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Aug 2022 · 940
Tired
Ralph Bobian Aug 2022
This life ****…
Man it’s exhausting..
I don't think anyone has any idea how tired I’ve been.

So let me explain...

I'm tired
..I’m tired..
******* I'm tired...
I'm ******* tired.
Tired of life.
Tired of crying.
Tired of whining
..Tired of trying.
Tired of trying to try
only to fail
to keep trying.
Tired of feeling like
the only reason I'm alive
is to try and avoid dying.
Tired of being the only one
that thinks I don't deserve
the talents that I have
that I constantly keep denying.
Tired of thinking
that even if I were to show my talents
then you people would think I'm lying.
Tired of keeping everyone else motivated accidentally,
when I can barely stay inspired I'M TIRED..



Tired of thinking I dream too big
Because everyone else is thinking smaller.
Tired of being different
than anyone else that I'm around
and feeling I don't belong here.
Tired of all my goals
being too big for most to grasp
because my thoughts are always broader.
Tired of my own dreams
always being out of reach
and making me feel alone and awkward.
Tired of being annoyed and peeved
and on the edge at any little thing
that makes me bothered.
Bothered at the fact
that I'm tired of being tired
and can't stop my thoughts from wandering.
Tired of losing sleep
over trying to catch some rest
and can't seem to catch my breath
or take a break
even if it's offered.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of not being on top
and feeling like quitting.
Tired of everyone always
Seein me dry my eyes.
Tired of feeling like I'm a walking relapse.

I'm ******* tired.
Tired of working my *** off
non-stop,
and drowning in pity.
Tired feeling like all I do
is complain and whine
Tired of thinking negative
when I know I don't need that.

...******* tired.
Tired of having four ******* items
in three different pawn shops
in two different cities
and one ******* thing on my mind
with zero positive feedback.

..******* tired..

Tired of people thinking
that I'm thinking
that I'm ******* special
even though I know
I'm not the only one
that's lost in doubt
or stressed the **** out in life.
Tired of venting into these notes in my phone
like it's my only revival.
But it seems to be the only way
that I can confess and unwind
and get this stress out my mind though..

So thank you for letting me lay down
these lyrics that I’m writing
So I can put these thoughts to sleep
and finally rest them in peace
to expire
So I can stop being tired
… Peace ✌🏽
Apr 2021 · 984
Weather Patterns
Ralph Bobian Apr 2021
Am I just waxing poetic
To try to mask the aesthetic?
Still painting the black skies that hover
over you in my presence as ****..
Ya your grey clouds are electric.
Oh it’s just part of your charm?
This toxic personality storm
acid raining on me
And when it’s raining it pours
Oh please excuse the floors
It’s just her personality flood
See caution tape at the doors
To avoid at all costs
Hazardous conditions like hers
that cause her thunder to roar
crashing down on me, lightning
All because I struck a nerve
All because I’ll never learn
All while I try to endure
Over and over again..
You'd swear I’m chasing the storm
keeping my head above water
In the same flood you created
That you stand knee deep in denial
Your crashing waves pull me under
..No more chance of survival
Just another dead body
Left to wash up ashore
This what you wanted or no?
What was all of this for?
The only thing that’s for certain
At least I know is for sure…

You may have broken my spirit..
*But my soul has weathered your storm
Mental olympics......
Feb 2021 · 2.2k
Optimism
Ralph Bobian Feb 2021
..Optimism..
What is optimism?
Optimism is when honest isn't...
It’s when you say that word
Cuz what you keep wanting to happen
Ends up happening different..
It’s when that night demon in your head
Keeps taunting you in your bed
By telling you to give in
but you refuse to listen
and talk back to it instead like
“Hey everything happens for a reason”
Ya keep on dreaming…

..Optimism..
That’s when you try to make lemonade
out of the lemons that life has handed you
even though they’re rotten..
That’s when you pour cold water
over the dead flowers you’ve been gifted
only to watch them drown
when you just wanted to make them blossom
That’s when you look at your own glass as half full
But ignore the poison in the glass
that’s it’s half full of regardless

…Optimism...
When the hope that you’ve always had
slowly turns into denial
until you deny that you have no hope
And it becomes a cycle for you to cope
With something you can’t let go of
Even when you know it’s long forgotten...

