wake up
throw myself on the floor
i'm shaking
as my life goes out the door
thinking of my fate
its all a disaster
looking for a god
for another life after
life isn't gold
life isn't fun
it doesn't go slow
if you know how to run
temper is explosive
a boiling *** of anger
this **** is persuasive
is my life in danger?

This addiction is bad
These injections will change your life
It is everything, it is nothing, it is unexplainable
Like being stabbed a million times with a knife

It burns my whole body
Inside and out
I want to stop so bad
But it fills my mind with doubt

I become obsessive,
Sometimes I'm in rage
Even saying something simple
Will put me on a rampage

There are bugs in my skin
I get constant heat flashes
I can't stop itching
It leaves me with gashes

Your friends become enemies
Every family member is now a stranger
No one can be around you
Everyone is in danger

I'm loosing my body
I'm loosing mind
This specific drug,
It's the worst kind

I can't feel my body
Now it's all down hill
I no longer shake
I am completely still

My vision is impaired
Feels like it was injected into my eyes
I lay here stiff as a board
As my body slowly dies

life didn't have to end up in such a place
I'm stuck, no escape, it's to much, it's making me go apes
all I see here is nothing but shame, regrets, and sadness upon everyone's face.....

grew up into what the world views as a **** up, someone who never made it, someone that just wouldn't come to a stop
it slowly developed as a 10 year old who began smoking ****
18 now, **** became his need

I'm happy as can, theres no-one around tell what I can't do, I don't have to come to a stop
next thing you know theres knock on the door
oh ****, it's a cop

promised the cop I'd throw away anything that has to due with drugs
but the cop was way to smart for that, so he stayed and made sure I did what said
instead all I did was hide all of it under my bed

a month later the same cop returned, I tried running but I'm only 103 pounds and haven't seen sunlight for more than then a day
he caught me in the quickness, I pleaded and pleaded that he let me go
"I'm only doing this for your own good, don't you remember me, I'm your only brother, please stop trying to runaway"

didn't recognize him at first until I looked him straight in his eyes
I began to tear up but I didn't want to cry
the pain was getting held back, next thing you now I black out
he thought I was going die

he rushed me to the hospital and everything made sense
that's where I truly opened up my eyes
he wasn't a cop and this wasn't me
I was just in the land of the killer demon bees

that place was where I felt like I was in charge and had nothing but power
now I'm sitting in a place I call home
thinking hour after hour

to live is to dream
to die is to awaken
my life was nothing
more, then surely mistaken
the monsters and demons
that stay inside of my head
don't won't to leave
because they have a
nice comfortable bed
they sing and dance
as they chant their spells
cursing me with sorrows,
regrets, leaving me in hell
my thoughts towards the world
is now just filled with ****
leaving me to drink and drown
on pain and ***
I dream of dreams but
end up with nightmares
now I go to sleep
saying nothing but prayers
I miss my old self, the
person who I once was,
the ***** old homeless who
slept in a broken down bus
the evil is so strong, it's
to late to runaway
like my monsters and demons
I might as well stay.

Dear ****,

       ******* and your devilish traps
thanks for making my good days go to crap
thanks for separating me from my mother,
for making me look like a **** up to my brother
thanks for the addiction I have to face
you really did take me to another place
thanks for making me into the person I am
at least you never made me slam
thanks for making me stay up for a week or two
you showed me that I got nothing to lose
thanks for putting shadows in front of my eyes
but if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t have realized my lies
I now put a gat in the side of my lap
cause I can’t even sleep or even take a nap
I’m always moving around , where ever it is you take me
bringing me to my dealers house making me beg on my knees
even if it’s just leftover’s, crumpled up in aluminum foil
Now I pick my arms because I think it begins to boil
I’m known as the black sheep in my family
you made my life a ****** up tragedy
The scars you caused aren’t only visible but mental
Thank god I stopped before I melted my dentals
There’s still a voice in my head telling me not to leave you
but I want to start my actual life, I want to be someone new
I thank you for the **** caused, for the mistakes you made me do
But I’m leaving you now, one last thing, *******.