I should be happy.

I woke up alive and well,
I should be happy.

I have new books to read,
I should be happy.

I have 490 songs on my iPod,
I should be happy.

I have good grades in school,
I should be happy.

I have friends who I can talk to and fangirl with,
I should be happy.

I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me,
I should be happy.

I should be happy,
I'm not happy.

(a.d)

such a nice, easy, going day
it seems way to chill to be going away
it's quite and peaceful, haven't had that here for a while
I know that when I leave, it's going to end up
with tears and a smile
I'll miss the memories and friends, the small comfort I found
it's scary, I'm going back home, where disaster is all around
but it feel's so good knowing it's only hours away from leaving
I hope I don't do anything stupid like going missing
I've thought about this day since the first day I came
but now it's crazy thinking that out there it's no game
I've got skills and talents and know how to put them to work
but it's up to me, to see, if I use them, so I won't get hurt
my mind and emotions are about to burst
because I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
it's only hours away, it going by real fast
it feels so great to finally say, at last!
I'm happy and nervous but that's not bad at all
I just hope that I don't begin to fall
I'm ready, everything is packed up
I'm just like a volcano, ready to erupt
I thank the ones who were always there, never turned me down
I'm glad I made friends that never let me fall to the ground
I'll be leaving real soon and it's exciting as hell
to my brothers and sisters I wish you farewell

You admitted a weakness,
A sweetness in your honesty
But I never imagined it could be.

A glance caught,
A laugh shared with ease,
A fool, that's me.

So simply self convinced,
No chance for this.
But then, a light touch to knee...

And like that day you shook my hand,
We met.
And now I see.

So much to learn for
This is your world,
This language is is not me.

But I'm a fool
who wants to learn,
Teach me.

joy? what's that?
happy? is that some type of animal?
smile? that's a number...right?

1: 38 am, coming home from the bar
where are my ****** keys?.....every single time
2: 17 am, ughhhhhh
throw-up in the front door, every single time
2: 39 am, knocks out...... z z z z z
9: 37 am, late for work, every single time
10:05 am, barely made in time
still gonna get yelled at, every single time
5: 33 pm, getting ready to leave
lost my keys how the **** I'm gonna start the car, every single time
6: 40 pm, get home, eat a cup of ramen
getting ready to leave, every single time
7: 47 pm, reach the bar and find the lonely **** girl
buy her a drink, spent more $50 dollars, ****, every single time
12: 42 am, hopefully I don't **** anyone today
just make sure I'm driving real slow, every single time
1:38 am, coming home from the bar...............................
Every Single Time...

all the blood and tears that I wasted all this years
come from the pain and hurt, that I continue to fear
I'm left alone, left behind from anything possible
I'm not disrespectful nor irresponsible
so why was I lonely most the time
I did nothing more then just a couple crimes
I'm different, I know that for a fact
doesn't mean I have to get attacked
I dream and cry just like all the rest
I don't want to keep getting treated like I'm a lab rat test
I don't blend in with the colors of the walls
why is it that I never get invited to go the mall?
why is it that I don't get asked if I'm alright?
why I'm the person they always want to fight?
I must be a figure that looks like it needs to get beat
might as well throw me in a lions den, since I'm just a piece of meat
it's hurtful and sad that I get told to die
that the only friends I have aren't humans but flies
I'm not the best looking guy in world, I get that
doesn't mean you have to bash my skull with a bat....