked away
You who let go of me
It was you
Renae Nov 2014
I want you to love me
             Understanding
                   This encompasses all things

Tolerate my imperfect intentions
My desires to please you in everyway
For this is something I crave
I want to do this everyday

I will not ever hurt you on purpose
                         I want you just as badly
                                 As I want you to want me

Please remember this when I
make you angry
Please remember all I ever wanted
Was to make you happy
Jehovah
Renae Mar 2014
Soon there will be nothing left of this
soon all your games will have come to an end

*And I'll be happy
then I will smile
I will never think of what
you did to me
after awhile
I will forget about everything
I'll live my life abundantly
Then everyone will finally see
Me the way I want to be
and I will be happy
Renae May 2014
I wish there was peace, worldwide peace
I wish everyone always had full tummies
I wish for no war and for happy families
I wish for no rashes or allergies
I wish for human equality
I wish there were no violence or cruelty
I wish that everyone blind could see
I wish for no more sickness and disease
I wish all the deaf could hear you sing
But mostly....
I wish for love between you and me
Renae Mar 2014
Scribbling in a hurry about
some freak inspiration
on a whim of excitement!
Let me get my pen
On a napkin
On an envelope in the car
I write of love and loss and anger
Emotional storms
Of you and me and God
Of what might have been and what could be
but mostly I write to heal me
Renae Sep 2015
Yes I am
I am angry when
Words are twisted
Lies are told
I am jealous
For righteousness
I am jealous
For His name sake
I am angry when
Selfishness
Takes the front seat
When no one notices
Truth in plain site
All because
Maybe the truth is
The lies
Taste too sweet
Renae May 2013
Please tell me what it's all about?
I’ve never felt so insecure
So much confusion trying to blind me
I remember my foundation is sure
And that’s when I open my eyes

I focus, then I realize
We’re headed towards the paradise
so I remember the promises I’ve come to know
and the reality of what’s been told,

He cannot lie to us
He makes His name known to everyone
Then He causes to become
He causes to become

Could you imagine peace?
Peace of mind within your thoughts?
Peace inside your heart
Peace within the animal kingdom?
An earth with no borders
Humanity with freedom
It’s coming

He cannot lie to us
He makes His name known to everyone
Then He causes to become
Oh yes He causes to become

No more rich dictators
No more wealthy entertainers
Only beauty will surround us
Because happiness has found us

Watch closely this system’s going down
We can’t wait!
No more wars to hurt the masses
No more famine crisis
No more poor or middle classes

He cannot lie to us
He makes His name known to everyone
Then He causes to become
Oh yes He causes to become*

(Hebrews 6:18 : "So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable, because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us")
The name Jehovah means "He causes to become"
Renae Apr 2014
Stronger than waves crashing
Stronger than stone
Stronger than the stars that light
up the sky
Cataclysmic volcanic energy
is your might
Your strength to lead us
just as strong
As was your strength to decide
to willingly give
up your human existence
Providing us
Hope for everlasting life
Today was Nissan 14, the day Jesus died
Renae Apr 2014
I will agree to disagree and listen while you share your opinions, kindly please realize I understand your misunderstanding and I apologize with the sincerest heartfelt pity
Renae Oct 2017
He was set in his ways
knew just who
& what he wanted

He wanted her, but
she wasn't quite sure
So she stuck around
for the fun
A few months in she
Started to fall

Well that's the way
Love begins after all..

The chase

After a while he
let her grow on him
even though inside
He swore he would be
The bachelor debonair
Everyone knew him to be

Til the day he die
Come what may
He'd never be tied down
Or made to stay

She wanted love
she needed it
She saw he also wanted
More than this

So they fell in love
Shut the rest out

Turn the page
8 years down the line
two more added
to the family tree
the first 2 years
were wonderful
Her dream come true
The next 8
We're all downhill


The hardest times came
Their love
so frail
She couldn't fight
Anymore
She couldn't keep it together
She wasn't strong enough
I guess it wasn't forever

Through the years
She died a thousand deaths
There was nothing left
Her heart turned to stone
Joy left her eyes
She quickly learned
She was always all alone


He had already moved on
before they ever were apart
Without a second thought
He had found new life
He had broke her heart
Renae Dec 2016
I miss you, you know
Time lingers for no one
Strength subsides
Flesh is weak
Hands searching
for something sweet
Just for a moment
Until you fill up
My empty spaces
Renae Sep 2015
C'mon Justice
Don't take your time
Like yesterday never happened
Too much time goes by
Oh Justice
How can we recall
Until it doesn't matter anymore
C'mon Justice
You saw it all
Renae Dec 2017
Just so you know
I do not want to save you
In fact I can not.

You and I,
We can only save ourselves.
Renae Oct 2020
Here in the corner it's free
Nobody demands
anything of me
No one on the phone
wishing I would come home
No stress
it's just me, and I'm a mess
here in the corner
of a crowded place
locked away
inside my space
I used to feel free
Here I free my angry
Only more sad
giving em hell
still making em mad
Singing out my own voice to myself
Never a glance to anyone else
Renae Oct 2017
Sometimes I think running away
Sounds like a dream come true

Minds thickly clouded with memories feel unworthy
Asking silly things
Falling on unlistening ears
just ready
To spill it back
out through other holes
in other spaces
in unwanted ways

No it's better mute
It's safe that way
Nobody hurt
Nobody blamed

Nobody hears the screaming...

But if they did anyway I would only want to run again

As if anyone could change
The elephant in the room
No,
Ignorance
makes it my elephant
And I guess
That's comfort enough

So I'll keep it to myself
Renae Sep 2016
Stay quiet
I am done with contemplating
You're too in love with yourself
A woman
Is not yours for taking
She belongs to herself
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