I temember that night it was like a dream
We both were in our word and had to scheme
To fulfill our desires we went to some extremes
We joined our two worlds that night full steam
We ate the forbidden fruit, yes we did partake
For a while it did seem to satisfy our ache
It our world of paradise
Our dream wanted no pain
In the end we couldn't explain
The truth will be forever in our heart
The pain can only be transformed into the good of our gain
Now we are apart
Yet! Know that you are in my heart

The time has come for me to go
the truth has been made clear
within the writing on the wall
I do not belong here.

I've hidden here in shadows dim
not reaching for the light
my heart will cast no shadow now
as broken wings take flight

But rest assured that you are loved
within me you will stay
with heavy heart I leave you now
on this my dying day.

I miss you.

2. I miss you.

3. I miss you.

4. I spend two hours or maybe four wondering where you are and what exactly happened between us. I spend more time wondering about you then I do about the world.

5. I still miss you.

6. It's been over 68 days since I last saw your face, but it doesn't matter because I can still recall the way your lips felt, the way your hands touched me. I even remember the way your skin smells, I remember everything about you.

7. I read somewhere that you shouldn't beg someone to stay in your life. If they need to remove themselves allow them too. Perhaps there is more reason behind that fact than I come to justify in my own mind.

8. I think I fell in love with you.

9. I am in love with you.

10. I still miss you.

11. I still love you.

12. We were so bad for each other, but maybe love is a type of poison. One that we learn to endure.  

13. All of these are messages I wish I could send you.

14. Find happiness where ever you may be.

15. I'll still love you and I'll miss you dearly.

15. I'll be waiting for you.

I am not who I seem
I will never be that girl from your dream.

If you start to care
You'll see what isn't there
You will see past that girl who wears black and scowled at pink and dresses
Wants to be a rebel
Wants to be a badass
Wants to be cool
You will learn to see past that exterior
You will know I'm not all attitude and insults
You will realize that that girl who cusses and fights isn't all there is

Then maybe you'll see deeper.
There's another girl
One who wants to dress up
Feel pretty
Wants to be a princess
Someone who wants to be like the people she admires
A little girl who wants to be cute with a guy
Someone who wants to skip around and be one of those lead people in the movies
Someone who cares
Loves
Laughs
Appreciates beauty in butterflies
Tries to help her friends
Loves very easily and quickly
Deep down you'll see that I'm actually a fragile softie who cares too quickly
Gets hurt too easily
And apologizes too much.

Even below that is the person who is unhappy
The one who is self hate
Stupidity
Recklessness
Self-destruction
The little sad girl that slits her skin and cries herself to sleep

But maybe I you manage to survive all that without letting all my **** destroy you (like it has so many others)
Then maybe
Just maybe
You'll get to meet Them
The part of me that created the 5 minute death game
The part that looked up how to tie a noose
And the one that collects pills
The self torturous part
Not just the fel pitying part

And then maybe if you manage to get through all of that you will find my heart
Cut up
Shattered
Bruised
Scarred
Stitched
And infected
Chained to the walls I build around myself
Pulling me apart
The heart that has bullet holes and battle wounds
The one leaving blood stains on what was my soul
The black mass of hell that is at the center of my being.
An if you're stupid enough, you'll make me love you.

Why do you write?
i write because it helps me get to know myself better and understand what is going on in my head, what I'm feeling and how to get through it. It helps me figure out how to deal with my desires and secrets
-shrug- boredom

Why do you think so badly about yourself?
because its true and I'm awful and horrible and rude and violet and unlovable and unaffectionate and mean and spiteful and ****** and hideous
i just do

I love you
i love you too, but you'll leave and I can't tell you how I feel and maybe I'm reading too much into it and maybe you don't mean it in the way I interpret it and you'll move on and get over it and no one can ever love me, it's not true
**thanks

Trapped, trapped upon ground
No room to cry or escape  
But your waves will help