This life ****…
Man it’s exhausting..
I don't think anyone has any idea how tired I’ve been.

So let me explain...

I'm tired
..I’m tired..
******* I'm tired...
I'm ******* tired.
Tired of life.
Tired of crying.
Tired of whining
..Tired of trying.
Tired of trying to try
only to fail
to keep trying.
Tired of feeling like
the only reason I'm alive
is to try and avoid dying.
Tired of being the only one
that thinks I don't deserve
the talents that I have
that I constantly keep denying.
Tired of thinking
that even if I were to show my talents
then you people would think I'm lying.
Tired of keeping everyone else motivated accidentally,
when I can barely stay inspired I'M TIRED..

…

Tired of thinking I dream too big
Because everyone else is thinking smaller.
Tired of being different
than anyone else that I'm around
and feeling I don't belong here.
Tired of all my goals
being too big for most to grasp
because my thoughts are always broader.
Tired of my own dreams
always being out of reach
and making me feel alone and awkward.
Tired of being annoyed and peeved
and on the edge at any little thing
that makes me bothered.
Bothered at the fact
that I'm tired of being tired
and can't stop my thoughts from wandering.
Tired of losing sleep
over trying to catch some rest
and can't seem to catch my breath
or take a break
even if it's offered.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of not being on top
and feeling like quitting.
Tired of everyone always
Seein me dry my eyes.
Tired of feeling like I'm a walking relapse.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of working my *** off
non-stop,
and drowning in pity.
Tired feeling like all I do
is complain and whine
Tired of thinking negative
when I know I don't need that.

...******* tired.
Tired of having four ******* items
in three different pawn shops
in two different cities
and one ******* thing on my mind
with zero positive feedback.

..******* tired..

Tired of people thinking
that I'm thinking
that I'm ******* special
even though I know
I'm not the only one
that's lost in doubt
or stressed the **** out in life.
Tired of venting into these notes in my phone
like it's my only revival.
But it seems to be the only way
that I can confess and unwind
and get this stress out my mind though..

So thank you for letting me lay down
these lyrics that I’m writing
So I can put these thoughts to sleep
and finally rest them in peace
to expire
So I can stop being tired
… Peace ✌🏽

Have you ever hated somebody you loved?
Did you ever feel way too smart to be making decisions so dumb?
Have you ever given up, but refused to admit it, so you continued to try?
Have you ever lied to yourself that you're happy, just to mask the undeniable sorrow you feel inside?

Have you ever felt so much for someone, that it's caused you to become numb?
Have you ever tried to win somebody's heart when you know they don't have one?
Did you ever know you were the cause that things ended in ruins, but you were still hoping that you weren't the reason why?
Have you ever ignored the sad and bitter truth that was impossible to deny?

Have you ever tried to maintain your composure only for the one that you love, in hopes that they'll stop being the one that's making you come undone?
Have you ever fought to prove and convince to your love that you're not anything like the demons they've been with, that you've slowly become?
Was there ever a time you felt so lost that you tried doing things in reverse, only to make them worse,
when your only intention was to try and make them right?
Did you ever pretend that things could be like they used to,
Just to maybe see any hope in the future,
When you know that hope will always be out of sight?

Have you ever tricked yourself into feeling better by thinking your pain is at an end, and finally done,
Only to realize that the real pain hasn't even begun?
Have you ever wrongfully blamed the only one that gave your life meaning, for being the one that ****** the meaning out of your life?
Have you ever tried to fix your situation, by purposely making it worse, and embracing a bitter hatred that you never thought you would come by?

...I have...

Will it be too late when I finally stop hating the one that I love?
Or will I continue to let them push me to end it myself and be done?
Why can't I stop confusing true beauty from spite, and just admit I wasn't right?
...Just admit I wasn't right.
I need to stop seeing things backwards and finally realize...
that you can't **** spiders,
by stepping on butterflies.

The hardest thing about living
Is not wanting to die.
The hardest thing about giving
Is when instead your heart
Is feeling pried.
From my chest cavity within,
Emptiness..
Where it no longer lies.

From the very depths of my heart,
I've confessed my eternal love.
From the very first breath of our start,
All others, you've shone eternally above
From the first days with you
It's my heart, you've unintentionally won
I've ripped my chest wide open
So you'd see, that surrounded by blood and bone,
Is just a black and empty hole.
Because my heart, to you it now belongs
And in my possession... Is now all gone

So even though you often feel alone in solitary
Just know, my love, it’s my heart you have
To always carry.
So whenever your cold
And life feels torn,
Please use my heart to keep you warm.
But PLEASE to you, I plead and cry
With chest wide open
As I lay here and die
Even though I'd do it just for you,
Please don't let me bleed myself dry.

All I do everyday, is hope that tomorrow,
You can replace in my chest
This bleeding hole, empty with sorrow,
And save me from feeling this misconstrued,
By finally trusting in my love for you,
And letting me have... Your heart too.

Even though it's sometimes hard to live
Know that for you I try
And even though it can be hard to give
I'm all yours,
and I hope one day again soon
..you’ll be all mine..

Live like you're dying
even if it's killing you
Then you'll die smiling

I'm tired of feeling alone
...I'm tired of feeling alone..
This feeling alone isn't worth it
...unless your feeling alone with a purpose
Are dreams the same as necessities?
Or are my desires..
Contrasting my destiny?