Ya it’s easy to say “sky’s the limit”
when you’re only keeping your chin up
Because you refuse to see
that underneath you
Is rock bottom

Optimistic -> caustic  until you’re drop-kicked
into a neurotic mental hardship..
so… what is optimism?

Simply put:
..Optimism is toxic..
Apr 2017 · 270
Self Destruction
Ralph Bobian Apr 2017
The louder I speak
The more quiet my voice
I swear it's my silence
That's deafening...
The weight of my own denial
Has me weak to my knees
Cowering
until the pain forces me
To react carelessly
....Destructive...
..destructive..
Is it in my nature?
Daily I question how I can make it
Without counteracting
Every choice
that I'm making
Or every opportunity
That I'm waiting
On....
Why am I hurting the ones that I love...
When I don't even meant to?
Why do I continue to pick
at my scars from the past..
when I know there's no need to..
And why do I damage
all of the thoughts
I've progressed...
When it's all that I cling to
... saddest thing is if I can even admit..
I don't even mean to
Jul 2016 · 381
Conflict
Ralph Bobian Jul 2016
I'm tired of feeling alone
...I'm tired of feeling alone..
This feeling alone isn't worth it
...unless your feeling alone with a purpose
Are dreams the same as necessities?
Or are my desires..
Contrasting my destiny?
Should we do what we want or do what we need to as humans?
Sep 2015 · 1.9k
Thoughts of a Hipster
Ralph Bobian Sep 2015
Subliminal but obvious
That I'm indigenous to the populace
Of all the kids that melt their ears
And rot to this
inaudible ****
That we call music...
A dangerous drug
that'll melt your brain
With a repetitive beat
All one in the same.
It's my love ade,
And all drank up
With only hate left
to fill my ear buds...
A generational gap
That I like to act like I have
To stay one step above
The music I hate
That I secretly love.
So tell me you're interests,
I'd love to respond
And show you my insolence
I've already made inner-rest
In thinking that nobody knows
I'm a hypocrite.
Mind of a hipster... blegh
Aug 2015 · 1.4k
Stepping On Butterflies
Ralph Bobian Aug 2015
Have you ever hated somebody you loved?
Did you ever feel way too smart to be making decisions so dumb?
Have you ever given up, but refused to admit it, so you continued to try?
Have you ever lied to yourself that you're happy, just to mask the undeniable sorrow you feel inside?

Have you ever felt so much for someone, that it's caused you to become numb?
Have you ever tried to win somebody's heart when you know they don't have one?
Did you ever know you were the cause that things ended in ruins, but you were still hoping that you weren't the reason why?
Have you ever ignored the sad and bitter truth that was impossible to deny?

Have you ever tried to maintain your composure only for the one that you love, in hopes that they'll stop being the one that's making you come undone?
Have you ever fought to prove and convince to your love that you're not anything like the demons they've been with, that you've slowly become?
Was there ever a time you felt so lost that you tried doing things in reverse, only to make them worse,
when your only intention was to try and make them right?
Did you ever pretend that things could be like they used to,
Just to maybe see any hope in the future,
When you know that hope will always be out of sight?

Have you ever tricked yourself into feeling better by thinking your pain is at an end, and finally done,
Only to realize that the real pain hasn't even begun?
Have you ever wrongfully blamed the only one that gave your life meaning, for being the one that ****** the meaning out of your life?
Have you ever tried to fix your situation, by purposely making it worse, and embracing a bitter hatred that you never thought you would come by?

...I have...

