your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

The morning is cold.
Last night’s chill hangs everywhere.
How unwelcoming...

i still miss you. i never stopped missing you. but i'll be okay.

She's ready.
He isn't.
She's willing to take the risk.
He isn't.

"I love you."
He whispered to no one
While watching her
Walk down the aisle
With her father
And him as a visitor.

You're in love with her.
She's the kind of soft that makes the sun fall to its knees every evening just to get a closer glimpse.
She's everything that makes a boy believe in god.
How else could he be alive at the same time as her if he didn't?
The odds are too great for there to be any other reason that he gets to make her smile.
That kind of smile that's designed to melt boys like him that i've turned cold.
You thought I was her once.
Speaking of thoughts, do I ever cross your mind sometimes like you cross mine? Even if unintentional?
At night I accidentally love you like no time has passed.
I know it's just my unconscious mind, but while I sleep there's a version of you that loves me still.
You're a dream that I wish wasn't.
So it's the worst kind of accident you could say.
Maybe not accidental if gods real like you believe he is.
My dreams might possibly just be his way of saying "*******".

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I wonder what they see when they call me beautiful, I honestly do
Because I don’t see  the pleasant view
Now im not the type to counter when they praise
no I say thanks and inspect my face

And all I see are hallow eyes, sleep deprived and so used to goodbyes
and the skin on my face dried and scarred
like broken glass, every tiny shard
chapped lips, thats kissed so many men
praising on my knees but not saying amen

Filthy is what I feel, to sleep in so many beds
because somehow I feel wanted and forget you know until realization sets
that I will never find the love that Ive never seen
Its like a bad movie every sad scene
You see my parents were a bomb and our hearts were the aftermath of that destruction
So im sorry if I did wrong in the reconstruction
I had no instruction

I thought that being beautiful meant the men wanted you
and they did want me but just for a *****
So am I still beautiful stained and used
Do I still have a chance even if my body was abused

I want to be feel beauty without looking in the mirror, not to collapse in the smallest trigger
All ive wanted was love even if id never admit it
Love, even from myself if my heart would permit it
because being beautiful should not be a stumble as love should not be a struggle