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Raquel Butler Jul 2016
Why don't you talk more?
well... you see i-i
You're so quiet, you probably hate everyone.
no actually, i prefer to observe due to my crippling anxiety but-
You're getting so red, calm down!!
i'm trying to, but I'm having trouble catching my breath...
I always used to think you were a *****, but you're actually really nice!
thanks...I think?
So, do you wanna hang out this weekend?
sure let me just check with my mom
You ready to go?
uh actually my mom needs me at home, I'm so sorry!
Hey, we haven't talked in forever we need to hang soon.
yeah let me know when
TBH we used to be close, but idk what happened...
yeah, I really miss you :(
a dialogue- internal reaction poem about how my anxiety often pushes people away
Raquel Butler Jul 2016
Under vibrant disco beams,
I became something you believed.
I stole your love and trust,
ran away with it in the night,
as we danced and danced.
But as the sun came up and dusk became dawn,
you realized who I was,
not a lover, not someone you should trust.
yet you still did...
Raquel Butler Jul 2016
I find myself unable to take myself seriously.
Meaningless words bubble from my lips like a spilt teapot consuming the unused space below,
My voice is eerily vacant of any tone,
any sign that I might feel alive is mute and unknown.
My writing filled with banal rhymes to appease my status quo.
Desperately my fingers fly across the keyboard desperate for some substance,
but all I hear is tap tap tap...then silence.
I suppose I could analyze the deeper meanings here, but my brain is hardwired to avoid my problems and all my analysis brings tears.
Because everything I see or touch or consume
reminds me of how my emptiness is a show
my feelings anchored to a place I do not yet know.
The meaning of this poem just sort of unraveled as I wrote it and I liked where it went.
Raquel Butler Jun 2016
The sunday quiet eases my mind,
a welcome vacancy of thought spirals.
In the distance a soft tune plays,
music spins in and out of my space.
It fills my limbs from head to toe
spouting from my lips, my eyes, my-
my music spins me into a daze
and trance unlike a hypnotic phase.
The sun beams high from its sunday spot,
the clouds are fluffy, light, and white.
And as the music blooms to peak,
the lapping blue envelopes my cheeks.
I float in absence of the my weight,
absolute serenity claims a stay.
Its clear blue sheen brings peace to mind,
like I could drown here and still not die.
Its weightlessness drenches my hair,
yet when i shift into the air,
the weight is heavier so much there.
I intake life and fall to the floor,
the most abnormal experiences
are felt under this blue shore.
My body trembles as reality shakes,
my breathe is leaving,
to the surface or to a calmer place?
A disturbance by the door I hear,
gentle giggles of my sisters near,
I gasp for air as the bubbles explode,
This sunday warmth is toxic yet not loathed.
the innocent testing of my breathe holding abilities + sundaze
Raquel Butler Jun 2016
you:
humor used to disguise,
your vacuous lies,
a smile seemingly bright,
a knife stabbing my insides.

sarcasm used to disguise,
my wrung out insides,
chopped cropped lob,
cleansing me of your scorn.
me:
read it either way, it makes more sense top to bottom tho
  May 2016 Raquel Butler
Owlycat
i sit and stare at the wall
tears running down my face,
my vision blurred.
i see a man in the texture
he tells me that it will be okay,
that my tears are just feelings
trying to escape.
that i need to
share them instead of wiping them away..
more 2 am thoughts. maybe this will start to be my end of day project..
Raquel Butler May 2016
you forced my hand,
every time was like loving sand.
so now i have to go,
now i have to say no.
o**h, but it *hurts.
anyways, this is a continuation from Yes? No? posted a few months ago on here.
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