Will it be too late when I finally stop hating the one that I love?
Or will I continue to let them push me to end it myself and be done?
Why can't I stop confusing true beauty from spite, and just admit I wasn't right?
...Just admit I wasn't right.
I need to stop seeing things backwards and finally realize...
that you can't **** spiders,
by stepping on butterflies.
This poem was influenced by things I've gone through but more than anything is a realization poem.
Aug 2015 · 667
Life
Ralph Bobian Aug 2015
Live like you're dying
even if it's killing you
Then you'll die smiling
My first haiku!!
More difficult than I thought.
Jul 2015 · 924
Love You to Death
Ralph Bobian Jul 2015
The hardest thing about living
Is not wanting to die.
The hardest thing about giving
Is when instead your heart
Is feeling pried.
From my chest cavity within,
Emptiness..
Where it no longer lies.

From the very depths of my heart,
I've confessed my eternal love.
From the very first breath of our start,
All others, you've shone eternally above
From the first days with you
It's my heart, you've unintentionally won
I've ripped my chest wide open
So you'd see, that surrounded by blood and bone,
Is just a black and empty hole.
Because my heart, to you it now belongs
And in my possession... Is now all gone

So even though you often feel alone in solitary
Just know, my love, it’s my heart you have
To always carry.
So whenever your cold
And life feels torn,
Please use my heart to keep you warm.
But PLEASE to you, I plead and cry
With chest wide open
As I lay here and die
Even though I'd do it just for you,
Please don't let me bleed myself dry.

All I do everyday, is hope that tomorrow,
You can replace in my chest
This bleeding hole, empty with sorrow,
And save me from feeling this misconstrued,
By finally trusting in my love for you,
And letting me have... Your heart too.

Even though it's sometimes hard to live
Know that for you I try
And even though it can be hard to give
I'm all yours,
and I hope one day again soon
..you’ll be all mine..
Jul 2015 · 6.1k
Lost in Translation
Ralph Bobian Jul 2015
What can I tell you
About how I feel?
I can express that I'm aware
of each one of my emotions..
And that I know I need to heal.
I can tell you exactly where they came from
And what exactly caused them.
I can describe the unbearable pain they've given
And that I'm working to resolve them
I can explain in the most specific
and descriptive ways
How hard it is to face these emotions,
Each and every day.
I can weave my words on how I feel,
In ways no one else can say
Just to make you comprehend the stress
That my mind and body pays

I’m a thousand miles from my own words
But the first to understand
It's like I'm fixing you a puzzle,
But the pieces are too far
from my reaching hand.
It's like I'm writing you a story,
But run out of ink to write the end.
It's like I'm without a paintbrush
While I paint an image in your head

So although I'm self-aware
Of every emotion that I've expressed..
I'd rather be completely clueless,
And unaware instead.

Even though I can explain my emotions
Down to the finite and specifics,
Even though
I can admit that I know
That I've become undone
and feel unfinished..
this entire time
I know you’ve tried
But there's a point that you've been missing.
I want so badly to feel completed
But the tools required

...are non-existent.
I feel everyone has a hard time expressing their emotions or even admitting or knowing that they need healing.  What I find even harder, being VERY self-aware of what's going on or knowing that things need to get better, and then you don't know how. That *****. This is for everyone lost in their own translation
Jul 2015 · 264
Advice
Ralph Bobian Jul 2015
The greatest advice
I can ever give
Is never take any advice
Don't get yourself caught in a vice
Wondering if everyone views
What you're doing is right
Only you can figure that out
So figure it out
...Figure it out
The only ones that you should
Stress over about
Is you and yourself.
Make mistakes, bury a hole,
Make yourself stronger
so you can pull yourself out
So the next time around
There'll be no doubting about
What you're doing is right…
Just never take any advice
When someone's pounding on you're dreams when they don't believe in you or have NO IDEA what they're talking when they're telling you how to do it...

— The End —